


Otonokizaka Private Academy

by jstonedd



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Different Height Headcanons, F/F, Private Academy AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-17 02:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 77,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4649001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jstonedd/pseuds/jstonedd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Otonokizaka Private Academy is nothing more than just a playground for daughters of wealthy families. Posing as a traditional elite school on the outside, the inner workings of Otonoki are far from traditional. After all, everything is different when you belong to the ruling elite of tomorrow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Attention: different height headcanons for following characters: Umi - 1.80m, Eli - 1.78m, Maki - 1.70 m. You ask me why? Well why not

## OTONOKIZAKA PRIVATE ACADEMY

* * *

 

"Hey, you. Your name's Tojo, right?"

Keeping her gaze on her lunch, she continued to eat in silence. If she didn't give them any attention, they would lose interest soon and leave her alone. It always worked like this.

"Hey, I'm talking to you," the nasal voice got impatient, "or did your folks never teach you how to be polite?"

While her left hand curled into a fist on her lap, her right hand kept handling her chopsticks, bringing food to her mouth that chewed slowly. She couldn't taste anything.

"See, this is why it's a bad idea to let commoners enter Otonoki, they don't even try to integrate-"

The shrill scraping of a stool against marble floors echoed in the room, followed by two hands slamming on the table. "Enough, Ishikii."

"Who d- Yazawa?"

Green eyes looked up in surprise at the mention of a familiar last name, and they widened when she recognized a distinctive face that she had seen in television before.

"You know, you can't really blame others for not integrating themselves into a community when you're the one who doesn't even give them a chance to."

Nozomi gave up pretending to eat, instead staring up at the short and black-haired girl in masked awe. Her voice wasn't as high-pitched as she remembered and her face didn't have the child-like glow that she was known for in the media.

"What? I was just trying to talk to her, but she didn't react at all, how am I the one at fault here?"

"Geez, your ignorance would give me a headache if I didn't already have one from your voice."

Talking about her voice seemed to hit a sore spot and the girl dropped her innocent facade, looking down on Yazawa with disdain. "Don't get cocky, Yazawa. You're just one phone call away from expulsion."

"Go ahead, make that call," the shorter girl shrugged, "I fucking hate it here and can't wait to get out. You'd help me a lot actually."

Gritting her teeth, but lacking the wit to retort, the other girl turned on her heels and stomped away.

Nozomi let out an inaudible sigh of relief, feeling herself relaxing.

"Sorry you had to see that."

Nozomi swallowed when she realized that Yazawa had sat down opposite of her, scrutinizing her in mild curiosity. "And with 'that', I meant that demon brat."

Nozomi lowered her head and stared at her half-eaten lunch plate. "Thank you."

"Hm," her opposite acknowledged with a hum. "I haven't seen you around before, are you new here? Wait...You're the new scholarship student, aren't you? Todo Nagami wasn't it? I'm Yazawa Nico, but you already know that, judging the way you won't meet my eyes."

"Tojo Nozomi," came the quiet reply.

"Sorry?"

Clearing her throat, Nozomi raised her voice a little bit, "My name is Tojo Nozomi."

"Oh, my bad," her opposite named Nico apologized, "you were kind of mumbling when you introduced yourself this morning in class, and I was sitting in the last row."

Nozomi bit the insides of her cheeks.

"Why..." she trailed off, leaving her question unfinished as she refused to meet Nico's eyes. Why was Nico still here?

"Hah? Why what?"

But Nozomi didn't elaborate. Her mind automatically went through all the information she had on Yazawa Nico.

Third year, in the same class as her, daughter of an A-List super idol who was also famous overseas. Short, cute child-like appearance, but also easily angered and temperamental when things didn't go her way. Striving to become a super idol as well.

What could someone like her possibly gain from sitting with Nozomi during lunch? Did she feel so much pity for her after saving her from being bullied that she decided to stick around longer?

"How can I help you?" Nozomi asked quietly as she nervously rolled the chopsticks between her fingers before she forced herself to stop, remembering she was in an environment where this kind of behavior was frowned upon.

"Help me?" Nico asked in confusion before she let out a quiet 'ah' in realization. "I get it. You don't trust me. You think I have an ulterior motive for talking to you."

Nozomi gave her a wary glance as if to ask her if that wasn't the case.

"No, no, relax, I'm not out for your throat like the others," Nico said with a lop-sided grin, putting her elbows on the table and propping her chin on her hands. "Do I look like I was born into a golden crib?"

Unsure if her honest opinion was wanted, Nozomi refrained from shaking her head. Indeed, Yazawa Nico differed from most of the students here in one aspect. She didn't come from an old, noble family; her last name had no meaning in the political and economic landscape of Japan, only to the commoners. She would never be able to attend the same circles as the noble and traditional families that had sent their beloved daughters to the most prestigious school for girls there was.

Otonokizaka Private Academy, or in short Otonoki Academy, was nothing more than a playground for the daughters of the elite. A place for them to socialize and tighten bonds with other future elites of the political and business world before they took over their family's businesses and political positions.

A school as exclusive as Otonoki prided itself on choosing only the best of the best, which was why each year, they only offered one spot for a scholarship student. Everyone else who wished to attend this school had to get a recommendation first by current students or alumna just to get a consideration. The deciding factors were of course the family background and their political ties. Each applicant was carefully selected after a thorough research on their background.

And it made Nozomi wonder, what had been the winning factors for Nico's admission? Her mother wasn't successful until her late twenties and despite her wide recognition in the music industry, she was not a powerful figure in terms of politics or economics. Her wealth was temporary; it wouldn't last a second generation unless Nico managed to surpass her mother. Her fame was just a fraction of time; the Yazawa name would be forgotten in thirty years or less. Incomparable to some of the Otonoki students' families that had existed for multiple generations.

"I know what you're thinking," Nico said when Nozomi hadn't replied, lost in her thoughts. "I'm a joke compared to most of the girls here. And trust me, I don't even want to be here, but my mom wanted to give me the good education she never had. So I let her sign me up for here, I didn't think I'd get in. But the chairwoman of this school happened to be a fan of hers."

That explained a lot, Nozomi thought to herself. She was less hesitant about meeting Nico's eyes now, finding herself liking them. They were honest in expressing their feelings.

"So you really don't talk much, huh?" Nico asked her, tilting her head. "Or are you just overwhelmed by meeting all these snobs on your first day of school?"

Nozomi let out a quiet laugh before she quickly covered her open mouth with her hands, already feeling judging eyes on her.

"Don't care about them," Nico said without looking behind, knowing why Nozomi had suddenly become self-conscious about her laugh. "They wouldn't survive a minute in the real world. Besides, you're actually quite cute when you smile."

And Nozomi ducked her head with a blush. "Thank y-"

"We're – we're through!" A high pitched scream disrupted the calm air, and Nozomi only managed to catch a glimpse of the back of a girl that was running out of the school restaurant.

"What happened?" Nozomi asked in shock, trying to look over Nico's shoulder to see from what the girl had run away from.

A hand on her shoulder pressed her down in her seat. It was Nico. "Don't look if you're not searching for trouble."

"Eh?"

Nico scowled, and Nozomi flinched, not knowing that her face could form such a frightening expression.

"They will get up in exactly one minute and walk past here. Don't make eye contact."

Intimidated by whatever that was causing Nico to look this dark, Nozomi didn't dare to question her and focused her gaze on her lunch.

Soon enough, the background noises in the school restaurant faded away until it was completely silent, and the sound of multiple heels pacing on marble floor echoed in the spacious room. Only few whispers here and there could be heard.

Whether the situation really called for this much tension or if Nico was projecting her own nervousness onto her, Nozomi didn't know, but she kept her head down like she had been instructed to. Out of the corner of her eyes, she could make out three tall figures walking past her, and a light breeze tickled her neck.

When the door to the school restaurant fell shut, the sound level of the room was back up again, louder than before. Everyone seemed to be whispering about the figures that had just left.

"Who are they?" Nozomi asked, too curious to hold back.

Nico seemed reluctant on giving her an answer. "All you need to know about them is that you need to stay away from them as far as possible. Their world is something you can't even begin to understand."

"But how can I stay away from them if I don't know who they are?"

The black-haired girl gestured to her to lean in closer, and Nozomi complied.

"Ayase Eli. Sonoda Umi. And worst of all, Nishikino Maki," Nico mumbled before leaning back, continuing in her normal voice again. "Their families have been around for over two hundred years. Their share of influence in our country is frightening to say the least. Why, you surely ask, you've never heard of their names before, they can't be that bad."

Nozomi forced a smile when she had been caught thinking exactly that. Nico sighed.

"Respected families like them don't play the publicity game. They pull the strings from the background, they don't stamp their names on every brand or company of theirs. They're nowhere yet everywhere."

Fascinated, Nozomi kept eyeing Nico with a hopeful look so she would explain further.

"Oh, you're good," Nico faltered under Nozomi's intense gaze, "you could be an idol, you know. You've got that sultry look down."

"Eh?" Nozomi's cheeks flushed. "I- I didn't mean to -"

"I know," Nico interrupted before the flustered girl could stutter more in embarrassment, "I was joking. Not really. But for the sake of our conversation, let's pretend I did. Or don't you want to know more about the royal court of Otonoki?"

Nozomi folded her hands on the table. "Please tell me more."

"Alright, but that comes with a price." Nico smirked.

Nozomi blinked in uncertainty. "Price?"

"Yes, and that's the first rule you need to learn if you want to survive here among the rich." Nico stretched out her pointer finger. "Nothing comes without a price. If someone does you a favor, then you will be in their debt until you can repay them with a favor of equal worth. The most dangerous thing to do is to believe that they help you out of courtesy. These people here would charge you for allowing you to breathe the same air as them if they could."

Nico paused when she saw the incredulous look on Nozomi's face. "Shocking, eh?" Nico chuckled, propping her elbows on the table. "But all these kids here, they've been trained since birth to smile as bright as the sun so you'll be too blinded to see their razor sharp teeth. My advice for you? Stay clear of them."

Even without telling that bit, Nozomi would have chosen the same action.

"Now, since we're already talking about advice and rules," Nico continued, holding up two fingers. "Rule number two: In a world where we can literally bathe in money, offering us more money for favors is worthless. But there's one form of currency that we would always kill for." Nico wiggled with her fingers. "Secrets."

Not realizing how engrossed in Nico's explanations she was until she swallowed nervously, Nozomi cleared her throat and repeated questioningly, "Secrets?"

Nico nodded once. "In the world of the rich, secrets directly translate to scandals. If something is a secret, it usually is bad stuff that needs to stay a secret. If it were good news, then everyone would already know."

Intrigued, Nozomi carefully asked, "Then, what is the price for letting me know more about Otonokizaka?"

Nico's smirk grew broader. "That's the catch. You never know when I might call you on that favor. It can be right now. It can be in half a year. But time won't make us even."

Gradually becoming unsure whether she was ready to pay a price she couldn't foresee, Nozomi didn't reply, torn about what to answer. She wanted to know more. But she didn't want to be in anyone's debt.

"Besides, it's too late for you anyway," Nico said with a grin. "You've become indebted to me the second I told you about all these rules."

Nozomi let out a feeble sound of protest, but she couldn't find a way to talk herself out of this situation.

"See how fast this happens?" Nico said. "You're lucky it's just me. I'm not planning to let you repay with a dirty favor. But you need to be more careful from now on because others won't be that generous."

Nozomi faced down, her voice quiet and meek as she stared at her lap. "I can't offer you anything of value."

An unexpected chuckle made her look up in surprise again.

With her chin propped on her fist, Nico tilted her head and said with a smirk, "Don't you think that this is something up to me to decide?" Her smile widened. "Besides, I already know of one way for you to fix this."

* * *

"Where are the other students?" Nozomi wondered as she looked around in the empty gym. "Where is the teacher?"

"Teacher?" Nico laughed as she stretched her arms. "This isn't public school. Imagine the outrage if you let a refined lady sweat. Officially, we have P.E right now but we can actually do whatever we want. Most girls just skip it."

Nozomi gave Nico an insecure look as if to ask her why they were here then if it wasn't a mandatory lesson.

"Ah, you see, if I want to become a super idol, I need to keep training my stamina and dance techniques. Usually I'm alone here but since you owe me a favor, I figured I'd give you the chance to get even right away," Nico cheekily stretched out her tongue. "Hope you don't mind giving me company?"

And Nozomi smiled. She truly didn't mind, actually glad that she had somewhere to stay without being alone.

"If you want, you can practice with me," Nico offered, but Nozomi declined with a polite shake of her head. "Well, if you're getting bored, there's a shack outside full of fancy sports equipment. Take whatever you like."

Nozomi's expression brightened, glad that there was something to do that didn't involve physical exertion. "I will take a look."

"Yeah, you do that," Nico said absently, scrolling through her phone to choose a song she wanted to practice with.

The storage shack for sports equipment resembled a small warehouse, Nozomi thought, as she approached the shack that was located in the middle of what was called the sports area, consisting of one gymnasium, one soccer field, two basketball courts, two swimming pools and four tennis courts. Despite occupying an astounding amount of square meters in absolute numbers, the sports section didn't make up more than one fourth of Otonokizaka's entire area.

Nozomi noticed that the door to the shack was open and she lightly knocked against it.

"Hello?" she called tentatively. She stepped inside. "Anyone there?"

A second of silence, then -

"Who wants to know?"

Startled, Nozomi stuttered, "T-Tojo Nozomi."

"Class?"

"Um, 3-A."

"Huh." A tall figure stepped out from behind a vaulting horse. "You are the new transfer student in my class."

So gorgeous, was the first thing Nozomi thought upon seeing the other person approaching her. Golden hair, blue eyes, high cheekbones and a pointy chin; the definition of an aesthetic face by western standards. She had to have foreigner's blood in her.

"What do you want?"

Nozomi noticed a gold band around her left arm with the words 'student council' printed on them in bold characters and a clipboard in her hand.

"I – I have P.E -"

"So you want to find some equipment to train." Her tone was curt, her eyes barely showed any interest. "If you don't mind, I'm doing inventory here right now, so if there's anything you would like to take, tell me now."

Suddenly having to make a choice put Nozomi under too much pressure, and she stumbled a few steps backwards. "E-excuse me for intruding, I won't bother you anymore."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "So you're not going to take anything?"

"No, no thank you," Nozomi stuttered. She bit her lip. What was she thanking for?

"Tojo."

"Yes!" Nozomi replied quickly in a high-pitched voice.

Taking a step closer towards her, the blonde scrutinized her face with a blank expression. "You shouldn't be here."

"Oh..." Nozomi averted her eyes nervously. "Yes, I should head back to the gy-"

"No," the blonde interrupted her. Her eyes narrowed. "You shouldn't be here in Otonokizaka. You don't belong here."

Nozomi clenched her teeth when she didn't know what to reply. She could feel the bridge of her nose heating up, could feel her eyes watering. She had been bracing herself for rejection ever since she had set foot on the new school ground, but to be confronted with it now when she least expected it knocked the air out of her body.

"I don't know how you managed to get in," the student council member said tonelessly. "Maybe it was luck, maybe it was a miscalculation. But under normal circumstances, you wouldn't be here. Thousands of people apply for the scholarship every year, and I don't believe that there's no one else who wouldn't fit better in our school than you."

Nozomi couldn't hold back a sob, and a tear rolled over her red cheeks, but it didn't move the other girl. Her blue eyes watched on with an indifferent, empty look. "I don't know what the chairwoman sees in you. But I won't question her because she is never wrong. Maybe it's you who managed to fool her by pretending to be someone you're not. Whatever the case is, I won't tolerate it if you cheated your way in."

"No," Nozomi said between sobs, "I didn't cheat -"

"Then explain why you are crying right now." The blonde paced towards Nozomi in big strides until she towered over Nozomi. "Explain why you are so weak."

Nozomi faced down, watching her own tear drops fall to the ground, unable to bring a sound over her trembling lips. She didn't know why she couldn't run away. Her feet wouldn't move, they stood rooted to the ground and kept her frozen in place.

"You don't know this," the cold voice above her head whispered, "but our world works differently than the one you come from. Our world doesn't forgive mistakes. It doesn't recognize weakness as a trait that makes us human but rather as a parasite that we need to get rid off. And the sooner you realize that you don't belong here, the better. I'm just doing you a favor, Tojo."

"That is enough," a calm voice interjected from afar.

Through teary eyes, Nozomi could make out a figure even taller than the blonde approaching them. It was a second year student from Otonokizaka judging by her red tie, and dark hair billowed behind the girl as her long legs took powerful strides towards them. Her graceful features showed no expression when her blank amber eyes peered down on the two people in front of her.

The blonde gave Nozomi a scoffing look before she turned to the other girl. "I merely gave her an introduction to this school. What brings you here?"

The second year held up a pink letter sealed with a heart stamp, which was enough of an explanation for the blonde, who sighed. "You do know that you are reaching your limit."

The dark-haired girl hardly moved her lips when she replied calmly, "I am aware."

"But you wouldn't raise the stake without a reason, I believe," the blonde said, nodding to the letter with an expectant look.

If Nozomi wasn't watching the second year's mouth moving, she wouldn't believe it was her talking because her unblinking eyes and hard expression gave the illusion of her face being chiseled in stone. "The Ishikii's."

The blonde frowned in thought. "Nikkei Index listed multi-media company, currently on a transnational expansion. Stock portfolio is diverse and solid, they've managed to secure a good share of some of the leading industries. Didn't Ishikii Hiroaki become one of the vice chairs of the Keidanren a year ago?"

Her opposite only nodded once in conformation.

Nozomi gazed between them wide-eyed. Did the rich have their own jargon to converse in?

Letting out a sigh again, the blonde shook her head and muttered, "I don't envy you."

"Only the foolish do," the taller girl replied in her low voice. "I'll be on my way then."

She turned to Nozomi, who flinched and stumbled a step back, thinking she was going to receive the same harsh treatment from her as from the blonde. Closing her eyes, she braced herself for any insult on her social background, but nothing came. After seconds of silence, she carefully opened one eye just to see a handkerchief offered to her.

"Welcome to Otonokizaka Private Academy," the tall girl muttered. Her expression hadn't changed, her mouth was barely moving without the hint of a friendly smile. But as Nozomi slowly tilted her head back to be able to meet her gaze, a blush covered her cheeks when she found herself looking into soft amber eyes.

"I apologize for my friend's behavior. You must have great potential to be chosen for the scholarship."

Quickly gazing down again, Nozomi accepted the handkerchief with both hands and a quiet 'Thank you'.

Smoothing over her red tie, the second year nodded to Nozomi before she walked off without another word.

Nozomi wished she wouldn't have showed that side of hers towards an underclassman. But even without knowing that person's background, she could tell that the dark haired girl was no ordinary student as she had conversed with the blonde casually despite their hierarchical difference. Was it her height that made her so intimidating? Her calm and cold nature? Or the blank look in her eyes when she had held up something that was obviously a love letter, completely unimpressed by the weight of emotions the letter carried?

"It is because of actions like these that people misunderstand," the blonde mumbled before she glared at Nozomi and walked back into the gym storage room.

Nozomi held her breath, only allowing herself to exhale in relief once she couldn't see the other girl anymore. But the moment she calmed down enough to let herself think over what happened, she wanted the ground beneath her to open up and swallow her whole.

Why had she cried? It wasn't the first time she had to deal with bullying, but why did she give in to tears so easily this time?

She thought she had become tougher ever since she had entered high school, but moments ago she had reverted back to her elementary school self who cried the moment she felt intimidated or overwhelmed.

"Why..." Nozomi whispered to herself, wiping at the dried tears on her cheeks when she remembered the handkerchief in her hands. Upon unfolding it, she realized that it was made of silk and there was a name stitched on it at the bottom.

_Sonoda_

Letting out a quiet gasp, Nozomi brought the piece of cloth closer to her eyes to make sure she hadn't misread. But the name didn't change. Stitched with golden threads, the letters were embroidered on the white cloth in cursive.

Was it the same person Nico had meant when she had listed the names she should stay away from? Was it the same Sonoda who had to be feared for her family background?

Lost in thoughts, Nozomi slowly walked back to the gym while staring at Sonoda's handkerchief, wondering what to do with it now.

"What took you so long?" Nico called out, and she stopped her dancing to run over to Nozomi, her face flushed and forehead dripping with sweat from the exercise. "What's that in your hands? I thought you were going to take something to – no way..."

Nico snatched the handkerchief from Nozomi's hands and turned away from the protesting girl.

"That's..." Nico slowly looked up at Nozomi with a frightened look. "Where did you get it?"

Trying to take the handkerchief back, Nozomi grabbed after it, but Nico jumped a step back and held it away from her.

"I said, where did you-"

"She gave it to me!"

"Sonoda gave it to you herself?" Nico asked in disbelief. "Why would she do that? When did you meet her? How?"

"Please give it back!" Nozomi attempted to snatch it back a second time, but Nico was swift in dodging her hands. "Nico!"

"No, you don't understand," Nico hissed, holding the piece of cloth between two fingertips like it was dirty. "If anyone finds out that this is in your possession, you're as good as dead."

Nozomi let out an exasperated sound. "Just give it back, please."

"No, it's better if we burn this..."

"Eh? No!" Nozomi finally managed to catch the handkerchief and pulled it out of Nico's grasp. "I'm going to give it back to her. Now."

"No!" Nico exclaimed and grabbed Nozomi's arm to stop her from walking away. "Trust me, you can't. This won't end well."

Not understanding Nico at all, Nozomi shrugged off her hand. "Why?"

Nico let out a tired sigh. "I'm just looking out for you. But I see that I can't change your mind, so I just want you to at least listen to this one advice."

Nozomi gave her a wary look but didn't say anything, waiting for Nico to continue.

"Don't let anybody see you giving Sonoda her handkerchief back, you hear me? Nobody can know that she has lent it to you. Don't even try to talk to her when she's not alone."

Nico's grave tone about something so minor somehow amused Nozomi. "We are talking about a high school student and not a member of a mafia, are we?"

"We might as well be," Nico said without a hint of humor. It unsettled Nozomi.

"But she was the one who gave it to me in front of someone else, why do I need to be discreet about returning it?"

"Someone saw you?" Nico almost yelled in disbelief before she lowered her voice again. "Who? Who saw you and why are you still alive?"

Understanding things less and less, Nozomi decided she had enough of Nico's dramatic antics if she wasn't going to get an explanation soon. "I'm going now."

"Wait, Nozomi!"

But with the handkerchief tightly grasped in her hands, Nozomi marched out of the gym, determined to find Sonoda before her next class. Nico didn't follow her.

It wasn't until Nozomi was standing in the middle of the large schoolyard that she realized she had no idea where to begin looking. A third of Otonokizaka's school ground was simply green area. Trees, bushes, flowerbeds and benches everywhere gave the illusion of a walk in the park when Nozomi wandered on various paths leading to an alpaca stable, an archery shooting range, a dojo, a pond with Koi swimming in it and a water fountain.

Sonoda could be anywhere on these large school grounds. Searching for her without a clue was only a waste of time, which Nozomi admitted to herself after arriving in front of the water fountain a third time.

She sat down on a nearby bench and pulled up her feet on it, hugging her legs. She didn't feel like going back to Nico. But Nico was her only classmate she could talk to. None of the other girls had made an attempt to approach her since she had introduced herself. Maybe they already disliked her for the same reason the blonde student council member couldn't stand to see her sight.

Just thinking of her made Nozomi feel uneasy. It wasn't like Nozomi could change anything about her background, she was born and raised in a middle-class family. Changing her personality to fit in Otonokizaka was an impossible feat. One couldn't simply acquire the attitude of a wealthy, socially eminent person without actually living that kind of life.

So maybe Nozomi wasn't strong according to the standards of a girl who had been born into this kind of life. But she knew she wasn't weak either or she wouldn't have been chosen for the scholarship.

"You're in my seat."

Nozomi startled and her head jerked up. "Excuse me?"

A scowling girl towered over her and sneered. "You're in my seat."

"I – I didn't know that the benches here were assigned to-"

"Well, now you know," the girl interrupted her, running a hand through her red hair. "Get up."

Nozomi noticed she wasn't wearing a tie, which violated the school's dress code that required them to wear their ties as a means of grade identification.

Why should Nozomi obey someone who didn't obey the rules herself? She was tired of being treated like she was inferior, like she didn't belong here. Her admittance wasn't an accident, she had been sitting in the chairwoman's office for two hours, trying to explain why she thought she deserved to be here. And even though she herself hadn't believed in getting in after failing to answer some of the simplest questions, there had to be some winning factors for her or the chairwoman wouldn't have chosen her. The whole time she had been interviewed, she had felt the older woman's wise eyes on her, gauging every reaction and expression of hers. Whatever the chairwoman had seen in her, it was no mistake.

"No," Nozomi felt herself saying before she could stop it. Her heart instantly sunk in her stomach.

"No?"

Purple eyes narrowed as they scrutinized Nozomi's face. "I haven't seen you before." She stepped onto the bench with one foot and leaned forward, preventing Nozomi from leaving. "You must be new here, so let me explain a few things to you."

Apprehensive, Nozomi leaned back, but couldn't increase the distance to the scary girl by much.

"First, I do own the bench you're sitting on. Half of the school is owned by my family."

"I – I didn't know -"

"I figured. Otonokizaka might still be operating under the Minami name, but they no longer have any say in how to manage this school." The red-haired girl smirked. "When I said that you're in my seat, I wasn't joking."

"Could you get anymore cliche, Nishikino."

Nozomi's eyes widened when she recognized Nico's voice.

Nishikino turned away from Nozomi and scowled at the black-haired girl approaching them. "Yazawa."

Nico crossed her arms and glared back, seemingly unafraid. Her defiant stance baffled Nozomi as she clearly remembered Nico telling her that a certain Nishikino was the worst between the three people she had to avoid the most.

"What's the point of being so rich if you still dress like a homeless person," Nico scoffed.

A lop-sided smirk formed on Nishikino's face. "What I wear is something I can choose. But being pathetic is a state you'll never get out of."

Holding her breath, Nozomi wondered if she should get a teacher. But if Nishikino really was as untouchable as she had implied, then no one would want to interfere.

"You are calling me pathetic?" Nico let out an empty laugh. "I'm not the one who hates my own family but still uses their name to feel powerful. Can you be more of a contradiction?"

"Shut up," Nishikino growled, dragging one foot forward as her shoulders stiffened in an aggressive stance.

"Oh, did I touch a sore spot?" Nico asked mockingly. "Little Maki hates bearing the pressure of being a Nishikino and yet won't give up being one because of the privileges. You are the pathetic one and you know it."

And Nishikino lunged at Nico, grabbed a fistful of her collar and pulled her up. "Shut up!"

Nozomi jumped to her feet to intervene, but someone had beat her to it.

"Enough."

A figure one head taller than Nishikino split the two apart with an effortless pull at the back of their collars.

Nozomi's right hand automatically reached for the handkerchief inside her pocket upon recognizing the person.

"Physical altercation is not how we do things," Sonoda calmly said in her low voice. "Don't forget the image you're portraying to outsiders."

"Like hell I care," Nishikino spat, shrugging out of Sonoda's grasp. "You're not my mother."

"If she were your mother, you wouldn't have dared to talk back like that," Nico threw in tauntingly, and stepped back when Nishikino aggressively stomped forward but couldn't get far as Sonoda held her away with an arm.

"We don't get into petty fights," Sonoda said, her voice neutral.

Nico glared up at the second year at the implication of being 'petty', but didn't talk back as the enormous height difference served enough to instill respect.

"Whatever," Nishikino hissed, and she pushed Sonoda's arm away from her, walking off with both hands tucked inside her trouser pockets.

Sonoda let out a low sigh and set out to walk in the same direction when she noticed Nozomi standing in front of her, holding out her handkerchief with two hands.

"Thank you," Nozomi said quietly, unable to meet Sonoda's eyes. "I didn't use it, so I hope it's okay if I return it like this."

Accepting her own handkerchief with a nod, Sonoda tucked it inside her blazer and walked off without another word.

"Nozomi," Nico breathed out in relief. The tough and challenging expression she had put up in front of Nishikino was gone.

"I," Nozomi managed a small smile. "Thank you. For standing up for me. Again."

Nico waved her off with a hand. "You're one of the few decent people around here, I didn't want you to transfer school after one day."

An incredibly warm feeling enveloped Nozomi's heart, and she pulled Nico in for a hug, which was the only way she knew how to express her gratefulness without choking on her words.

"Eh?" Surprised, but not displeased, Nico pretended to put up a fight against the show of affection, but smiled against Nozomi's shoulder.

"Thank you," Nozomi whispered again, squeezing Nico once before she let go. "I was scared of coming to this school...I didn't know what to expect. So thank you for being there for me."

Nico gave her a lopsided smile. "You know I can't always be around."

"I know," Nozomi mumbled, already dreading the moment she had to face a new situation within this school without a familiar face by her side.

"I really want to tell you that things will get better, that you will get used to here," Nico muttered, swallowing. "But I can't. Things are only just beginning for you."

Unsure if the other girl was being dramatic again, Nozomi wanted to laugh it off, but Nico looked up with a sad smile, and her laugh died in her throat.

"Otonokizaka is not the great place you think it is. Don't let your guard down, we're not dealing with normal high school students here."

"I know," Nozomi muttered. She had already encountered three of those scary students today, two of them had not held back with questioning her existence on these school grounds.

But at the end of the day, Otonokizaka Private Academy was still just a school. What else was there for Nozomi to fear besides low grades and unfriendly classmates?

* * *

"Maki."

"Tsh," Maki pressed out between gritted teeth, not looking behind her as she paced towards the only room where she could bear to stay around for long. "Would you stop following me, Umi?"

"I'm not following you."

Casually strolling behind her, Umi's long legs easily kept up with Maki's fast pace without much exertion. "You happen to go my way."

Maki glanced to the side. "Since when do you hang out in the music room? Don't you have some girls to entertain right now?"

Umi's jaw tensed. "I'm afraid I don't like what you are implying."

"Well, I don't give a shit," Maki muttered, scratching her throat. The itchy feeling she had since morning hadn't disappeared even after shedding her tie and opening her collar. "It's not like you don't know my opinion on that."

Umi's expression didn't stir. "I suppose not."

They arrived at a large double door with golden knobs. Maki fumbled inside her pockets for a key. "Even you have your limits, you know." She unlocked the door and pushed it open. "You can't play this game forever. It's going to blow up in your face."

Umi followed Maki into the room and closed the door behind them. "I am aware."

"I seriously don't know what you're thinking. But I guess that's none of my business." Maki shrugged off her blazer and threw it carelessly on one of the cushioned armchairs positioned around a white grand piano. "Especially if it's dirty business."

"You make it sound dubious." Umi sat down in the armchair closest to the piano and crossed her legs.

"Is it not?" Maki asked with a raised eyebrow at Umi, stretching her fingers before she sat down on the piano stool and opened the lid. "You're basically three-timing – no wait, didn't Ishikii confess to you today? You can't reject the Ishikiis. That's political suicide. So you're a four-timing asshole right now, and believe me, no matter how you look at it, I don't think there's a clean way out."

Closing her eyes, Umi pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger. "I am not upholding four relationships simultaneously."

"Yeah, yeah," Maki muttered dismissively, wiping at the ivory keys with a silk cloth that she had pulled out of her pockets. "You're still going to regularly meet up with them though, so what's the difference. Even if you keep saying it's not a date, it is one. At least to them."

"I believe I made my emotional unavailability clear," Umi replied tonelessly. "Unlike you."

Maki shot a side glance at her. "You know damn well that I don't bother to play the two-sided game like you do. It's not my fault when they interpret too much into something I never said."

Gazing at the piano keys again, she placed her fingers on them. "Besides, they are more interested in the heir of the Nishikinos than in me. Don't you think that they are the cruel ones?"

And her fingers slammed down on the keys and struck a powerful chord, lingering for a few seconds before they began to play a bold and fast melody without one note jumping out of the harmonic range. Umi noticed she was improvising, reflecting the agitated emotions in her heart through a sequence of fast changing chords and the repetitive striking of high notes.

Respecting the unspoken rule of not speaking up during a performance, Umi stayed silent, knowing that Maki had cut off their conversation purposely. Instead she closed her eyes and crossed her arms, focusing on enjoying the performance.

Halfway through the improvised melody, the pace slowed down and the tones became quieter and softer.

Maki finished her song on a single, low note, letting it fade out by stepping on the right pedal beneath her feet.

Clapping filled the room.

Maki turned her head to Umi, whose arms were still crossed. She nodded to the door.

"It's been a long time since I heard you play." A tall figure with blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail entered the room. "It was very moving."

"Thanks, I guess," Maki said with a shrug. "What are you doing here?"

"I can't check up on my friends?"

"No," Maki said bluntly. "The Ayase Eli I know doesn't just stop by to say hello. What do you want?"

The blonde sighed and walked across the room to sit down in an armchair next to Umi. "Nothing in particular."

"Now you're just bothering me," Maki said. "Spit it out."

Eli raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you care?"

"I don't," Maki replied. "But the only socially acceptable action for me right now is pretending I care. So how about you tell me what's bothering you and I nod in fake empathy. And once you feel reassured that you've got my support, we can go back to minding our own business."

Eli stared at her. "Do I detect a bit of narcissism?"

Maki smirked. "Only a bit?"

Umi cleared her throat. "Maki."

"What," Maki shrugged. "I'm just tired of playing along in games like these. If you have something to say, then say it. If you don't want to tell me, okay, that's fine. But don't try to pull the 'being mysterious' crap because believe me, you're not that interesting."

Eli let out a low growl. "My hands might be bound from giving you a bloody nose, but don't think you are untouchable just because you are a Nishikino."

"So I'm primarily a Nishikino to you," Maki said coldly.

"Just as I am primarily Ayase to you," Eli responded accordingly, crossing her arms. "You didn't think I would voluntarily befriend someone with a character as foul as yours?"

"No, I figured you were like the rest," Maki narrowed her eyes. "And believe me, I wouldn't put up with your bullshit for one second if your last name wasn't spelled Ayase."

"The feeling is mutual," Eli replied calmly. "And since you can't change anything about our arrangement, why don't you start with respecting your seniors?"

"I already am."

"Your respect is false at best."

"Yeah, befitting a fake ass like you."

In a matter of seconds, Maki and Eli were standing nose to nose, grabbing each other by their collars as their eyes met in a furious glare.

Umi merely blinked once at the new development but didn't move to get up from her armchair and interfere.

"What is your problem?" Eli hissed, using her height advantage to threateningly tower over Maki, but Maki was hardly impressed by their physical difference.

"My problem?" Maki spat, shoving Eli away. "You think I only have one?"

"Oh, want to cry about it?" Eli said mockingly. "Does Nishikino have troubles that no one else could ever come close to understand because most people are too shallow and superficial? Oh, do try to enlighten us simple-minded fools with your deep, intellectual problems. Let me guess, it's not death you fear, but meaninglessness in life, isn't it? The universe sure is unfair, singling you out and making you suffer through this existential crisis alone."

With an angry roar, Maki swung her fist at Eli's right eye but hit an open palm instead. Eli blinked in confusion when Umi was suddenly standing next to her, absorbing Maki's punch with her hand.

"You need to control your violent tendencies," Umi said lowly, not letting go of Maki's fist when she struggled against the grip.

"And you need to keep out of my fucking business," Maki said angrily, trying to shake off Umi's grasp on her fist.

"Thank you, Umi, but I saw that coming," Eli said, crossing her arms. "I would have dodged it."

"Your unprepared stance told me otherwise," Umi responded neutrally. "Maki, calm down."

"I'm least likely to calm down when you tell me to," Maki hissed, but she had stopped struggling against Umi's grip. "I'm fine now. Just had a sudden urge to punch Ayase in the face like usual."

After having her right hand released, Maki flexed her fingers to stir the circulation because Umi's grip on her had been mercilessly tight to suppress any chance of breaking free. She hissed when her hand got numb at all the blood rushing back into it. "Was that really necessary?"

Despite looking unapologetic, Umi still offered a short apology.

Eli furrowed her brows. "Umi is right. Your aggressive tendencies are beginning to show more often."

"I said I'm fine," Maki turned away from them, walking to the piano. "I just didn't have many chances to play the piano lately."

Sensing that there was more than that, Eli intended to question further, but Umi put a hand on her shoulder without looking at her. Eli closed her mouth and remained silent.

They listened to more improvisations by Maki, knowing that music was the only way she could openly express herself, the only way she could convey her feelings when words failed her. They were no professional musicians themselves, but they felt the raw emotion in Maki's piano pieces, and they could understand what she was trying to tell through her melancholic melodies.

It was a story that all of them could relate to too well.

It was the story of being trapped but unable to escape.

And Otonokizaka Private Academy was only the first chapter of their life set inside a golden cage, where they ruled like an emperor but felt like a slave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart for the AU - jstonedd.tumblr.com/tagged/private-academy-au


	2. Iron Heart

 

* * *

Standing before her mirror, Nozomi stared at herself wearing Otonokizaka's school uniform. Thankfully, a set of the uniform had been included in the scholarship because purchasing these clothes would have plundered Nozomi's budget otherwise.

She picked at the hem of her classy, navy blue blazer, and traced the white contour on the lapels with her finger. Without doubt, her school uniform had to be the most premium piece of clothing she possessed.

But as she gave herself a once over in the mirror, she felt none of the pride she thought she would feel at wearing a uniform that almost every female student dreamed of wearing.

There was no middle school student who didn't fantasize at least once or twice about making it to Otonokizaka. With good reason; successfully graduating from there wouldn't just stand out in a résumé, but almost guarantee an entry to an elite university. Otonokizaka's reputation as an excellent college prep school didn't simply rely on its status, it had measurable factors of guaranteeing a student's sucess. One example would be their big budget that allowed them to hire the best teachers, who furthermore had to go through evaluations on their work methods each term to prove their competence. This ensured a high quality in education at all times.

But what enticed students even more than the educational quality was the prestige and status of attending Otonokizaka Private Academy. Managing to get into Otonokizaka as a commoner meant more than just receiving higher education; it meant social upgrading for the whole family. Attending Otonokizaka had as much prestige as attending Tokyo University or any other elite university. Being able to send their child there secured not only bragging rights, but almost the guarantee of being paid out richly later, when the child would transfer from Otonokizaka to an elite university to a top position in either the corporate world or the ministries and politics.

Nozomi had expected pride to swell up in her chest everytime she saw herself wearing Otonokizaka's trade mark outfit, but instead she felt nothing. Quite the opposite, wearing the uniform had become a burden whenever she was on her way to and from school; she could feel people's curious gazes on her, staring after her, scanning her outfit from shoulder to toe.

The reason why she felt uncomfortable wearing Otonokizaka's uniform was quite simple. She was no part of that world. She might have been wearing its exclusive school uniform and she might have been officially enrolled in Otonokizaka, but she didn't belong to that school. At this point, she felt like an unwelcome guest, and certainly was treated as such by most students there.

The moment Nozomi thought about what awaited her in Otonokizaka, she shivered, trying to suppress any more negative thoughts, but her brain didn't comply. Pictures of various snarling faces showed up, and among them, one was framed with golden hair.

Nozomi quickly shook her head. It was time to go now or she would be late for school.

* * *

Ayase Eli was her name, Nozomi later found out. The name of the blonde girl who seemed to have a scowl permanently etched on her face, with cold blue eyes staring unemotionally down at her as her harsh words brought Nozomi to tears.

Ever since their first unpleasant meeting, Nozomi was keen on staying out of Ayase's sight, avoiding any chances of possible confrontation. She only entered a classroom when she was sure that Ayase's back was turned to her or if her attention was focused elsewhere. And she never left a classroom before her.

Nico quickly realized the reason behind Nozomi's cautious behavior, but she didn't comment on it. She was of the same opinion that it was better for Nozomi to completely avoid Ayase. Instead, she taught Nozomi the unspoken rules of Otonokizaka and explained how the hierarchy inside there worked.

"The Iron Three?"

"Yeah, that's what they're called, and seems like you managed to bump heads with all of them in one day when I explicitly told you to avoid them." With her arms crossed behind her head, Nico stared up at the ceiling with a blank look, absently chewing on a straw that she had pulled out of her empty juice box. "Well, it's too late now anyway, so I better tell you everything before you make another mistake."

Nozomi refrained from defending herself, knowing that it would hit deaf ears anyway.

"The Iron Three got their name from the term 'Iron Triangle'. Know what that means?"

It didn't ring a bell, so Nozomi slowly shook her head.

"Well, it's not really something they would call themselves, so I didn't expect you to know." Nico picked the straw out of her mouth. "Let me ask you a comprehension question first. Who rules Japan?"

The answer came instantly. "The Prime Minister."

"Bzz," Nico imitated a buzzer sound, grinning when Nozomi's confident expression slipped into confusion. "I didn't ask who leads Japan politically. I asked who rules it, who actually has the power to change stuff and direct the course of our future."

Nozomi hesitantly tried again, "The National Diet? They select the Prime Minister and pass laws, they are the highest organ of state power according to the Constitu-"

"Bzz," Nico interrupted again. She let out a little laugh when she saw Nozomi's upset expression. "Well, you're not entirely wrong. But it's such a perfect textbook answer that it's boring again."

Using her straw to vaguely point in Nozomi's direction, Nico said with a shrug, "Well, I guess it's not really your fault for saying that politicians have the greatest power in ruling our country, because that's exactly what they're trying to make us believe." She crumpled the straw in her hand. "But if you really think about it, they're so weak compared to what other institutions can do."

Nozomi watched Nico sticking the straw back into the empty juice box, pushing until it completely disappeared inside.

"I'm pretty sure our world would be a fairer place if big businesses didn't have a say in what fairness means to them," Nico muttered, rubbing her tired eyes. "Like, literally everything would be different if there was no lobbyism. If the bill for minimum wage had gotten through years ago, my mom wouldn't have had to work three jobs to feed me when she was eighteen."

Holding her breath, Nozomi forced herself to stay natural, not wanting to let the new bit of information change anything about her behavior. It was the first time Nico mentioned anything of her past. Even though the story of how her mother started out as a poor, single parent was no secret, often retold when describing the course of her idol career, it still had something refreshing to hear it directly from a reliable source such as her daughter.

"Liars, all of them, so eager to promise change for the better whenever it's election time," Nico said, her voice getting more agitated, "but the moment they're chosen, they shut up. They take the bribe money from some big companies and just shut up. Every other public discussion is just for show."

With her elbows on the table now, Nico leaned forward, her eyes intensely staring into Nozomi's, who swallowed nervously.

"So I'll ask you again. Who really rules us?"

Nozomi couldn't hold the gaze and averted her eyes, offering unsurely, "Market-driven companies?"

Nico hummed. "You're getting better." She leaned back in her seat again. "It's not that easy of course. And this is where the Iron Triangle comes in." She held up three fingers. "We are ruled by three different factions, who share more common interests than you think. It's because they work so tightly together that they are unmatched in power and status. Hence the name 'Iron Triangle'."

Nico wiggled her pointer finger. "First, the political elite." Her middle finger flexed. "Then, the corporate elite. And third," her ring finger joined the other two, "the bureaucratic elite. They are the three factions that control us. Together, they are the Iron Triangle. You got it so far?"

Nozomi nodded, despite wondering how much of Nico's explanation was her own view.

Nico crossed her arms behind her head again, and let out a long sigh. "And the Iron Three represent this construction. The Sonodas belong to the political elite. Their roots go far back to the samurais. When you think of them, you think of status. Other families might be way richer, but they'll never reach the status of the Sonodas unless they can marry their way in."

After blowing a strand out of her hair, Nico added grumpily, "You might have noticed her popularity. For many families who only possess wealth but less status, it would definitely be an upgrade if they could marry their kid to Sonoda. Imagine all the benefits of having a politically relevant person in your household."

Nozomi lowered her gaze. "Their interest in her seemed genuine to me."

"I guess her looks help," Nico said with an eye roll. "But she's not that great. She's got several girls on her hook and she can't push them off because that will definitely have repercussions for her entire family. You see, there's just one tiny problem to being politically relevant: Someone has to give you that power first. And behind every powerful politician or party, there's a crap load of funds and sponsored money. And now guess who provides all that."

This time, Nozomi was sure that her answer was correct. "The corporate elite."

"Bingo," Nico said with a smirk. "Groupings of big companies give a few chosen politicians a high pedestal to stand on in exchange for favorable laws that benefit their business. And voila, we've got a perfect co-dependent system where everyone is a winner except for everyone who's not part of it. So like, 99% of our population."

Her voice dripped with sarcasm, indicating Nico's passive aggressive attitude towards the topic she had started herself. Nozomi wondered how long she had been waiting to tell someone her true thoughts, restricted by her environment where she couldn't criticize the people who were part of the 'system' that she detested.

"Now, next question, Nozomi, and I'm sure you'll get this one right too," Nico said with a lop-sided smile on her lips. "Which snob of the Iron Three belongs to the corporate elite?"

There was only the choice between Ayase and Nishikino left. Nozomi didn't know much about either of them, but she knew slightly more about the latter one.

"Nishikino?" she asked, remembering how the red-haired girl had claimed that half of Otonokizaka was owned by her family.

"Ding ding." Nico imitated the sound of a bell, nodding with a smirk. "See, I knew you had it in you."

Nozomi blushed, unsure why she felt so happy about a praise for something so minor. Maybe it was because Nico made the effort to include her in the conversation despite her knowing so little about it. She gave Nozomi the feeling that her answers mattered and that her participation was wanted. She was not just a silent listener to Nico.

"Nishikino..." A grimace appeared on Nico's face after muttering that name. "Arrogant, pretentious, obnoxious little brat..."

Nozomi had noticed before that Nico reacted especially sensitive to Nishikino. She didn't dare to ask, believing it was a topic for the future where their friendship was much more developed and allowed discussions of sore matters. Right now, she cherished her new friendship with Nico too much to risk losing it, despite her inner voice telling her that Nico wasn't the kind of person who would suddenly stop being friends with her.

"You met her yesterday, right?" Nico gestured to Nozomi, who nodded. "Spoiled ass. Thinks she owns everything just because her family name is plastered on almost everything. Compared to them, the Sonoda and Ayase family almost seem modest. Almost. Still could buy up our country though."

Nozomi quickly made the connection with the information she had acquired so far. "So the Nishikinos represent wealth while the Sonodas represent status?"

"That's right," Nico sighed. "Though the Nishikino family has been around for a while, they're still not really trusted. It's exactly because of their wealth that people have begun to fear them. Like, what do you even do with all that money? You probably think, something social to help people, right?"

The moment Nozomi tilted her head up for a nod, Nico shook hers. "Nope. You invest that money so you get even more at a later time. They've got so many shares in all kinds of stocks and funds that if they ever decide to move their assets around, it would definitely have an impact on the national stock price, maybe even internationally."

Nozomi could feel Nico getting more and more agitated, so she directed the conversation to a safer lane, asking something she had wanted to know ever since she was made aware of the social structure of the Iron Three. "What about Ayase? What do they represent?"

Nico blinked a few times, her mind needing a few seconds to catch up with the topic change while her emotions were still upset from talking about Nishikino. "You can answer that yourself now."

"The bureaucratic elite," Nozomi said, frowning in confusion. "It doesn't tell me much."

"You're not the first one to underestimate their power," Nico replied with a sigh. "You know those old men sitting in the ministries? That's the bureaucratic elite. They are the ones who call the shots on things that matter. Ayase's father is a senior bureaucrat there, he's got a network of loyal puppets beneath him and even his bosses don't have anything on him. Ministers change every year; before they know how to run this thing, they're gone. But Ayase, he's been there his whole life, he knows the system inside out."

From Nozomi's intrigued expression, Nico could tell that she wanted to know more about that particular family. "Wondering if Ayase got that attitude from her father?"

Nozomi ducked her head in embarrassment when her thoughts had been so easily read.

Nico chuckled. "She definitely did. Her father gets shit done, so does she. Why else would she bother to be the student council president?"

"Student council president..." Nozomi whispered. So she wasn't just a member. But Nozomi should have known that Ayase Eli was more of the leader type. "What do you mean by 'bother to be'?"

"Isn't that obvious?" Nico let out an empty laugh. "Look around you, you're literally surrounded by all types of future leaders. There's hardly anyone above them in terms of power, which is why they won't respect you if you're not at least around their level. If you or I were in the student council, we might as well be dirt beneath their shoes. No one is going to give a shit about us."

Nico flicked her finger against her empty juice box, sending it skidding across the table before it came to a stop just before the edge. Nozomi pushed it back into the middle so it wouldn't fall off.

"The only reason Ayase can still order most of the people here around is because her family is even more powerful with its positions in the government and its connections to the imperial family as well as to other elites like the Sonodas and Nishikinos. Do you get it now? They're all connected somehow. They all profit from each other."

"So the three of them are friends of convenience?"

"Probably," Nico muttered. "I mean, their parents have that relation, so why should they be different? The Sonodas provide a political voice for the Nishikinos and Ayase family. The Nishikinos fund everything the Sonodas and Ayases decide to do. And Ayase backs up and legitimizes every political and economic decision of theirs with his power as a respected bureaucrat. It's that easy."

Nico smiled weakly when Nozomi's eyes widened in shock. "And this is how we got a nice triangle of status, wealth and power. Isn't it great how well they complement each other?"

It was frightening, to say the least, Nozomi thought. A monopoly of such power should not exist.

"So in short," Nico concluded, "you want endless money? Go for Nishikino. You want absolute power? Go for Ayase. Or do you want the highest status? Well, Sonoda will be your choice then. Now I'm not saying that by possessing one of those traits, they lack the others. But those are their main attributes and they have more of that than the others."

She didn't want to think about it, but Nico's words made her naturally curious on what was most important to her. What would she choose? Wealth, status or power?

But didn't wealth automatically come with status or power? Was there anyone powerful or privileged without wealth? So money would not be her first choice as she was sure that she didn't need more than from a certain sum on. Whether multimillionaire or multibillionaire, all the needs she could possibly have would already be met with the former amount of wealth.

To have status and be respected would certainly have its benefits, but she also wanted her words to matter. She wanted to be heard and seen, she wanted her actions to have an impact. Power would give her the possibility to finally assert herself and shed her weak, insecure image.

The image of cold blue eyes staring down at her stopped her train of thoughts, and she quickly dismissed that idea. She wanted no part of that world.

"Scary," she mumbled, lowering her gaze.

"If you think about it, yeah," Nico agreed quietly. "But that's how it's always been. There's no real point in knowing this stuff because you can't change anything about it. But now that you are in Otonoki, you should at least have an idea of how shit works here so you don't get pulled right into it."

Nozomi shyly peered at Nico. "Thank you."

Nico waved her off. "You bought me a juice box, we're fine."

Smiling, Nozomi said, "The price you set is low."

"Only for you," Nico said with a shrug, and it warmed Nozomi's heart. "I usually charge 1,000 yen for every minute I have to talk and another 2,000 if it's relevant stuff. But I'm not planning to bankrupt you. Having you around is kinda nice."

Nozomi covered her cheeks and ducked her head.

Cute, Nico thought, grinning.

"Hey, Nico!"

Two hands covered her eyes from behind. "Guess who?" a light voice asked.

Nico sniffed. "Well, it's Rin talking, but I smell melon bread, so it's Honoka's hands."

"Aw," her friends groaned in disappointment, and the hands were taken off her eyes.

Nozomi instantly leaned back, eyeing the newcomers with an insecure look.

"Hi there!" the girl named Honoka enthusiastically waved at Nozomi. "I'm Kosaka Honoka! You're the new scholarship student, right? That's amazing! You must be like super smart to get in."

"And I'm Rin!" another girl brightly said, putting her hands on the table as she leaned forward, eagerly scanning Nozomi's face. "Whoa, you're super pretty."

"Oh?" Nozomi's face heated up. "Th-thank you."

"Hey, hey, what's your name?" Honoka excitedly teetered on her feet. Rin tilted her head. "Where do you come from? How do you know Nic- ouch!"

Both Honoka and Rin rubbed the back of their heads. Nico lowered her hands after giving them a light hit. "Calm down, both of you."

"Unfair," Rin complained, "why didn't you introduce her to us?"

Nico pinched the bridge of her nose. "Because I feared that exactly this was going to happen."

"What are you talking about," Honoka laughed, clapping against Nico's back. "Every friend of Nico's is our friend."

"That's right," Rin agreed with a bright grin. She curiously eyed Nozomi. "So what's your name?"

Sensing that those two were genuinely interested in her with no ulterior motive, Nozomi relaxed slightly. If they were Nico's friends, then they couldn't be that bad. "T-Tojo Nozomi."

"Nice to meet you, Nozomi," Rin and Honoka said cheerfully.

"Oi," Nico pulled at the back of their blazers so they wouldn't lean across the table and invade Nozomi's personal space further, seeing that the latter one was overwhelmed by the surplus of energy the two carried. "Where are Hanayo and Kotori?"

"Hm? They're right behind us..." Gesturing to thin air, Honoka trailed off. "...not. Huh?"

"But they were behind us a second ago!" Rin scratched her head.

"You probably ran off way too fast again, leaving them behind," Nico muttered, and her theory was proven right a second later when two more girls approached them, out of breath.

"Rin," the brown-haired one panted, holding her sides. "Don't run off...without us..."

"Sorry, Kayochin! It won't happen again."

"Oh, hi," the brown-haired girl shyly waved at Nozomi after noticing her. "I'm Hanayo."

"And I'm Kotori," the last girl introduced herself with a kind smile.

Despite knowing that all of them seemed to be good people and that they only meant well, Nozomi felt herself getting uncomfortable around so many new faces at once and becoming the center of attention.

"That's Nozomi," Nico jumped in when she noticed that Nozomi was too nervous to speak up. "And we were busy having a private talk, so shoo." She gestured with her hands to make her friends leave them alone again.

"Eh? Why?" Honoka protested as Nico pushed against her stomach. "We want to know more about Nozomi too!"

"Maybe some time later," Nico said through gritted teeth when Honoka didn't budge. "Kotori, a little help?"

Kotori linked her arm with Honoka's and gently pulled her away from the table. "Come on, let's sit over there."

Hanayo followed them, which automatically prompted Rin to bounce after them.

"Honestly," Nico sighed, crossing her arms. "Sorry. They have like no tact at all. I mean, they are good kids, but...still kids. I'm only talking about Honoka and Rin though. Kotori and Hanayo have more common sense."

"Thank you," Nozomi muttered, embarrassed that she had to be even protected from Nico's friends. She didn't mean to separate them. "I'm sorry. Lunch break is over soon, I can head back to class first and you can still-"

"What are you talking about," Nico furrowed her brows. "I've been putting up with them for the past two years, finally I can get a break from those idiots with a good reason."

Nozomi hid her smile behind her hand. She could tell that Nico cared about them a great deal and only said that to make Nozomi feel less guilty. "Thank you."

"Geez, stop saying that," Nico rubbed her neck in slight embarrassment, "what is this mushy feeling, I don't like it."

Laughing quietly, Nozomi's eyes noticed Nico's friends curiously looking over at them from across the room and abruptly turning away when they had been caught. "Are your friends from powerful families too?"

"What do you think?"

Nozomi slowly shook her head. "They seem...different."

"You mean carefree," Nico said. "It's because they hold no expectations, no burdens. Honoka and Hanayo belong to the new rich. There's no status they have to uphold, there's no power they have to preserve. Someone who can smile that freely doesn't carry any weight on their shoulders."

Nico's friends were laughing, joking and teasing each other, causing more noise than what was usual in the school restaurant. No other group of students was behaving like this, and the difference became clear when the rest was glaring at the table where the loud laughter was coming from.

"In some way, it's ironic."

Nozomi questioningly looked at Nico.

"Well, compared to the old rich, their status and power is so low, there's not much you can take from them to begin with." Nico snorted. "Let's say, they screwed up with the Iron Three. But they are so far beneath their league, there's no point for the Iron Three to go out of their way to ruin them. They don't hang out in the same circles, and crossing the lines would be too much trouble."

Nozomi noticed Honoka waving her way, and she suppressed a laugh when Honoka pulled a grimace and stuck out her tongue, then grabbed a fistful of her hair on both sides to imitate Nico's twintails.

Nico narrowed her eyes. "She's mocking me, isn't she."

"No?" Nozomi breathed out a giggle in a poor attempt to defend Honoka.

Nico abruptly turned around in her seat, and Honoka quickly let go of her hair, pretending to be listening to Kotori. "Hmpf."

"What about the other two?" Nozomi asked. Nico hadn't made Rin's and Kotori's place clear yet.

"Oh, those two are special cases," Nico turned back around after giving Honoka a warning glare. "Rin's a gold-winning national athlete so it's her own status that got her in. Her parents are better off than most people, but they can't really be considered as rich. It's enough to pay the tuition without becoming indebted I guess."

Intrigued, Nozomi watched Rin playing with Hanayo's hair despite the latter one's embarrassed protest. Her eyes moved over to Kotori, who also looked on with a gentle smile. Nozomi noticed that Kotori's sitting posture was straight and naturally elegant; her legs were closed and her hands were on her lap.

"And Kotori is another exception," Nico said, knowing why Nozomi's expression had gotten thoughtful. "Her family has been around for as long as those of the Iron Three. The Minamis were a scholar family that published a lot of books and won a lot of prizes, and they used all that money to build schools and research institutions. Otonoki is one of them. But that has been decades ago, now there are only like four people left who are related to the Minamis by blood. Kotori is the only Minami in the younger generation."

Nico propped her chin on her hand. "Everyone's wondering where their money is coming from now. They were scholars, not business people, and they made some bad investments that were all pulverized in the previous financial crises. Poof, gone."

Nozomi didn't know why, but she felt sorrow in her heart at this information. "What about their book sales?"

"Nah, not enough for a noble family. Their most recent books were written like thirty years ago. All the money that their earlier generations have earned must have run out by now. They've only got few patents on some unimportant stuff. " Nico thoughtfully tilted her head. "I often wonder about this, but it's not something you can just ask her, you know. Kotori's the sweetest girl around here, she's probably the only one from an old money family who kept her feet on the ground."

She did seem like it, Nozomi thought, watching the girl smiling kindly at her friends even when they weren't looking at her. She seemed to be genuinely happy in their presence.

A melodious bell ringing signaled the end of lunch break, and the sound of chairs being pushed back echoed throughout the room.

"Come on, let's go," Nico said, already standing. "The teachers here are actually strict if your name is irrelevant."

Nozomi quickly stood up. "But isn't your name known?"

A humorless laugh escaped Nico. "Known? Probably. Relevant? Meh." She walked ahead.

Frowning, Nozomi followed her, staring at the shorter girl's back. "But your mother is-"

"I know who my mother is," Nico said without looking back. "But I also know who she'll never be. Who we'll never be."

Falling silent, Nozomi trailed behind Nico without another word. As eager Nico had been to tell the life stories of others, as reserved was she about her own. Nozomi hoped that she would one day get to hear hers.

* * *

"Umi."

Umi's eyes darted to the side, seeing red hair appear next to her. "You're not wearing your tie."

Rolling her eyes, Maki matched her pace with Umi as they walked down the alley between the main school building and the school gates, heading outside. "Didn't feel like it. And stop sounding like Ayase."

Umi kept leisurely walking, her indifferent gaze pointed ahead. "What do you want."

"Actually," Maki paused for a yawn and stretched her arms, "just wanted to ask if you're down for a race? I don't feel like going straight home."

"I'm afraid I'll have to postpone that offer," Umi replied, genuinely sorry. "I am otherwise preoccupied this afternoon."

"Oh, I see," Maki said, smirking. "You're going on a 'not-date'."

When Umi stayed silent, Maki snorted in laughter. "I knew it! So which one is it? Ishikii? Mitsui? Sumitomo? Or Yasuda?"

"I don't see how that information helps you."

"So you  _are_  going out with one of them."

Umi sped up her pace and Maki had to considerably put more effort into making her walking not look like running. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hey, I've got an idea."

"I doubt that I want to hear it," Umi said drily, but she had slowed down so Maki could walk besides her again.

"Let's make it a double date. Bring your girl to the race track."

There were many things Umi wanted to point out, but her first reaction was to say, "I do not have a 'girl'. And as far as I'm aware of, neither do you."

"Pff, Umi," Maki chuckled, punching against Umi's arm in amusement. "You're hilarious."

Umi frowned. "I do not see how."

Humming absently, Maki took out her phone and scrolled through her contact list. "No, not her..." Her thumb kept scrolling down. "...too clingy...just broke up...hates me...hates me too...would probably kill me...doesn't hate me as much, bingo. Now, watch and learn." Maki gestured to her phone and dialed the number she had chosen, giving Umi a meaningful look. "Hi there, it's me, I was just going to ask if – eh? Yeah? Wha-"

Maki quickly held the phone away from her ear, eyes widening when the furious shouting could still be heard at an arm length's distance.

Umi chuckled. "Thank you, I learned very much."

Maki turned off her phone. "Shut up."

Walking past the huge iron gates of Otonokizaka, they left the school grounds, and saw the familiar sight of black limousines parking in a row in front of the school with their drivers waiting outside for their respective passengers.

"Hm? Your car is not here," Maki remarked, having memorized each family's car and driver from seeing them everyday.

"Well-"

"Umi!" A girl was waving at her out of the window of her limousine.

"Yasuda, eh?" Maki said with a hum. "She's actually pretty decent. She's more your type than anybody else."

"How do you know my type," Umi raised an eyebrow.

Maki snorted. "Umi. I've known you for years now. Believe me, I know your type. It begins with 'K' and ends with 'otori'."

Tensing, Umi averted her gaze. "Excuse me, I have to leave now. Good day to you."

Maki's smirk went unseen when Umi turned her back on her and walked up to the limousine waiting for her. The driver opened the door for her and Umi joined Yasuda in the back seat.

"Ms Nishikino."

"Oh, hey," Maki greeted her own driver, giving him her school bag. "Do you mind if we stop by the race track today?"

"But Miss, your mother wishes to have you punctually at home before dinner."

"I know, it's okay. You won't be held responsible." Maki entered the limousine. "Please just drive me there."

"As you wish."

* * *

Nozomi was retrieving books from her locker when she noticed a tall shadow looming over her. She held her breath, feeling her heart sinking. She didn't want to turn around, knowing that nothing good awaited her. But she sooner or later would have to face whoever that was standing behind her, so she bit her lip and turned around.

Her eyes widened and she stumbled, her back hitting the lockers. Those cold blue eyes that were unblinkingly staring down at her could only belong to one person.

"Tojo," Ayase Eli whispered sharply, "Why so afraid?"

Nozomi didn't know what to answer, and just helplessly shook her head. "Please..."

"Please what?" Eli said, taking a step closer, and Nozomi wanted to be swallowed whole by the lockers behind her.

"Tell me, of what are you so afraid?" Eli whispered, eyes boring into Nozomi's. She placed a hand against the lockers, next to Nozomi's head, effectively trapping her. "Why is it that you can't look me in the eye?"

Nozomi silently begged for anyone to come and interrupt them, closing her eyes because she couldn't bear to look at a hostile face this close.

"Look at me!" Eli punched the lockers with her palm, startling Nozomi who let out a breathless gasp. Lips trembling, Nozomi tilted her head up, and her frightened gaze met Eli's eyes.

And as quick as the blonde had trapped her against the lockers, as quick had she distanced herself from her again.

For some reason, Eli was breathing heavily, and her piercing eyes had lost their edge, now wide open in shock. She turned her back to Nozomi. "Your locker is next to mine. I'd appreciate it if you could finish up soon." If Nozomi wasn't imagining things, then Eli's voice was shaking.

Nozomi quickly gathered everything she needed for today and shut her locker. She left not without glancing over her shoulder at Eli, whose stiff stance hadn't changed.

* * *

Nozomi didn't tell anyone about Eli's outburst, especially not Nico, as she was sure that it would only cause far more trouble than it was worth it. What Nozomi wanted to avoid the most was conflict of any kind, and since the blonde was ignoring her now after the incident, there would be no point in stirring up a mess. She was finally left in peace by Eli.

Even Maki didn't bother to harass her anymore, not sparing her a second glance whenever they passed in the hallways. As for Umi, Nozomi still couldn't believe that she was receiving an acknowledging nod whenever they saw each other, and she couldn't help but feel oddly triumphant. Someone with a status as high as Sonoda Umi was acknowledging her. It proved that it was not her fault that the other two of the Iron Three could barely accept her existence. There was nothing wrong with her.

Though her situation with the rest of her classmates wasn't ideal, she found comfort in the presence of Nico's friends who quickly became her friends too after the initial awkward stages, and meeting up with them during lunch break was something she looked forward to everyday; it was one of the few things that gave her enough strength to get out of bed every morning.

Attending Otonokizaka wasn't an improvement to her previous school experiences, but neither was it a change for the worse. Though she had become a bigger target for students with the tendencies to deride others, she also had more friends who readily defended her and had no qualms fighting back dirty. Especially Nico wasn't reserved about her choices of insult, always knowing where to strike so it would bleed the most. Nozomi truly feared that one day, Nico would suddenly end up missing, with her body found floating in a river days later.

Nozomi felt lucky to have found a small group to belong to in a world where she couldn't be more of an outsider. Despite their many differences, especially concerning financial backgrounds, Nozomi never felt inadequate around her new friends as they didn't care as much about spending money as the rest of the students in Otonokizaka. The activities they usually chose could be well enjoyed without having deep pockets, or any money at all. The only time Nozomi was reminded of their comfortable financial situation was whenever they ordered food, they didn't have to consider prices as much as Nozomi did.

She was slowly getting accustomed to Otonokizaka while at the same time, she knew she would never belong or fit in. Despite feeling more confident than on her first day, she still couldn't do much against the people who decided to mock her whenever she was alone. It never lasted long as they quickly lost interest in her when she didn't respond, but every time it happened, her confidence and feeling of self-worth shrunk back.

Nozomi could only bite her tongue and count the months to her graduation in those moments. Repeatedly telling herself that everything was just temporary sometimes alleviated the pain, but most of the time it didn't. She wanted things to be better now, not in a year. Though graduating from Otonokizaka would assure her a golden ticket to Tokyo University, the reward couldn't come soon enough, becoming a hazy goal in the distant future that couldn't motivate Nozomi in the presence.

In a rare moment of weakness, Nozomi almost wished to have never gotten the scholarship for Otonokizaka. Yes, she had found loyal and caring friends, but how long were they going to play the role of her protectors until they got tired of her? How long until they realized that there was nothing to gain from befriending Nozomi?

Nozomi hated herself for not being able to appreciate some things as they were, always fearing a dark side to everything that made her happy. Something with the power to move her heart also had the power to break it, which was why she couldn't turn off the subconscious fear of good things becoming bad.

Right now, she managed to hold her doubts in because it would only upset Nico if she ever found out about Nozomi's fears. But Nozomi couldn't help it, everything new and emotionally consuming terrified her.

And in Otonokizaka, everything was new and terrifying.

* * *

"Come in."

"Excuse me for intruding," Nozomi said quietly after entering the principal's office.

Just as nervous as the first time she had been inside this room that smelled of old books and polished wood, Nozomi focused on not stumbling her way to the chair opposite of Director Minami. But staying calm wasn't a light feat to do if she didn't know the reason she had been called here for.

"Please take a seat," the principal said, and gestured to the cushioned armchair opposite of her. Her mahogany desk was the only thing between them.

Even after sitting down, Nozomi could feel her legs trembling. Was she going to get kicked out after one month? Did Minami Senior realize that she had made the wrong decision by choosing Nozomi for the scholarship after the girl had failed to socialize with most of her environment?

"Ms Tojo," the chairwoman of Otonokizaka said quietly, folding her hands on her desk. "What do you think is the reason I called you here?"

Nozomi swallowed. "I'm sorry, I do not know."

"Hm," dark eyes thoughtfully peered at her. "You do not know or you do not want to acknowledge it?"

Nozomi gazed down at her lap.

Minami let out a low sigh. "Ms Tojo, it's come to my attention that you have difficulties integrating into Otonokizaka."

Nervously wringing with her hands, Nozomi shook her head, "It must be a misunderstanding."

"Oh? Then I must have imagined Ayase storming into my office and demanding you to be expelled for being incompatible with the rest of the student body."

Eyes widening in shock, Nozomi felt her face being drained of blood, and there was this inexplicable ache in her heart. Why did Eli go so far in an attempt to get rid of her after they had weeks of what Nozomi thought was an unspoken truce?

"There is no need to look this upset," Minami gently said after seeing Nozomi's reaction. "I do not share the same view as Ayase."

The cold fear, which had locked her body in a frozen stance seconds prior, slowly dissipated at those reassuring words. She was not going to be expelled.

"But I'm afraid I have to agree with Ayase's observance," the principal sighed. "I do not expect you to build life-long friendships with everyone in this school, but I had hoped for more participation in some school activities."

Nozomi unsurely gazed at her opposite. School activities?

"In other words," Minami elaborated, "I'd like it if you join a club or something in the administrative field."

"Administrative...field?" Nozomi repeated.

Minami smiled. "Yes. The student council could need a new vice president after the last one resigned."

Nozomi paled. "The...student council?"

"Don't you agree that this is a good opportunity to prove Ayase wrong?" Minami asked, smiling.

Nozomi had never felt this much horror at having to prove someone wrong before, so she couldn't agree that this was a good opportunity for anything. It was only a good opportunity for Eli to skin her and get rid of her for once and for all.

"Can I – can I join a school club instead?" Nozomi stuttered, a pleading tone in her shaking voice.

"Well," Minami paused, scanning Nozomi's begging expression. "If that is what you prefer, then I have no reason to object you. But if you are not a permanent member of a school club within two weeks, then I'm afraid I'll have to appoint you to the new vice president."

Nozomi felt it was too early to breathe out in relief. Two weeks could pass in the blink of an eye. "What happened to the last vice president?"

Minami thoughtfully looked to the side. "She didn't disclose any information on her reasons for resigning, so I'm afraid I can't offer you an answer. Even if I did know, that is something I cannot share. Your best bet would be to ask Ayase."

So it would forever remain a mystery, Nozomi thought. Pigs would be faster in gaining the ability to fly than Nozomi in gaining the desire to initiate a conversation with Ayase Eli.

* * *

When her friends learned of the ultimatum set by the principal, Kotori immediately offered to talk to her mother about changing her mind. But Nozomi knew that it was pointless, and neither did she want to cause trouble for Kotori.

Joining a club was easier said than done. Alone the thought of having to meet up with people after school who could barely tolerate her was enough for Nozomi to consider dropping out of school. None of her friends were in clubs either, they were otherwise preoccupied after school. Honoka usually went to her family's main shop to learn the secrets of making sweets, Nico had private dance and singing lessons, Kotori went after her hobby of sewing clothes and Hanayo simply refused to join any club activities that required her to move while Rin was already a professional athlete, traveling around the world for competitions, which made her miss school half of the time.

So Nozomi had no choice but to join a club where no familiar face was already in it.

No, she suddenly corrected herself. There was one club where she already knew someone.

* * *

"What is she doing here?"

"Who knows. But Sonoda won't let her stay, right?"

"Urgh, it better be a joke."

"Maybe she joined to get close to Sonoda."

"As if. She's so out of her league."

Wishing her ears weren't that sensitive, Nozomi pretended she didn't hear what the other members in the archery club were whispering as they waited for Sonoda Umi to appear in the archery range.

"Does it fit?"

Surprised, Nozomi looked up to find herself staring into soft amber eyes. "Y-yes, I think."

"It needs to sit comfortably so it doesn't restrict your movements, nor should it be too loose or it will get in the way," Umi explained. She scanned Nozomi's archery outfit with a fleeting look. "Your hakama will come off tied like this." She gestured to the blue cloth around Nozomi's waist and lowered her voice, her gentle eyes boring into Nozomi's, "May I?"

It took Nozomi a second to realize that Umi was asking for her permission to fix her hakama for her. She quickly nodded.

Getting down on one knee, Umi untied her hakama and tied it again with precise and fluid movements, and Nozomi would have felt embarrassed about their proximity if she didn't feel envious glares burning on the surface of her skin.

Standing up again, Umi nodded to herself in satisfaction at her work. "You are now ready." Turning to her members, she ordered, "Practice as usual while I give Tojo some instructions. Only call me when it's urgent."

"Yes!" was chorused back. Not happy about the situation but unable to complain, the members positioned themselves at the many parallel shooting lanes and began their practice.

"Have you ever held a bow before?" Umi asked, holding out a bow for Nozomi. Nozomi took it with a shake of her head.

"Then let's start from the beginning."

Umi showed her the basics of stance, grip and breathing. Nozomi quickly knew the theory inside out, but had difficulty implementing it in practice. Especially drawing the string far back proved to be an almost impossible task for someone without trained arm muscles. There was a force behind it that was unimaginable to someone looking on from the outside. The draw weight was exhausting Nozomi's strength, and after half an hour of practice, her right arm was beginning to shake. She accidentally released her arrow too early without having been able to take aim, and it got stuck in the grass after flying directly towards the ground.

Nozomi bit her lip in frustration. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Umi said calmly. "Try again."

Her arm muscles were protesting, there was no way she could shoot another arrow. She wanted to keep going, but her physical limits had already been reached. "I-I'm sorry, but I can't-"

"Then leave."

Shocked, Nozomi stared up at Umi, who crossed her arms. "I was under the impression that you joined our club with serious intentions. But if you are not willing to push your boundaries, then I will not push them for you. Leave if you have no desire to surpass your limits and become stronger."

Hearing the other members snickering at her, Nozomi clenched her fist and looked down. "I'm not going to leave."

"Look at me and say it again," Umi said. "I want to see conviction."

Nozomi took a deep breath and looked up, squinting at first because Umi's hard gaze was intimidating to say the least. She shortly closed her eyes before opening them again, staring back with the bravest expression she could muster up. "Please let me try again."

Umi's eyes softened. She nodded. "Get in position."

And Nozomi bit the insides of her cheeks as she pulled at the string, ignoring her protesting muscles, but her arms were beginning to shake again, impacting the precision of her aim.

Nozomi held her breath. She only had one thought when she focused her eyes on the target. She was not going to become the vice president under Ayase Eli.

She released the arrow and it hit the target even if on the outer circles. She did a little jump on her feet and turned to Umi with a happy grin, whose lips twitched once, hinting at an amused smile over Nozomi's excitement. "Again."

Feeling confident in her abilities now, Nozomi prepared herself for another shot, raising bow and a new arrow again. Taking a deep breath, she temporarily forgot about her sore muscles, and became negligent of technique and power limits. She abruptly pulled at the string in the wrong hand position, hearing Umi's alarmed "No!" before she felt it; the searing pain in her right wrist, shooting up her whole arm and numbing her right side.

Not even having the time to register what happened, Nozomi's mouth was open in a silent scream, and tears sprung to her eyes. All she knew was that the tiniest movement of her hand brought extreme pain, and she helplessly stared up at Umi, whose eyes were wide open in alarm.

"Follow me, Tojo," her voice had stayed calm despite her alert expression. To her members, who watched on with little sympathy, she ordered, "Keep practicing."

With tears blurring her vision, Nozomi stumbled after the outline of Umi's tall figure, keeping her sobs in. She didn't want to seem weaker than necessary in front of her.

"W-where are we going?" Nozomi asked with shaky breath.

"To someone who can help," Umi replied curtly. When she noticed that she had walked too far ahead of Nozomi, she shortly stopped to let the other catch up. "How much does it hurt?"

"I'm okay if I don't move it," Nozomi said quietly, stabilizing her right wrist with her left hand.

"You might be lucky if it's just a muscle strain," Umi replied, guiding them to an unfamiliar corner of Otonokizaka where Nozomi had never been before.

Standing in front of large double doors, Umi knocked three times before entering. "Excuse us for intruding."

Nozomi blinked, thinking that Umi must have gotten the wrong room because why would a white grand piano be inside the infirmary, and most importantly of all, why would Nishikino Maki be there?

"What...the hell," Maki muttered, standing up from her piano bench. "You know this room is not-"

"It's an emergency," Umi interrupted. "I need to make sure she didn't tear a muscle. I want you to take a look at it."

Both Maki and Nozomi stared at each other in disbelief.

"Maki, please," Umi said when Maki showed reluctance. "You know I don't trust anyone else to be as quick and precise in their judgment as you."

"Fine," Maki muttered. She pointed to an armchair nearby. "Sit down, Tojo."

Nozomi warily looked at Nishikino, then glanced at Umi for reassurance. Was she really in good hands with that harsh red-haired girl?

"She may not look like it," Umi said after seeing Nozomi's hesitance, "but she has an exceptional brain that has memorized at least one hundred procedures to various emergency situations. You will be in good care."

"I'll let the backhanded compliment slide if Tojo gets here right now," Maki growled impatiently.

Nozomi finally obeyed the command and sat down in one of the armchairs.

"Hold out your wrist," Maki muttered. She took Nozomi's right wrist and used two fingers to start pressing from the crook of the elbow down until Nozomi flinched in pain. "Pulled muscle. If it was torn, you would have cried sooner."

Umi's chest slowly heaved and sank in a silent sigh of relief.

"Don't move it, put some ice on it," Maki said, strolling back to the piano. "Will get better in a week, but wouldn't recommend exercising it until at least two weeks."

"Thank you," Nozomi said quietly, still in disbelief that Maki had helped her. How did she know all this?

"Yeah, yeah," Maki muttered dismissively. "You're just lucky that I owe Umi a lot of favors and this is the first time I've been useful."

"While that was not your true motivation, I still appreciate your help," Umi answered, and Nozomi could almost see an amused glint in her eyes.

Gritting her teeth, Maki hissed, "Get out now before I regret it."

Umi turned to Nozomi and offered her a hand to help her stand up. "We should get ice for your injury."

Feeling Maki's eyes on her, Nozomi accepted Umi's hand with her uninjured one and let herself be effortlessly pulled up. They walked out of the room not before hearing the intro of a melody that Maki had begun playing. Foreboding and dark, yet strangely harmonic and beautiful. Nozomi felt something in her gut twisting.

Umi closed the doors. "Excuse my friend's behavior. Her social conduct has always been one of her weaker points."

Nozomi suppressed a snort at the understatement, and quietly followed Umi on their way to the infirmary. The room was unoccupied, and Umi went straight for the fridge where the ice packs were kept cool, taking one of them to hand it over to Nozomi.

"Rest while I fetch your clothes," Umi said, turning to the door. "There is no point in practicing today anymore."

"Wait," Nozomi called out, louder than she had intended to. She subconsciously made herself smaller when Umi turned around to her, giving her a questioning look.

"W-what will happen to me after this?"

Umi furrowed her brows. "Excuse me?"

Nozomi swallowed. "Can I still join the archery club?"

And before Umi gave a reply, Nozomi already knew what the answer would be, seeing it in the apologetic look.

"I'm afraid I'm restricted by rules," Umi said quietly. "Your injury will require you to rest at least two weeks. We have a competition in four. Even without your current situation, four weeks are not enough time to train you until you reach a level where I can allow you to compete. If you do not qualify for competitions, then I cannot allow you to remain on my team. This rule was established to ensure the high quality of Otonokizaka school clubs at all times."

Umi might as well could have slapped her, that was how Nozomi felt, and her face showed it, which caused the taller girl to take a step closer to her in concern. "Tojo?"

"I'm," Nozomi's face paled. She was going to be vice president under someone as unpredictably aggressive and cold as Eli. "I understand..."

Sensing that there was more to than just disappointment at not being able to participate in archery competitions, Umi carefully looked at Nozomi. "If you allow me to, I might be able to help with whatever that seems to trouble you."

But Nozomi shook her head, that was something no one could help her with. And more importantly, she didn't want to be more in Umi's debt than she already was. "Thank you, but it is nothing."

Umi's expression didn't relax, but neither did she probe further on the topic that obviously made Nozomi so miserable. Instead, she announced, "If you excuse me, I will get your clothes now."

As Nozomi watched her leave, she felt her own hope leaving her body, letting behind a structure of tired muscles and aching bones. She stared at the ice pack resting on her right wrist.

"Cold," she whispered, lifting it up when her skin started to freeze. The icy shiver it sent down her spine felt oddly familiar, but the cause was different. She had only felt that way before when intense blue eyes had been gazing down at her.

Nozomi wondered if the ice pack was still warmer than Eli's heart.


	3. Plastic Heart

 

"No, Director Minami, you can't do this," Eli argued in agitation, her face contorted in disbelief and anger. "With all due respect, appointing Tojo to the vice president without the proper procedure of an election by the students is a mistake! Everything has its rules, and using authority to bend the rules is not what Otonokizaka stands for."

Nozomi kept her gaze down on the floor, making sure to remain behind Principal Minami, who stood like a protective wall between her and the furious blonde.

"Ayase," the older woman answered calmly. "Exceptions have to be made when exceptional circumstances occur. Maybe I wouldn't have to interfere if it wasn't the third time a vice president resigned in your two years of being the student council president. Not counting the ones you removed from office after deeming them as incompetent."

Almost letting out a gasp, Nozomi quickly covered her mouth with her left hand.

Eli's expression turned sour, but she didn't let it show through her voice, keeping a calm and professional tone as she replied, "I only want to provide a capable leadership for Otonokizaka and its students. That is all." She smoothed over her tie. "For that goal, I am willing to set strict standards."

"Then it's time to redefine those standards," Minami interrupted. She took a step to the side, revealing more of Nozomi to the other girl. "I am certain that Tojo has something you could need if you truly wish to be a capable leader for Otonokizaka's students."

Gritting her teeth at the implication that Nozomi possessed something she didn't and that she was dependent on her, Eli's narrowed eyes fell on the girl opposite of her, who tried to subtly shuffle her way behind the principal again.

"Please get along," Director Minami said, before turning to leave.

With the word 'wait' lying on the tip of her tongue, Nozomi swallowed it before she could call it, watching helplessly as the door to the student council room fell shut and cut off the view to Minami's back.

She hesitantly turned around to Eli, who was still staring at her in disbelief. She blinked insecurely and averted her eyes.

"Tch," the blonde growled, turning away from Nozomi. "Just don't get in my way."

Nozomi hadn't intended to. She sat down in the chair farthest away from Eli's seat.

Quickly realizing that just sitting there in silence with nothing to do only made the tense atmosphere in the room even more unbearable, she cleared her throat and forced herself to ask, "Is there something I can help with?"

Without looking up from her thick pile of paper work, Eli replied tonelessly, "No."

Among the mixed feelings of fear and nervousness, frustration started to bubble up beneath her chest. It wasn't like Nozomi had asked to become vice president; in fact, she had tried very hard to avoid that situation, so hard that her right wrist was still hurting from it. After two weeks of resting, she could move it again, but writing with a pen still caused a strain on her muscles too much to bear for long.

Nozomi usually liked silence, preferred it in any way over noise, but not if it was charged with so much tension. Even though Eli was not looking at her, she could feel her dissatisfaction radiating off from her. She wondered if she could excuse herself and leave, but then she would get in trouble if Director Minami caught her outside. No, she would at least have to wait half an hour to make it believable that they were done with their work. But the pile of paper in front of Eli was huge, and Eli refused to share, so Nozomi doubted they would be done within an hour.

She startled when someone knocked on the door three times. She gazed at Eli, who hadn't looked up, only replying in an indifferent voice, "Come in."

The door opened. "Excuse me," a familiar voice spoke up, deeper than most feminine voices and very soothing to Nozomi's ears.

Umi entered the room, closed the door behind her and wanted to continue talking when she noticed Nozomi sitting at one end of the U-shaped tables. "Tojo?"

Amber eyes only widened minimally in surprise, but it was still more emotion than she usually showed on her face. Nozomi wondered if she had either become better at reading Umi's expressions or if Umi had become a little bit more open around her.

Nozomi gave her a shy smile. "Hi."

Umi looked at Eli for an explanation, but only got a scowl in response.

"Don't mind her," the blonde said. "What is it that you want?"

When Umi didn't reply, both Nozomi and Eli realized that Nozomi's presence was a hindrance to the topic she wanted to talk about.

Eli sighed. "Tojo, if you don't mind, we're having a private talk."

Nozomi was already standing up, when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Stay," Umi said calmly, looking her in the eye. "It would be rude to request you to go when I am the one who has come to talk." She turned her head to Eli. "We can go outside for a bit."

"Hah?" Eli's scowl deepened. "I have work to do. Either Tojo leaves or you talk to me later."

Nozomi carefully grazed Umi's hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, I can go."

"No," Umi's long fingers firmly stayed on Nozomi's shoulder. "Eli and I will go. Because it's an urgent matter that is of her interest too."

"Tch," Eli pressed through gritted teeth, abruptly standing up and knocking her chair over in the process. "You never come to me with good news." She marched towards towards the door, blonde hair billowing behind her. "Are you going to come or keep fondling Tojo?"

Umi took her hand off Nozomi's shoulder like she had been burned, and Nozomi felt her face heating up.

"I did not touch her with that intention," Umi called after Eli. Despite managing to keep her voice mostly calm, her eyes showed the slight panic she felt. She turned to Nozomi, who had directed her blushing face to the ground. "I did not touch you with that intention. I apologize for doing that without your consent and I regret any misunderstandings it might have caused."

Nozomi quickly realized that it was very important for Umi to get her message across. It was almost endearing how frantic she had become over such a small thing. Nozomi decided to release her. "It's okay. I didn't think much of it until she..." She trailed off, reluctant to say Eli's name. But Umi understood nonetheless.

Narrowing her eyes, Umi looked at the door where Eli had already walked out of. "I do not know what possessed her to say that." She gazed at Nozomi again, her expression softening. "Is she giving you a hard time?"

"No!" Nozomi immediately said, forcefully shaking her head. But her reply came too quickly and with too much vigor for Umi to believe her.

"Excuse me, it seems I have a long talk with Eli ahead of me."

"No, please don't," Nozomi begged, her left hand reaching out and grabbing the sleeve of Umi's blazer to stop her from going. Realizing whose arm she was touching, Nozomi quickly let go and pulled her hand back. "Ah, I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" Umi asked lowly.

"I..." Nozomi knew exactly why, but she didn't know how to articulate it without coming over as pathetic. Umi was a kind person, but even she would know about their class difference, wouldn't she?

"Don't apologize for no reason," Umi said, stern amber eyes boring into Nozomi's. "People will think that you are apologizing for your existence. Once you give them a reason to think that your existence is of inconvenience to them, they will not hesitate to crush you, using yourself as their harshest weapon. Do you understand?"

Stunned, Nozomi slowly nodded.

"Don't give Eli a reason to believe that she is right in judging you as inferior," Umi said, nodding to the door. "A smart lion doesn't pick an enemy he cannot beat."

Nozomi bit her bottom lip and nodded again.

"Good." Umi gestured to her right arm. "How is your right wrist doing?"

Pulling back the sleeve of her blazer, Nozomi showed her the lightly bandaged wrist. "The doctor said the bandage is only a precaution. I can move it again."

Nodding, Umi straightened herself and smoothed over her red tie. "Very good. Now, I believe I let Eli wait long enough. Excuse me."

And as Nozomi watched her leave, the impulse to reach after Umi's arm almost overwhelmed her again.

* * *

"First you kick me out, then you let me wait," Eli muttered, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. "I'm beginning to think that Tojo might become a threat to your other girlfriends."

"I have no significant others," Umi replied calmly. "Besides, I rather had the impression that you are the one feeling threatened by her."

Eli snorted. "Me? By her? Why would I feel threatened by such a weak and incapable person?"

Umi's expression remained blank. "Because you go out of your way to enforce your dominance." She lowered her voice. "You saw it in her too, didn't you? So untainted...And it intimidates you. If you truly felt no threat, you wouldn't bother to play this game."

A scowl twisted the blonde's facial features. "I have no time for games. Unlike you."

Not reacting to the jab at her, Umi reached inside her blazer. "Are you sure that you want to take this discussion down that road?" And she pulled out a small pill bottle, giving it a slight shake.

Blue eyes widened in recognition, and Eli forced her shaking arms to stay crossed, her hands tightly grasping the sleeves of her blazer to stop herself from snatching the bottle out of Umi's hand. As best as she could, she tried to keep her voice low and calm, but her breathing had sped up and her words came out strangled. "Since when do you play the role of the delivery girl..."

"Since you had that pointless fight with Maki," Umi answered, furrowing her brows. She held up the pill bottle with a thumb and pointer finger, sighing when she noticed Eli's unblinking eyes following every movement of the bottle. "She knows your ration must have run out by now. Your increasingly aggressive behavior gives evidence to that."

"I don't need it," Eli pressed out between gritted teeth, but she couldn't fixate her gaze elsewhere, staring at the tiny bottle with a pained grimace.

"I was of the same opinion, but you didn't listen."

"Don't give me that guilt-trip now," Eli hissed, turning her face away, but her eyes kept flickering to Umi's hand. "Put it away."

"Are you sure?" Umi asked. "A sudden withdrawal might be too harsh."

"Stop talking about it like I'm addicted," Eli raised her voice in anger. "I'm not Nishikino."

"Maki has stopped taking it."

Eli stilled. She slowly turned her head to gaze at Umi. "What?"

Amber eyes stared back calmly. "Didn't you notice her random aggressive outbursts? This is the last bottle she has. Since she has no need for it anymore, she's decided to give it to you. And I should bring over the message that you should treasure it because if you want more, you're either not getting any or at a very costly price."

A low growl emerged from deep within her chest, and Eli finally snatched the pill bottle from Umi's hand. "She's lying."

"It did not seem like that to me."

"Umi, she's always lying." Eli let the bottle slip inside her blazer pockets. "If there's one thing Nishikino is good at, then it's fooling everybody into thinking of her as someone she is not. She's never honest; not with me, not with you and not even with herself."

Umi frowned at the strong accusation. "I refuse to speak lowly of her behind her back."

"So you admit I'm right?"

"No," Umi answered, pausing to think. "I merely believe that we lack perspective and information to rightfully judge." She peered at Eli with a scanning look. "And considering the circumstances, I would have believed that you would be the one to understand her the most."

Eli pushed herself off the wall. "If that is all you came to talk to me about, I'm heading back. I've got work to do."

"Actually," Umi smoothed over her tie, "there's one more thing."

"Yeah? Then make an appointment," Eli said sarcastically, walking past Umi to head back to the student council room.

Umi didn't follow her, simply stating in a calm voice, "So be it then. When can I discuss the closure of our school with you?"

* * *

Eli was taking a long time to get back, Nozomi noted after twenty minutes of being left alone in the student council room. She had begun working on her homework so her time wouldn't be completely wasted, but her attention kept drifting off, producing faint images of soft amber eyes. She quickly shook her head, blushing despite no one being there to judge her thoughts.

So what if Sonoda Umi was nice to her and made a point of caring about her, Nozomi couldn't fool herself into believing that she was automatically safe just because one of the Iron Three didn't openly hate her. It did feel reassuring to have Umi's support, she had even positioned herself against her friends to protect her, but Nozomi wondered what the motive for her behavior was. There was nothing to gain from being nice to Nozomi, there was nothing that Nozomi possessed that could be of interest to Umi.

Nozomi sighed and laid down her pen as it was no use to try working on her homework with her mind distracted.

"You can go now."

Startled, Nozomi's head jerked up, and she felt her heart dropping when she saw that Eli had returned. "I'm- I'm sorry?"

Eli's gaze seemed to go past her when she calmly repeated, "You can go now. I will tell Principal Minami that you have helped me finish my work early."

Nozomi warily glanced at her, not daring to move too quickly. "Is that okay?"

The blonde nodded and walked back to her seat to continue working.

Despite feeling relief at not having to endure the tension of being in the same room as Eli anymore, she couldn't help but wonder what had happened in the time Eli had been outside talking to Umi. The girl that had returned was completely different; her blue eyes lacked the usual icy edge and didn't make Nozomi feel like she was being pierced by them. Her tone was neutral, not bitingly cold. She no longer had a hostile aura surrounding her.

Nozomi felt like she had become invisible to her.

With her bag packed and slung over her shoulder, Nozomi headed towards the door when Eli suddenly spoke up. "Tojo."

"Yes!" Nozomi's voice came off squeaky.

"I assume you will continue to be the vice president," Eli said indifferently, not looking up from her paper work as she continued to fill the documents out.

"Yes," Nozomi confirmed quietly. As if she had another choice.

Eli hummed. "I might let you help if you can prove yourself to be capable."

Nozomi held her breath. Had she misheard? Did she dare to ask again?

"You are dismissed now," Eli said absently.

Knowing that this was her cue to leave without another word, Nozomi rushed out of the room, wondering why her heart was pounding just as scared as it had done when Eli had trapped her against the lockers. Why did the blonde still frighten her when she was being ignored?

* * *

Lunch break today was only Nozomi and Kotori. Nico and Hanayo had snuck out of school to buy concert tickets for their favorite idols, and Rin was dragged along on their illegal trip outside Otonokizaka during school hours.

Nozomi didn't mind being alone with Kotori; in fact, the younger girl had the most soothing personality she had ever met. She felt at ease with her, knowing that she wouldn't be judged for everything she did.

"This would look cute on you, don't you think?" Kotori gushed, pointing to a dress in a fashion magazine. Ever since Nozomi had let the fact slip that she didn't possess any dresses, Kotori had made it her own mission to introduce her to some possibilities. Nozomi hadn't figured out yet how to kindly insinuate that she didn't have the money to shop in the same league as Kotori.

Cringing when she saw the price beneath the picture of the dress, Nozomi cleared her throat and said hesitantly, "That might be too fancy for me..."

"There is no dress that is too fancy for a person," Kotori said earnestly.

When Nozomi didn't reply, Kotori noticed her gaze being stuck on somewhere beneath the picture of the dress, and she quickly realized what really was hindering Nozomi from agreeing with her. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, for a moment I forgot that you might not have the means to purchase it..."

"No, it's okay," Nozomi replied immediately, but it did nothing to erase Kotori's guilt.

Looking embarrassed now, Kotori flipped the fashion magazine shut and pushed it aside. "I didn't mean to be insensitive. If you ever feel uncomfortable about something, please just say it. I don't want you to feel left out."

"No, it's really fine," Nozomi repeated, feeling distressed over the fact that Kotori was getting distressed. "You seem passionate about it, so I didn't want to stop you. I don't mind you telling me more about the things you like."

"Really?" Kotori let out a quiet laugh. "That's the first time someone told me-" She suddenly stopped talking, trailing off in the middle of the sentence, her smile fading.

"Kotori?" Nozomi asked unsurely, but Kotori was smiling again, the distant look in her eyes gone.

"I'm sorry, I just got distracted by my own thoughts," she said with a smile too bright to be fitting the topic. "Thank you."

Perplexed, Nozomi cautiously asked, "For what?"

She didn't know if she was just imagining it, but the curve of Kotori's smile weakened into a wistful one. "It's been a while since someone told me they like listening to the things I'm passionate about."

And Nozomi felt sadness squeezing her heart at seeing the good-natured girl doing everything to put up a happy smile. She slowly reached across the table and nudged Kotori's hand. "The things you just said to me, they are valid for you too. If you feel uncomfortable, don't hide it. You don't have to fake a smile for me."

Kotori's fingers touched Nozomi's. "Thank you." She chuckled quietly. "You really are something else."

Nozomi blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

Kotori smiled again, and this time, it was genuine and warm. "I don't know how to describe it...It's a strange feeling. It's almost like..." Kotori paused, trying to find the right words as she thoughtfully gazed at Nozomi. "It's like I want you to know all my secrets. Because I know they are safe with you."

Feeling her heartbeat speeding up, Nozomi ducked her head, avoiding Kotori's gaze. She wanted to be happy because it was obviously a compliment, but she didn't know what to make of it, she had never considered herself as someone especially trustworthy. What was it in her that Kotori had seen, what was it that made her want to put so much trust and faith in her?

"You are overestimating me," Nozomi whispered. "I just cannot handle the guilt of spreading secrets. That is all."

"No," Kotori shook her head, "that is enough. That is more than most people possess. We normally keep a friend's secrets for the sole reason of not breaking their trust so they will provide us with more in the future. It's common sense that stops us. But you can't do it out of moral restriction that you set for yourself." Kotori grasped Nozomi's hand. "You have something that most of us here in Otonokizaka have lost while growing up in our isolated world. I can't tell yet what it is. But I think my mother saw it too."

Nozomi swallowed. She desperately wanted to know what it was. "Does – does your mother ever talk to you about the students here?"

Shaking her head, Kotori replied, "She never talks about Otonokizaka at home. I'm sorry, I can't ask her what her reason for choosing you was."

She had been seen right through. Nozomi lowered her gaze. "I probably wouldn't even know what to do with the information."

Kotori chuckled. "But knowing or not knowing makes a lot of difference. The more we know, the less we have to rely on believing, don't you think?"

And Nozomi slowly nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Aw, damn, I forgot my textbook for literature," Nico groaned after rummaging in her bag. "Wait here, Nozomi, I'll be right back!"

"Nico-"

But Nico had already run off to head back inside the school building, leaving Nozomi standing alone by the stairs in front of the entrance.

Standing alone plain in sight made Nozomi uncomfortable, but before she could walk to somewhere inconspicuous to wait for Nico, it happened. The thing she had dreaded the moment she found herself being alone surrounded by Otonoki students pouring out of the main building after school.

"Ah, look, it's that commoner girl!"

"Ha, where are her watchdogs?"

"Hey, hey," one of them suddenly appeared in front of Nozomi, smirking at her with a mocking grin. "What's your name? Tojo, wasn't it? Well, not that it really matters, but I've got to call you something or do you prefer going by the name 'hobo girl'?"

Nozomi clenched her fist, willing her voice to speak up and defend herself, but no sound came out. There was no witty response lying on the tip of her tongue, there was no fast comeback she could make up on the spot. She only felt her face heating up, wondering if it was too late to ignore them.

"Oi," a rough voice growled behind them, and Nozomi could suddenly breathe again as she watched her opposite's eyes widening in fear.

With a relieved smile on her lips, Nozomi turned around, breathing out, "Nico," when her smile froze and she didn't find herself looking at Nico's face, but at a sloppily tied blue tie. She tilted her head up.

"Are you just going to let her call you that?" Maki said grumpily, raising an eyebrow at Nozomi. When Nozomi failed to reply in her shock, Maki turned to the other girl who was slowly backing away at seeing the Nishikino heir. "Your name's Matsuoko, ain't it? Not that it matters because your family is just one winning lottery ticket away from being trash, so shut the fuck up."

The girl named Matsuoko bit her lip and suppressed a retort, quickly walking off with her group of friends, and even as they shot scornful glares over their shoulders at Maki, they didn't dare to start talking until they were out of hearing range.

"Tch." With three fingers hooked around the strap, Maki swung her school bag over her shoulder, letting it bounce against her back. She gave Nozomi a tired glare. "I didn't do it for you."

Even as she was treated this condescendingly, Nozomi still couldn't abandon her manners. Looking to the side, she muttered, "Thank you."

"I said I didn't do it for you, so don't thank me," Maki replied tonelessly. "I'm just pissed that Matsuoko thought she could pick on a nobody when she herself is just one financial crisis away from becoming a nobody."

Nozomi really didn't know how to feel about Maki. It should be clear, it should be simple, but Nozomi just couldn't completely resent Maki. She gazed at her right wrist that was still lightly bandaged.

"Precaution, huh," Maki muttered. Her eyes had followed Nozomi's line of gaze. "Does it still hurt?"

Nozomi stared at Maki in disbelief and suspicion. Did Nishikino Maki just ask her about her well-being?

"What?" Maki shrugged. "I just wanted to know if my predictions were any good. Also, if you had said yes, I would have said 'good', because you deserve it for believing that you can join the archery club as a complete beginner. Umi was just too nice to reject you from the start. She always does stuff like this. And what does it get her? Nothing but trouble."

Even if Nozomi had to partly agree about Umi being kind enough to let her try out archery, she didn't think that Umi's kindness was for nothing. "She is a good person."

Maki snorted. "Tojo, you have no idea." Her smirk widened. "Allow me to disillusion you from your image of Umi as a knight in shining armor." She bent down to whisper against Nozomi's ear in a rough, low voice, "Her armor is made of plastic, wrapped with aluminum foil that reflects so brightly that you got blinded by it too."

Nozomi flinched, leaning away from her. "You said yourself that she is nice."

"I did," Maki retorted casually, straightening herself again. "But being nice and being good are not necessarily the same thing. You call people nice based on the actions you can see them doing. But who knows what really goes on inside their minds. Can you really call someone good who does nice things for show?"

When Nozomi didn't reply, Maki smirked and said knowingly, "Can't see Umi in the same light again, huh?"

"Actually," Nozomi cleared her throat, gathering her courage to speak up against Maki, "I still stand by what I said. I rely on the impressions I have made for myself."

Maki's smirk faded. She looked at Nozomi with a raised eyebrow. "Didn't change your mind?"

Nozomi firmly shook her head despite feeling that something was off with Maki's reaction.

"Huh," Maki muttered, furrowing her brows. "Girls usually run off crying by now." She scanned Nozomi with a thoughtful look before letting out a long sigh. "I was just screwing around with you, Tojo. Umi's a saint. She shouldn't be in this godforsaken hellhole of a school."

Nozomi's mouth opened in a silent "Eh?", and she stared at Maki with a stunned expression. Then what was the meaning of all that talk about Umi not being the one who everyone thought her to be?

"I guess I can kind of understand now why Umi bothers to humor you," Maki mumbled, "but damn, she's just searching trouble for herself again."

Nozomi didn't understand anything anymore. What just happened? Had Maki been testing her?

But Maki didn't provide an explanation, instead snapping with her fingers in front of Nozomi's face to get her attention. "Listen up, Tojo. If you want to successfully graduate from here, there's only one thing you need to do. Stay away from Umi."

"Eh – eh?" Nozomi thought she had misheard, and she didn't even know where to begin asking when Maki cut in harshly, "Don't try to treat her as your friend. Don't try to talk to her like you know her. Because you don't. No one knows what she's really thinking."

Maki glanced at Nozomi with an unreadable expression before she let out a small sigh and shook her head. "Geez, of all the people..."

What Nozomi disliked even more than being belittled was not knowing the reason for being belittled. "I don't understand-"

"Of course you don't," Maki interrupted, pulling at her collar and scratching her throat. "I can't really explain it myself either, but there's something about you that's freaking me out. And it's probably the same reason why Umi has got a soft spot for you. And that's a fucking problem."

Torn about what to feel or even focus on in the moment, Nozomi's confused mind tried to catch up with what Maki was saying, but the latter wasn't giving her a chance to process things.

Maki poked a finger against Nozomi's shoulder, seeming like a condescending adult berating a small child. "See it from a different perspective. You, the new kid, who has been here for just a few weeks and who is absolutely ordinary in every way, managed to get on good terms with Sonoda Umi."

Under different circumstances, Nozomi would have taken great offense at being called ordinary in such a scoffing tone, but her mind was stuck on the last part of the sentence.

"Even you must know by now what kind of reputation Umi has," Maki muttered. "Whether it's true or not, let's save it for a debate some other time. But can you follow me where I'm going with this?"

Nozomi swallowed. She took a step back and pushed Maki's finger off her shoulder, surprising the other girl with her unexpected move.

"Yes, but I don't agree."

"Hah?" Maki narrowed her eyes. "Who are you to disagree with m-"

"Tojo Nozomi," Nozomi retorted, using her momentum to act braver than she really felt. "Not that it really matters to you."

Stunned, Maki's facial features lost their rough edges, and she stared at Nozomi with an almost intrigued expression. "So you do got some bite."

"Nishikino?"

This time, Nozomi was certain of Nico's presence as she was the only person Nozomi knew to speak Maki's last name with so much disdain.

Maki barely spared Nico a second glance. "'Sup."

"Don't 'sup' me," Nico growled. "Piss off."

Nozomi sucked in a breath, wondering if that had been the smart thing to say. But as she looked to Maki with an apprehensive gaze, she was surprised by the lack of reaction.

"Sure," Maki shrugged and turned away, giving Nozomi one last look before she leisurely walked off towards the school gates in an unhurried pace.

Both Nico and Nozomi stared after her in disbelief.

"What just happened?" Nico slowly asked, turning to Nozomi with a stunned expression. "What did she do?"

Nozomi frowned. "Nothing."

"Look, you don't have to-"

"No, really," Nozomi interrupted with a shake of her head. "She didn't...do anything."

"Are you sure?" Nico asked skeptically. "That's Nishikino Maki we're talking about. She never talks to anyone outside her circle for 'nothing'."

Should Nozomi tell her about the things Maki said? Did it even have a meaning or had the red-haired girl been exaggerating?

Knowing Nico, Nozomi was sure that it would only cause unnecessary worrying. She decided to carefully change the topic. "Why do you dislike her so much?"

"Hah?" Nico shouldered the strap of her school bag and started walking ahead. "Isn't that obvious?"

Because it was this obvious that no one else bothered to ask further, but Nozomi knew there had to be more. She caught up with Nico. "It feels personal to me."

Nico's scowl deepened and her grip on the strap of her school bag tightened. "Hate is always personal."

Clearing her throat, Nozomi carefully asked, "Did...did something happen between you? Why is it that you don't like her?"

When Nico stayed silent for a longer time, Nozomi almost gave up waiting for an answer, wanting to ask a new question, when her friend suddenly mumbled, "Liar."

"Eh?"

Nico kicked a pebble on the ground, sending it flying meters forward before she kicked it again upon reaching it. "A liar, that's what she is."

Knowing she couldn't rush Nico to talk more if she wanted to find out anything at all, Nozomi focused her attention on the small rocks that Nico kept kicking out of her way.

"I just hate liars," Nico buried her hands in her pockets. "Of any kind. Manipulating, covering or twisting truths for convenience – I'm sick of it. But you know what I hate even more?"

Assuming it was a rhetorical question, Nozomi didn't reply, gazing at Nico with a clueless look.

"People who lie to themselves. People who purposefully stay ignorant so things stay simple and uncomplicated are the worst."

Not knowing how to answer, Nozomi stayed silent. The new information about Maki didn't give her the feeling to know more about her now, quite the contrary, she understood even less. Maki was so brutally direct in voicing her feelings, and she didn't care about her image; how was that the character of someone who bothered with masquerades?

Nozomi didn't get to dwell on these thoughts when a few excited voices called their names from a distance. "Oi! Nico! Nozomi!"

Honoka and Rin were excitedly waving at them with their entire arms moving in the air while Hanayo and Kotori only raised their hands to give a subtle and graceful wave.

Nico's mood considerably improved at seeing her friends, and the wrinkle between her eyebrows disappeared. She nudged Nozomi's arm. "Let's not talk about irritating things anymore. I don't want to get any pimples from stress." And she sped up her pace to meet up with the others so they could head to the café together.

Nozomi stared after her, wondering what exactly it was about Nishikino Maki that could cause Nico so much stress.

* * *

"I knew that there was something foul but damn did I underestimate Ayase," Nico muttered with a straw dangling from her lips.

"Three vice presidents in two years..." Hanayo whispered. "Scary..."

"Not counting the ones she removed from office herself," Nozomi cited Principal Minami's words.

"But I can't even remember our last vice president," Honoka said with a frown, crossing her arms behind her head. "Actually, I don't know any of our past vice presidents."

"It's because they all go under in Ayase's shadow," Nico sighed, chewing on her straw. "There's no need for them. She does all the work herself."

"But still," Rin protested, "vice presidents exist for a reason. This is all so strange." She turned to Kotori next to her. "Does your mother know anything about it?"

Looking uncomfortable, Kotori slowly shook her head. "It's...complicated. She doesn't talk to me about things in school."

"Eh? But she is the principal, you must know  _something-_ "

"Rin," Nico cut off with a warning undertone. "If Kotori doesn't know, then she doesn't know. She wants to have an answer as bad as you do, but nagging her about it won't change anything."

"Oh." Rin leaned back in her seat, giving Kotori a guilty look. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay," Kotori offered a strained smile.

Having followed the interaction with an observant look, Nozomi pretended not to notice the sudden shift in mood. Even when she hadn't been friends for long with them, there was one thing Nozomi had figured out by now. Talking about Kotori's family background was a sensitive matter.

"W-well," Hanayo spoke up, wanting to break the tension, "what if Nozomi just resigns too?"

But Nozomi shook her head. "I'll have to be vice president for at least one month. If I still wish to resign after that month, then I'm free to do so because it really must mean that it's not working out."

"One month?" Honoka groaned. "That's too long, don't you have to be there like every second day?"

"Daily," Nozomi corrected, fidgeting with her hands. "But the president said there's no need for me to come in daily."

"Explains why you're here now," Nico mumbled. "So when do you have to show up?"

"Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays."

"Urgh, that's too many days of putting up with Ayase." Nico crossed her arms. "I really hope for you that this one month goes by quickly. The last thing you want to do is to piss off Ayase. I'm not exaggerating when I say that she can literally ruin your life."

In some ways, Ayase Eli was already impacting her life more than Nozomi would like her to.

"I...will manage," Nozomi muttered, not too optimistic.

"Maybe a dessert will make you feel better?" Kotori suggested, already standing up. "I'll go buy some."

"Wait, there's no need -" But Kotori had already left their booth.

"Kotori's solution to everything is sweets," Honoka explained with a chuckle before her eyes widened. "Oh, I'm totally in for a cake right now. Kotori, wait for me!" And she stood up to hurry after her friend.

"Hey, wait, me too!" Rin chased after them, not without calling over her back, "Kayochin, you just sit there, I'll get you your favorite too!"

"Thank you!"

"Oi, what about mine!" Nico called out, and Rin waved her off. "Don't ignore me, you idiot!"

Nozomi didn't realize she was smiling until Hanayo said gently, "It's never boring with them, isn't it?"

"It's..." Nozomi lacked the words to express the warmth she felt spreading throughout her body. "It's nice."

"Only nice?" Nico joked, "I hope you're not-" She stopped mid-sentence and choked on her straw that she was still chewing on, pounding herself against the chest.

"I knew that would happen!" Hanayo called out worriedly, patting Nico on the back, but the latter one shrugged off her hands.

"Out," she coughed, touching the glass wall next to their booth that offered them an unrestricted view outside, which was part of a busy pedestrian area in Akibahara, surrounded by many little shops. She pointed with her finger against it. "...out..side..."

Both Hanayo and Nozomi turned their heads to gaze at where Nico was pointing at. Confused at seeing only the typical afternoon crowd in Akibahara, they gave Nico a questioning glance. There were too many people for them to notice something atypical right away, and it was Akiba, so who knew if it was even atypical.

Nico inhaled shakily, having finally overcome her coughing fit. She cleared her throat and almost pounded against the glass in urgency. "There! She's so tall, how can you miss her?"

And Nozomi knew who Nico meant before she even turned her head and spotted Sonoda Umi in the crowd, waiting outside a small store.

"She looks so out of place," Nico said what first came to Nozomi's mind.

Akiba was a colorful and diverse place with many unique characters walking up and down the streets, but Umi stood out in her own way without wearing shrilly clothes. Standing somewhat stiffly and looking lost, Umi alternated between rolling the sleeves of her black blazer up and down or dusting off her shoulder to keep herself busy.

"Akiba might be a bit dusty but it's not that dirty," Nico muttered when Umi patted down her shoulder for the third time since they had started observing her.

"Why is she here?" Nozomi asked, genuinely confused. Akihabara didn't seem like Umi's preferred choice of location to spend her free time at.

Nico and Hanayo shared a grim and worried look, respectively.

"You'll see soon enough," Nico just said, and Hanayo smiled sadly.

They turned their attention to watching Umi again. Though Nozomi had a sense of foreboding, she still didn't want it to be true until she could confirm it for herself. But every hope shattered when Umi suddenly moved, nodding to someone approaching her.

"Hell no, not Ishikii..." Nico muttered darkly, narrowing her eyes when she recognized the girl from their school.

Nozomi felt her heart sink. That was the same person who had tried to mock her on her first day in school if it hadn't been for Nico stopping her. Ishikii had a conventionally attractive face what with her alluring green eyes, button nose and high cheek bones, framed by blonde flowing hair.

"No expression at all," Nico mumbled, referring to Umi. "It actually looks like..."

"She is unhappy," Hanayo finished quietly.

They silently watched Umi greeting Ishikii with a slight nod, staying completely still as she was hugged by the other girl, not making any attempts to return it.

"I don't know who I pity more," Nico muttered, grimacing because she felt second-hand awkwardness from watching them. "It's like watching Ishikii trying to interact with a robot. I don't think I can look at this trainwreck any longer."

Despite agreeing, Nozomi couldn't take her eyes off the bizarre scene. She had seen Umi's expressionless face multiple times, had learned to differ between their subtle emotions, and she had gazed into those guarded but soft amber eyes more often than she could count. But this was the first time she had seen Umi look so empty. Before, her emotions were sealed, her face was a mask. But now, she simply looked -

"Exhausted..." Nozomi whispered out loud.

"Yeah, that happens when you have to hang out with Ishikii for longer than a minute," Nico replied. She rubbed her neck. "Damn, this is bad, we can't let Kotori see them. They better leave, like, right now."

As if on cue, they started moving, and Ishikii linked her arm with Umi's, who didn't acknowledge the action, resulting in Ishikii clinging onto her limp arm.

"It's somehow sad," Hanayo said quietly, watching them go. "They both deserve so much better."

"Hm," Nico hummed. "Maybe. It's not like they don't know what they've gotten themselves into."

"Kotori."

Confused at the incoherent interjection, Nico and Hanayo turned to Nozomi. "Hm?"

"You said something about Kotori," Nozomi clarified. "You said that we can't let Kotori see them."

"Oh. I did?" Nico furrowed her brows. "Damn it."

"What did you mean by it?"

Hanayo nervously looked to the side. "Nico..."

"I know, I know," Nico muttered. She sighed, facing Nozomi with a stern expression. "Look, it's really not my place to tell you, and I'm not going to go behind Kotori's back. If you want to find out, there are only two people you can ask. Kotori herself. And Sonoda." Nico leaned back in her seat. "And by the looks of it, I almost think that you'd be more successful with the latter one."

Nozomi tilted her head in confusion. What made Nico think that Umi would want to share a secret with her?

"There's been some rumors," Nico said, crossing her arms. "About you."

"Rumors?" Nozomi repeated in shock. Why would there be rumors about her, nothing of interest ever happened to her.

"Yeah." Nico gave Nozomi a scanning look. "You sure you want to hear them?"

If Nozomi was honest, then no, not really. But she still nodded, knowing she couldn't just ignore them now that she knew of their existence.

"Hm, how do I put this lightly," Nico muttered. She nudged Hanayo. "Help me out here."

"Eh? I don't-"

Upon seeing Nozomi's pleading look, Hanayo faltered and finally gave in. "They say you are trying to get closer to Umi so you can profit from her status, because you are an outsider right now and being close with her could change it."

"That's - that's not true!" Nozomi gasped, feeling her insides turning.

"It's okay, we know, that's why we didn't bother to tell you before because it's just a pointless rumor that is going to die down soon," Nico said calmly. "But for now, people are going to talk. And you can't stop them. Unless you give them a better scandal."

Nozomi buried her face in her hands. This wasn't what she wanted to be known for.

"See, this is why I told you to stay away from Sonoda," Nico muttered with a sigh. "Even if they are just stupid rumors, you can't underestimate the length bored rich girls will go just to keep themselves entertained. It's the only way they can get some sort of thrill without taking drugs."

"But," Nozomi muttered into her hands, "I don't understand..."

"There's nothing to understand, it's all a-"

"No, not that." Nozomi swallowed. "It's just...I don't understand their blind obsession with Umi. They seem to know that their interest will not be returned, and yet..."

Groaning so loudly that it startled Hanayo, Nico leaned back in her seat and rubbed her temples with two fingers. "Have you not learned anything from what I told you? You owe me at least two more juice boxes now."

"Nico," Hanayo mumbled, "there's no way she could know this."

"Oh yeah she does," Nico replied grimly. "She didn't get the scholarship by simply looking pretty."

Heat rose to Nozomi's cheeks, and she ducked her head. "I'm sorry. I could need a hint."

Nico sighed. "Alright. But only because your embarrassed face is super nice to look at."

"Nico!" Hanayo nudged her friend, frowning. "Stop teasing her."

"Alright, alright," Nico crossed her arms, frowning. "Where do we even begin with explaining the logic of a messed up system..."

Nozomi cleared her throat. "I think that Umi is -"

"Okay, stop," Nico interrupted. "First of all, don't ever call Sonoda by her first name again. That's off limits for you. Why? Easy. She's not your friend. Never will be." She closed her eyes. "People like her don't have friends. They have business partners. Accomplices. Dealers. Subordinates. Mistresses. But friends? That's just a fancy title you call someone in front of everyone else."

It comforted Nozomi somewhat to see Hanayo cringing at the statement too.

"Now, why is everyone obsessed with Sonoda? I'm kind of mad that I have to say this out loud." Nico's sharp eyes pierced Nozomi's. "You know where she stands status-wise. Now that alone would have been enough for some people to start chasing, but the real reason is far more messed up."

Nico lowered her voice. "Sonoda acts like a robot because that's the only way she can preserve her status without offending anyone. She knows that people want to use her, and she plays this game of keeping distance while still maintaining contact, just enough to not offend anyone powerful. And here comes the messed up part: People obsess over her because they know the game she's playing. And they want to win it."

Nozomi's eyes widened in realization.

"Why else would Ishikii put up with Sonoda's half-assed treatment? She's not dumb. She knows exactly what she can and cannot expect of Sonoda. But she also knows what Sonoda can and cannot do to refuse her. And she wants to win. After all, what greater triumph is there than in getting someone, who avoids close relationships at all costs, to commit to you?"

By now, an upset Hanayo was covering her mouth with her hand.

"But doesn't that mean..." Nozomi swallowed. "Doesn't that mean that the one who wins is also the one who breaks her?"

Nico's mouth curved up in an empty smile. "Isn't that just human nature to destroy things out of selfishness?"

Nozomi lowered her gaze. She didn't agree, but she didn't know how to argue against it either, knowing that it would take more than just a 'no' to be able to hold against Nico. She remained silent instead.

"Nico, that might have been too harsh," Hanayo hesitantly interjected. "We don't know their situation, so I don't think we should be too quick in judging them."

Nico scoffed, looking like she wanted to counter that argument, but their friends decided to return in this moment. The topic was dropped without another word.

"Here, Kayochin, your favorite cake!" Rin called out, placing a plate with a piece of cake on it in front of Hanayo, whose face lit up in happiness. "And here's yours, Nico."

"You actually bought it." Impressed, Nico nodded in satisfaction at receiving her dessert.

"Here, Nozomi," Honoka said brightly, placing strawberry cake in front of Nozomi. "Kotori said that you might like this one."

"Speaking of, where is she?" Nico asked with a spoon in her mouth.

"Eh?" Honoka and Rin looked around like they had been expecting to find Kotori sitting with them. "When we were waiting in line, she said she was going to the toilet, so we offered to buy hers too. But the line was super long, so we thought she would be back before us."

"Hah?" Nico's spoon slipped out of her open mouth. "She hasn't been back since she's left with you guys."

"Oh no," Hanayo suddenly whispered. "She must have seen her."

"Who?" Rin and Honoka questioned in unison, but Nico and Nozomi understood immediately, even if the latter one didn't know the whole story.

"Shit," Nico cursed under her breath, standing up. "Rin, Honoka, check the toilets and try calling her on her phone. Hanayo and I are looking outside. Nozomi, stay here in case she comes back, and watch our stuff."

Without questioning her orders, everyone followed the instructions and split up. Only Nozomi remained sitting in their booth, worriedly gazing outside.

Kotori hadn't abruptly left the booth to buy dessert for her. If Nozomi pieced the little bit of new information she had gained from Nico, then Kotori had fled because she had seen Umi.

Nozomi's eyes landed on the strawberry cake. How did Kotori know that this was one of her favorites? How come that Nozomi knew so little about her in return?

As Nozomi sat and waited in the booth for one of her friends to come back, she realized that she knew next to nothing about them. Nothing about their secrets, nothing about their dreams and fears, nothing about what drove them forward.

If Nozomi knew what made them the person they were today, she might be able to figure out who she was herself, and stop wondering what it was that got her accepted into Otonokizaka. Because right now, she still couldn't shake off the feeling of having entered a world beyond her understanding.


	4. Paper Heart

 

"It's no use, she's not picking up," Honoka said after dialing Kotori multiple times with no success.

Running her hands through her hair, Rin blew up her cheeks. "Where could she be?"

Nozomi worriedly gazed outside the window, hoping that Nico and Hanayo had more luck at finding Kotori, who had disappeared ten minutes ago. "Did this happen before?"

Honoka and Rin shared a quick look, silently asking each other how much they could share without betraying their friend.

"No," Honoka answered with hesitance lingering in her voice.

"But," Rin added quietly, pausing to look to Honoka for approval, but seeing the other girl's stricken face made her throat dry, unable to produce a sound.

"No, don't tell me," Nozomi said quickly, shaking her head. "It's not your place to tell and it's not my place to ask."

Stunned, Honoka and Rin closed their mouth, staring at Nozomi with wide eyes. No one had ever stopped them from spilling a secret before, usually eagerly hanging on their lips to find out something new, something scandalous, something big to use against the person whose secret was about to be revealed.

"But, don't you want to know so you can help?" Rin asked.

"I do want to help," Nozomi said, looking down on her lap. "But not like this. I can only help her if she wants me to help, and that only happens when she trusts me. She needs to tell me herself."

Feeling her phone vibrate shortly in her blazer pocket, Nozomi quickly fished it out, thinking that Nico or Hanayo had an update on Kotori's whereabouts. But her phone almost slipped out of her hand when she read the sender of the text message.

"Have they found Kotori?" Honoka asked, leaning in to read the message on Nozomi's phone, but the other girl had already put it back into her pockets.

"Sorry," Nozomi offered an apologetic smile, standing up. "That was just my mother, asking me about something. Excuse me, but I need to call her now."

"Oh, okay. We'll stay here."

Nozomi hurried out of the cafe, looking left and right before she walked around the building into a narrow alley, where the staff-only backdoor of the cafe was.

"Kotori!" Nozomi breathed out in relief at seeing the second year. But her relieved expression morphed into a sad one once she saw the look on Kotori's face.

"Sorry for calling you out here like this," Kotori whispered, hugging her elbows. She chuckled emptily. "I'm just causing trouble for everyone, aren't I?"

"No, that's not true," Nozomi vehemently shook her head, stretching out a hand after Kotori's shoulder before she pulled it back in the last moment. "Can I – can I hug you?"

Surprised, Kotori blinked rapidly, and a tear leaked from her left eye. "Eh?"

"Ah, I..." Embarrassed, Nozomi looked to the side. "It's what my mother always did when I felt sad."

Kotori's chuckle caused Nozomi's head to abruptly turn her way again. "You have a very kind mother." Using her palm to wipe away the single tear, Kotori offered Nozomi a shaky smile. "Of course you can."

Nozomi spread her arms, and Kotori allowed herself to fall against Nozomi, clinging onto the older girl's shoulder as she felt protective arms enveloping her.

"I'm sorry." Nozomi's shoulder muffled Kotori's meek and trembling voice. "I only worried everyone. It's all I ever do, being a burden to everyone. I'm really sorry."

Feeling her heart twisting painfully, Nozomi hugged Kotori closer to her. "Don't."

Kotori's fingers dug into Nozomi's blazer. "Don't what?"

"Don't say that about yourself. It's not true." Nozomi closed her eyes. "It sounds like you are apologizing for your existence, but your existence is not of inconvenience to us. Don't use yourself as a weapon against you."

Nozomi could feel Kotori's head shifting against her shoulder.

"Nozomi..." A throaty chuckle escaped Kotori's mouth. "You really get along with Umi, don't you?"

Nozomi froze. "What – what do you mean?"

Stepping out of the embrace, Kotori took a step back to be able to look at Nozomi's face. She smiled wistfully. "That sounded a lot like something Umi would say."

Speechless, Nozomi realized that she had subconsciously reused Umi's words spoken to her in the student council room. Without knowing why she felt sudden panic at the idea of their relationship being misinterpreted like by the rest of the student body, Nozomi said quickly, "It's not like that-"

"I know," Kotori interjected gently. "And even if it is, there is no reason for you to justify yourself in front of me."

"But..." Nozomi swallowed. She didn't know enough to be arguing. What was she supposed to be arguing about? That Kotori should care if Nozomi had an interest in Umi? Where was that supposed to lead them?

"Don't worry about it." Kotori's smile made Nozomi's stomach turn because it looked so genuine but Nozomi knew it couldn't be real. "Umi is a great person."

Then why did Kotori have to flee upon seeing her? Why did she have to put so much effort into making her smile seem real in front of Nozomi?

Nozomi clenched her fists. "Is she really?"

"Eh?"

Torn, Nozomi faced away from Kotori. "I also thought that she is a good person. But now I wonder." Taking a deep breath, Nozomi turned to Kotori again with a sad look. "What good person can hurt you so badly that the mere sight of them causes you to run?"

Lower lip trembling, Kotori's teeth clashed several times when she tried to answer but no words came out.

Nozomi felt her heart pounding wildly, her brain urgently telling her to apologize for going too far.

What did she even know as an outsider in Otonokizaka? Did she have any right to meddle?

"I don't know anything about Umi or you or your past together," Nozomi said quietly, forcing herself to go through with this now that she had started it. "But no matter what happened, you don't deserve this. So please don't blame yourself."

"Nozomi," Kotori whispered before she let out a weak giggle. "You really are something else."

Confused, Nozomi watched Kotori fanning herself some air, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths before she straightened her expression into a relaxed one. Within seconds, the Minami Kotori who was known for her kind smile was back.

And it unsettled Nozomi more than anything.

"You truly are very kind," Kotori said gently. "That's probably why my fingers decided to send that message to you." She brushed dust off her shoulders. "Come on, let's go back. I've worried our friends long enough."

As Kotori passed her, Nozomi didn't move to follow her.

Noticing that Nozomi hadn't budged, Kotori came to stop, asking over her shoulder, "Nozomi?"

"I'm sorry."

"Hm?" Kotori turned back around. "For what?"

Nozomi didn't look up. "For not being able to help you."

"You've already helped me plenty-"

"But not the way you hoped me to," Nozomi said quietly. "If a hug and someone to placate you was all you needed, you wouldn't have brought me out here."

When Kotori didn't reply, Nozomi realized that she might have gone too far. Cursing herself, Nozomi forced herself to do the same thing Kotori had done seconds prior. Putting up a smiling mask. "I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying. Let's go back."

This time, Kotori was the one who didn't move as Nozomi walked past her.

"You're right."

It was only a faint whisper, weak enough to get lost in a gust of wind, but it reached Nozomi's sensitive ears nonetheless. She stood still.

"I've told you before that there is something about you that makes me want to tell you all my secrets," Kotori said quietly. "But back then, I haven't considered the fact that you might not want to hear them."

"I do!" Nozomi turned around. "I want to help. And if it's by keeping your secrets, then please, let me help."

"Ah, I might have phrased it wrongly." The half-smile was back on Kotori's face. "I know you want to help. But you know, Nozomi, secrets come with prices. Nico surely must have already told you something about that. But I don't mean the same thing when I say that there is a price in keeping secrets." Kotori linked her hands behind her back. "When you comforted me, I realized that holding my secrets is something I can't let you do because I'm afraid it might taint the same thing that made you want to help me in the first place."

The more Kotori said, the less Nozomi understood, and the older girl slowly shook her head in confusion. "No, just let me help..."

"Thank you, Nozomi," Kotori smiled warmly. "But it would be selfish of me to dim that light of yours that naturally draws people closer." She started walking again. "Now, let's head back. We have a dessert to finish."

It was only when Nozomi tried to reach out after Kotori that she realized her hands were shaking.

"Light, huh," Nozomi whispered, staring at her hands, watching them curl into fists. "What a joke..."

* * *

"Hm, Umi? Is something the matter?"

Umi blinked once and slowly looked up. "I'm fine, thank you."

"Were you listening?"

"Of course." After pausing for a second to think, Umi continued, "You were talking about your father's company's anniversary party."

"I did," Ishikii nodded. "And?"

There was no deliberation time needed to come to the next conclusion. "If I am not otherwise preoccupied, I see no reason not to accept your invitation."

"Wonderful," Ishikii said in delight, clapping her hands together. "My father would love to meet you."

"Likewise," Umi responded automatically, her hands on her lap curling into fists.

"Say, Umi," Ishikii put her elbows on the table and tilted her head, "what's your favorite color?"

Giving herself some time to think, Umi reached for her drink and sipped from it. She was just being asked about her favorite color; such a mundane question shouldn't need a carefully planned answer. But she still decided to play it safe. "May I ask what prompted this question? It's rather unexpected."

Ishikii grinned. "This might help me choosing a dress for that event."

"I see." Umi went quiet to deliberate her answer. Should she inquire about Ishikii's favorite color first so she could say that hers was the same? Should she randomly pick a color and give a pretentious explanation for the meaning behind the color?

But before her mind could calculate the best answer, she suddenly found herself saying, "Green."

"Green?"

"Not too pale and not too overbearingly strong," Umi finished.

"Hm?" Ishikii tilted her head, intrigued. "I thought you would be more of the 'blue' type. Why green?"

Focusing her gaze on her drink, Umi watched the ice cubes floating in the liquid. "To me, it's a warm color."

"Really?"

Umi's grip on her glass tightened when Ishikii burst out in laughter.

"Aren't warm colors supposed to be red or yellow," Ishikii snorted. "Well, if you think so." She pointed to herself. "Say, Umi, what's my favorite color?"

Umi's expression stayed neutral. "I'm afraid I don't know where to begin without a hint."

"Hm, true, it is quite a tricky question," Ishikii said with a nod to herself. "My favorite color has always been red. But lately, I've been preferring dark blue." She smirked. "I wonder why?"

"Preferences can change," Umi supplied without looking at her, reaching for her drink again.

"Very true," Ishikii nodded again, propping her chin on her hands. "Maybe one day, your favorite color will change too."

Umi didn't look up. "Unlikely."

"And why is that?"

Setting her glass down on the table with a thud that sounded final, Umi closed her eyes. "Because it's been my favorite color since elementary school."

* * *

Realizing that she was going to be late, Nozomi considered not going to the student council room at all for one second. What was the worst thing that could happen? Eli ignoring her even more than before? As this was hardly possible, Nozomi thought to herself that she might as well take her time now and not stress herself too much.

As she walked down the many broad corridors of Otonokizaka, she mentally braced herself for another afternoon with the student council president. So far, it hadn't gone as badly as Nozomi had expected. Snide remarks were kept to a minimum as Eli was more busy not acknowledging her presence.

"What do you mean you don't have any?"

"It means what it fucking means."

Nozomi's feet froze to the ground, stopping right before she turned around a corner.

"No, you owe me, after all the things I told you-"

"Too bad. I'm all out. Besides, I already knew half of the things and the other half was useless crap."

"Screw you, Nishikino."

"Is that an offer?"

"Urgh!"

Nozomi held her breath when she heard footsteps nearing her and she quickly stumbled backwards to retreat into a nearby empty classroom. Once she was sure that the other person had walked past her, she walked back to the corner again, and carefully peeked around it.

With her back against the wall, Maki slid down until she landed on the floor with a groan. She fumbled with her tie until she could tear it off, then ripped the collar of her shirt wide open and furiously scratched her throat.

Nozomi felt her heartbeat increasing. What was she witnessing?

"Oi, can you not do that creepy shit," Maki called out tiredly, letting the back of her head hit against the wall. "If you've got something to say, then say it, Tojo."

Briefly considering to run away, Nozomi's feet had already started walking towards Maki. "How?"

"Footsteps," Maki muttered, closing her eyes. She undid another button of her shirt. "Also, this freaky feeling that only your stare can cause."

Becoming weirdly conscious of her gaze, Nozomi averted her eyes as she stood before Maki, who was still sitting on the ground with her back leaning against the wall. "Are you okay?"

Maki snorted, looking up. "Do I look okay?" Cursing beneath her breath, she began scratching her throat again. "This damn itch won't go away..."

"It'll only get worse if you do that."

"Wow, thank you, doctor, I didn't know that," Maki said with mock surprise. "You're right, I should just bind my hands and suffer quietly. Just what you would like to see, eh?"

"I wouldn't want that," Nozomi replied quietly.

"Pff." Maki tilted up her head to scratch herself beneath the chin. "No need for false sympa-"

She stopped when Nozomi grabbed her wrist and stopped her from scratching herself. "Tojo...if you don't let go in three seconds..."

"No," Nozomi whispered, trying to bravely meet Maki's murderous gaze. "You might bleed if you continue."

"So what?" Maki growled, twisting her hand out of Nozomi's grasp. "Don't you touch me ever again, Tojo. Now get lost."

"Have you tried cooling your skin off with cold water?"

"Hah?" Maki slowly pushed herself off the ground, using the wall to support herself until she towered above Nozomi. "What is it with you and meddling?"

Nozomi wondered the same. Why couldn't she just walk past Maki? She was already late to her student council duties. Why would she care about someone who could barely tolerate her?

"You helped me once," Nozomi said, holding up her right wrist that was completely healed.

Maki's narrowed eyes darted to it before focusing on Nozomi's face again. "I didn't do it for you."

"Maybe," Nozomi replied. "But in the end, it's still me you helped."

"So what is this? Some good deed to pay back a debt?" Maki furrowed her brows. "I just can't make sense of you, Tojo. Anyone else, and they would have learned the message by now, but you – you keep crossing my way. Am I losing my touch? Is that it?"

But as Nozomi watched Maki using the wall to support herself to stand upright, she knew that it was a completely different reason why she didn't feel as afraid of her anymore. It was the simple realization that under all the pretenses and charades, Maki was still a vulnerable teenager, and not a cynical old business tycoon.

"Where is the infirmary?" Nozomi asked.

Maki took a step back. "Right around the corner next to a door labeled 'mind your own damn business'."

As Maki reached for her throat to scratch it again, she suddenly felt her fingernails grazing against something that was not her irritated skin.

"What are you doing, Tojo," Maki growled lowly.

"I'm not sure," Nozomi admitted, having acted before she could comprehend the situation herself.

Both of her hands were wrapped around Maki's throat to stop her from scratching herself.

"I'm giving you three seconds to let go," Maki hissed. "Don't think I care about what happens to your hands."

Nozomi swallowed nervously, but she didn't retract her hands. Instead, she mustered up the courage to gaze straight into Maki's eyes. "Do it if it makes you feel better."

"You..." Maki gritted her teeth, her eyes becoming wild. "Let me the fuck go if you know what's good for you."

Wanting to laugh emptily, Nozomi refrained from replying that she obviously never knew what was good for her or she wouldn't be tripping from one miserable situation into another.

"Fuck, I hate people like you," Maki suddenly shouted, and Nozomi flinched, but didn't let go. "You all think I need saving, and you all want to be the one who does it, but you know what? I'm not broken. I'm not a special case that needs to be solved. Stop looking at me like I need to be fixed."

And Nozomi's hands glided down Maki's throat, coming to a stop on her shoulders. "Then what is it that you need?"

Breathing heavily, Maki stared at Nozomi, her gaze sweeping over the other girl's face. "Why do you care?"

"Because," Nozomi began quietly, looking at the scratch marks on Maki's throat, "you haven't pushed me away yet."

And Maki instantly backed away until Nozomi's hands were off her shoulders.

Nozomi smiled sadly. "Nico told me that you have trouble being honest to yourself."

"Yazawa did?" Maki let out a humorless laugh. "Did she also tell you that she hates liars who ignore truth for convenience?"

Looking uncertain about why Maki would know that, Nozomi defensively crossed her arms and slowly nodded.

"Well, Tojo," Maki said, looking amused, which bewildered Nozomi, "do you also know what liars do so they don't get discovered?"

Nozomi felt uneasy at hearing the smug tone in Maki's voice. "No."

Smirking, Maki closed in on Nozomi and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "They call everyone else around them liars to discredit them should they ever try to tell the truth. Yazawa made you think that I'm a liar so you don't believe me whenever I let a nice fact about her slip."

Backing away from Nozomi again, Maki fixed her crumpled collar. "So when Yazawa told you about how much she hates manipulative liars...Are you sure she wasn't talking about herself?"

Nozomi clenched her fists. "Nico wouldn't-"

"But do you know for sure?" Maki raised an eyebrow. "Has she ever told you anything about her past? Do you know anything about her besides her ridiculous dream to become an idol?"

Staring at the ground, Nozomi found herself unable to reply.

"I thought so."

Maki picked up her blue tie and hung it around her neck instead of tying it. "Face it, Tojo. Yazawa is every bit as manipulative as she claims me to be. I'm sure she's told you a lot about how Otonokizaka works, and you probably soaked it all up without questioning how much of what she said was her own interpretation." Maki buried her hands in her trouser pockets and started walking off, pausing shortly when she passed Nozomi. "I mean, honestly – what do you really know about your so-called friends?"

* * *

"You are late."

"I am sorry. I was held up."

Keeping her gaze down, Nozomi took the seat at the end of the table, farthest away from Eli, and began taking out her homework.

"Held up?" Eli glanced up shortly from her papers before continuing to fill them out. "By what?"

"By..." How much did Nozomi want to tell her? If she told the truth, would Eli be able to help Maki? "By Nishikino."

"Tch. What did she want?"

Why did Eli want to know? Would it make a difference if she knew?

"Nothing." Nozomi held her elbows, still shaken from all the things Maki had told her about Nico. Could she believe her? "But she did act a little bit different."

Suddenly looking up, Eli stopped writing and placed her pen aside. "Was she aggressive?"

No more than usual, Nozomi thought. Despite the short outburst and countless threats, Maki hadn't intimidated Nozomi as much as on their first day of meeting. Was it because Nozomi didn't feel like the anger was directed at her this time? "Not extraordinarily so."

Eli sighed. "But exhausted and weak? And constantly scratching her throat?"

Surprised that the blonde knew of the symptoms, Nozomi slowly nodded.

Cursing beneath her breath, Eli picked up her pen again, impatiently tapping it against the table. "Could she walk?"

"Y-yes. She...she seemed to be fine afterwards," Nozomi replied, remembering that towards the end of their encounter, Maki had almost returned to normal, leisurely walking off without the need to scratch her throat anymore.

"Hm." Eli seemed to struggle with herself over what to do next as she gripped her pen tightly. Suddenly slamming her pen down on the table and startling Nozomi in the process, she let out a frustrated groan and pulled out her phone, dialing a contact from her call history. The fingers of her unoccupied hand successively tapped against the table in an impatient rhythm. "Umi."

Nozomi held her breath despite being fully aware that she would not be able to understand a single word from the person on the other side of the line.

"It's about Maki. Yes. Yes. No."

Eli paused, looking at Nozomi with a blank expression. "Tojo did."

Did what, Nozomi desperately wanted to know. Maki's condition seemed to be familiar enough with her friends that they didn't even need to elaborate to understand each other.

"Good." Eli was about to hang up when Umi seemed to have said something that made her scowl. "Shut up. I think I heard your mistress calling you."

And she turned off her phone, carelessly throwing it on the table. She caught Nozomi's curious look. "What?"

"Nothing," Nozomi quickly said, averting her gaze. She cleared her throat. "Is Umi going to look after her?"

"What did you just say?" Eli slowly stood up, and Nozomi felt her heart stopping at seeing the other girl walking towards her. "Did you just call Umi by her first name?"

It was like being trapped against the lockers all over again, Nozomi realized, staring up Ayase Eli who towered over her. Nozomi only needed to stand up, to get up from her chair and she would feel less small, but her trembling knees wouldn't be able to support her.

Eli pushed Nozomi's homework aside and sat down on the table in front of Nozomi, who didn't know whether this was a better or worse situation than being trapped against the lockers.

"Tell me, Tojo, what makes you think you can call her by her first name, hm?" Eli's fingers fiddled with the edge of Nozomi's notebook.

Nozomi nervously watched her movements, hoping she wasn't going to crease the pages.

"It was just a slip of the tongue," she said in an attempt to diffuse the situation.

"Was it really now? Or was it more of a habit?" Eli flipped open her notebook, browsing through the pages of Nozomi's notes. "History class, huh. They say we should learn from history's mistakes, and we have millions of history books to teach us, but still – humanity as a whole hasn't evolved much, don't you agree?" Eli stopped at a page. "We are still as selfish and greedy as the humans thousand years ago. Except that we have more advanced weapons to kill each other now."

Nozomi didn't dare to breathe too loud, watching Eli's sleek pointer finger gliding through her notes.

" _'September 1945: General Douglas MacArthur took charge of the Supreme Command of Allied Powers and began the work of rebuilding Japan',_ " she read quietly. She flipped the notebook shut. "Interesting man, that general. Did you know that the Nishikino family almost lost all their fortune when he ordered the dissolution of the biggest conglomerates? Thankfully they hadn't been that obnoxiously rich back then or their wealth would have most definitely been taken from them. But they fell right under the radar with a bit help in form of bribing the right men."

Nozomi slowly looked up at Eli, wondering why she was being told something that certainly would cover all the news if gotten in the wrong hands.

Eli's expression remained unreadable like a neutral mask. "I know that because my great grandfather was one of those men."

Eyes widening, Nozomi's gaze flitted to her notebook on the table. Why was Eli telling her this? Where was the point in it? Was she being dared to speak up against Eli, provoked to show indignation?

"Only the Sonodas were considered eye to eye with the Allies. The West actually listened to them when they had suggestions on how to rebuild Japan." Eli's fingers tapped against the table again. "That bit is the only piece of information you can find in official sources too."

Nozomi gnawed on her bottom lip, unsure on how to take it.

"Now I'm not telling you all this because I want you to have a more accurate history lesson." Eli's eyes bore themselves into Nozomi's. "I just wanted to remind you that we come from an absolutely different world. A world you can't even begin to grasp because it's changing at will and only spins if you have the money and power to make it spin."

Nozomi didn't realize she had been holding her breath until she felt her chest pounding uncomfortably at the lack of air.

Eli crossed her legs. "And in our world, you don't call a Sonoda by their first name unless you are a close friend or their significant other. And seeing that you are neither one of those, I don't think you are doing yourself a favor by referring to Umi like she is a well acquainted friend of yours."

It all sounded so very familiar to Nozomi, who had already listened to two different versions of that statement before, one from Nico and one from Maki.

"I understand," she muttered.

"We'll see," Eli replied curtly, pushing herself off the table. "Otonokizaka will handle the rest."

Nozomi's shoulders instantly tensed.

"There's another matter I want to address. Since our current arrangement seems to last longer than we both would like to, I think it's time to set some rules," Eli said, going back to her seat. "First, don't talk to me when I'm busy. Second, when you do talk to me, you're going to look me in the eyes. And third," Eli paused, leaning back in her seat. "Try not to cry too much in my presence. That's bad for my reputation. And yours probably too, but I don't think there's much you can lose. No offense."

Nozomi nodded weakly. By now, there was little Eli could still say to hurt her.

"And fourth rule," Eli added, "you will quit the moment the one month is over. Understood?"

Nozomi would only be happy to. "Understood."

* * *

"What's wrong, Nozomi? You've been really quiet lately. Well, quieter than usual."

Shaking her head, Nozomi mustered up a smile for Nico. "Just thinking."

"About what?" Nico asked with a suspicious frown.

About how much of all the things you ever said to me was true, Nozomi innerly replied. "Nothing important."

"Well, it obviously is if you zone out on me," Nico muttered. "How about I'll share a fry with you if you share a thought with me." And Nico shoved her tray with fries spread all over to Nozomi's side.

Snorting in amusement, Nozomi declined the offer with a hand gesture. "No thank you, I'm not hungry."

"Not hungry?" Nico repeated in disbelief. "Okay, what's wrong, tell me. I'm all ears."

Nozomi stared at the drink in her hands. "Actually..." She looked up with a smile. "It's really nothing after all. I guess I'm just tired from my afternoons in the student council room."

"Oh." Nico nodded. "I guess working with Ayase would kill the spirit of anyone. Hang in there."

Nozomi lowered her gaze. "Yeah."

* * *

She wanted answers, she needed them now. Staying in the dark drove her crazy, not knowing where she was heading, not seeing where danger was awaiting her. Attending Otonokizaka had become a never-ending game of wandering in the pitch-black void and hoping not to step on a landmine.

She couldn't go on like this. There was too much she didn't know and too much she still didn't understand.

She still didn't know why Kotori only lost her kind smile when Umi was mentioned. She still didn't know why Nico only scowled that deeply when Maki was involved. She didn't know why neither Honoka, Rin or Hanayo seemed to do anything about it, just accepting things as they were. But things weren't fine as they were, nothing about Otonokizaka was normal, and Nozomi grew more aware of it every day.

The teachers here were blind and deaf to certain students' actions while especially sensitive to others. Eli could walk out in the middle of the class without raising a look from the teacher while Nico would be scolded for chewing on the end of her pen.

No teacher would call up Eli if she didn't raise her hand, but they would pick up Nico if they noticed she wasn't paying attention.

What unsettled Nozomi more than the unequal treatment was the acceptance of it. No one batted an eyelash if Eli decided to leave class early, no one bothered to raise their hand if Eli had already raised hers, knowing that she would be picked up first. The lines of authority were blurred in the classroom, Nozomi wasn't sure anymore if it was the teacher's or Eli's presence that assured a quiet class with obedient students.

Nozomi wondered just how far Eli's influence ran in Otonokizaka.

* * *

Nozomi felt their presence long before they made themselves known. Knowing exactly what awaited her, Nozomi was more surprised by her own lack of fear, feeling strangely numb inside her chest as she calmly finished washing her hands.

"You can't ignore us."

Turning off the faucet, Nozomi splashed with her wet fingers against the sink and looked up in the mirror, seeing them standing behind her. "How can I help you?" Her voice was mild and quiet, but not trembling in fear.

"Actually, the question should be more about how  _we_ can help you, Tojo."

Nozomi stilled in her movements, suspiciously gazing at the girls behind her through the mirror. Their grim expressions didn't give her the impression that they had cornered her in the bathroom with good intentions.

"No need to look like that, we don't bother to get our hands dirty."

Two of them were wearing a red tie, the other three a green one. Despite being in the same grade, Nozomi didn't recognize the latter three, concluding that they had to be from a different class.

"You're the new vice president under Ayase, aren't you?"

Nozomi slowly nodded.

"Well, then we already have something in common, Tojo."

Eyes widening, Nozomi gripped the sink for support, and everything became clear to her in an instant. In Eli's two years of being the student council president, Nozomi had just become the sixth vice president. Aside from the three who had resigned, two more had been removed from office by Eli.

"Even if you're new to this, you probably already know how it feels like to work under Ayase. How degrading it is to be in her presence where you might as well be invisible. So we thought we should teach her a lesson. And this is where you might come in handy."

Tensing, Nozomi carefully said, "I'm afraid there's not much I can do."

"Come on, Tojo. Don't you want to kick her down a notch or two as well? Make her feel a second of the humiliation she put you through? You know she deserves it."

Her grip on the sink tightened as memories of her past encounters with Eli flooded her mind, replaying scenes she would rather forget. Scenes in which her tears had made an appearance, scenes in which she had felt trapped like a helpless animal against a large beast who seemed to kill for fun.

"Is it illegal," Nozomi whispered, eyelids fluttering.

"Not at all and that's the best part." They smirked. "You would be actually doing the right thing."

Staying silent, Nozomi just gazed at them in confusion, wondering how that was even possible.

"There's only one little thing you have to do." And one of the second years pulled out a small pill bottle out of her blazer, holding it up with two fingers. "Find the bottle in Ayase's bag that looks just like this and replace it with this one."

The pill bottle was shoved against Nozomi's chest and she quickly caught it before it could drop to the ground. Her hands were shaking as she held it tightly against her chest, looking up in shock. "Are these-"

"No. The content has been replaced. All you need to know about these is that they are completely harmless. But still effective in their own way."

"What do you mean?" Nozomi breathed, staring at the small bottle in her hands.

"If your brain got you a scholarship, then I'm sure you can figure this one out too."

Realizing that her perception of illegal was on a completely different level than that of her fellow students, Nozomi jerkily shook her head. "I can't do this."

"Well, we figured that you might need an incentive," one of the third years pulled out her phone. "Say, Tojo, how much do you value a peaceful school life?"

* * *

"Are you listening, Nozomi?"

Startled, Nozomi looked up and quickly nodded, her unfocused gaze trying to make sense of her surrounding. Looking akin to the inside of a five star restaurant, the canteen of Otonokizaka could easily compete with the nation's best dining halls.

"You know, you seem to get lost in thoughts quite often lately," Nico said in suspicion.

"Is everything okay?" Kotori asked softly. "You haven't touched your food at all."

"It's really good today," Honoka said with her mouth full, nodding encouragingly to the food.

Nozomi stared down at her untouched plate. Argentinian round steak would be appealing to her on any other day, but right now alone the thought of eating anything made her stomach feel queasy. "I'm not hungry."

"Can I have it then?" Rin asked as she eagerly cut into her own steak.

"Rin!" Hanayo whispered, worried about her friend being tactless.

Nozomi pushed her plate over to Rin. "Sure."

"Eh? Really?" Lowering her fork and knife to pause, Rin seemed to be genuinely surprised by the offer.

"Yes. Just make sure to share some with Hanayo too," Nozomi added with a smile, and Hanayo blushed.

"You're not on some crazy diet, are you?" Nico asked with a frown. "'Cause not eating anything is a shit solution. I thought you would be smarter than that."

"I'm not on a diet, I just drank too much water this morning." Nozomi got up from her seat. "I think I'll go to the bathroom."

As she walked out of the school restaurant, she could feel Nico's gaze following her. Biting the insides of her cheeks, Nozomi forced herself not to look back, because she knew the moment she gave in, Nico would read her eyes like an open book and get every last secret out of her.

But this was something Nico couldn't help her with, and Nozomi didn't want her to get involved either.

And somewhere in a tiny, irrational part of her mind, Nozomi finally felt like they were on equal terms. Because now she had secrets too that Nico didn't know of.

* * *

She couldn't do this. Alone the thought of it made her nauseous. Feeling like her stomach content was about to see the light of day any second, Nozomi tried to regulate her heavy breathing, and she splashed cold water against her face.

As much as Ayase Eli had intimidated and mocked her, she didn't deserve anything happening to her that could damage her health. Nozomi wasn't capable of staying indifferent or cold.

Reaching inside her blazer pocket with a shaking hand, she pulled out the pill bottle she was supposed to switch with the original one. And a cold shudder ran down her spine because it meant that Eli was using the original content. Nozomi wished she knew what she was dealing with, but the medical terms on the label might as well have been written in hieroglyphs. But not all of it was unreadable.

Tiny characters in the corner of the bottle label caught her eyes, and she suppressed a gasp, brushing her finger over it to make sure it wasn't an illusion. But the words remained, ingraining themselves into Nozomi's mind.

_Nishikino Pharmaceutical_

Nozomi stared at the tiny words, printed so small in comparison to the medical terms and formulas that it would have been easily overlooked.

So if she went to Maki and asked her about it, would she get answers? If she showed Maki the pills, would she know what they were?

"Nozomi."

Almost dropping the bottle, Nozomi quickly shoved it into her pocket again, and turned around to the intruder.

"Nico..."

But Nico's eyes were fixated on her blazer pocket. "Give it to me."

"No, it's not what you think," Nozomi stumbled a step back, but Nico was in front of her within an eye blink, hands in her pockets before she knew it.

Holding up the bottle against the yellow bathroom lights, Nico stared at it, a dark scowl twisting her facial features. "That bastard..."

Turning on her heels, Nico stormed out of the bathroom, and Nozomi ran after her, desperately shouting, "Wait, Nico! Where are you going?"

"I'm going to kill her," Nico growled without looking back, furiously marching down the corridors without dodging other students, who were knocked to the side by her hard shoulders.

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb, it really doesn't fit you. I knew you've been behaving weirdly the past few days, but to think that this was the reason..."

"What? No! Nico, it's not like that," Nozomi panted, trying to keep up with Nico's pace.

"Is what they all say," Nico hissed, "I've heard it all before. And I'm tired of ever hearing it again."

"Wait, Nico..."

Unlike Nico, Nozomi was careful not to bump into anyone. But dodging people made her slower, and she found herself unable to stop Nico before she could arrive at a familiar door, kicking it open with force.

"Nishikino, you damn-" Nico's words ended in gasp, and once Nozomi caught up with her, she understood why.

Maki was lying motionlessly on the ground.

"Wake up, Nishikino!" Nico shouted, falling to her knees next to Maki's head, slapping her cheeks.

Nozomi's mouth dropped open in an attempt to shout for help but her throat was too dry to produce a sound.

"Wake up, Ma-" A hand clamped Nico's mouth shut.

"Oi." Maki's eyelids fluttered open. She stared up at Nico with furrowed brows. "Can't a girl just chill on the floor without being mistaken as dead?"

Nozomi felt even more speechless at the anticlimactic turn of events.

Pushing Maki's hand away from her mouth, Nico immediately jumped back to her feet, tempted to step on the smug grin on Maki's face.

Propping herself up on her elbows, Maki gazed up at Nico with a smirk. "You were worried about me."

"Like hell I was," Nico growled, turning her back to her. "Just thought that I lost the chance to kill you myself."

"Oh, you wound me," Maki chuckled, sitting up and rubbing the back of her head. "So to what I owe the pleasure of your graceful appearance that will cost me another door? Oh, Tojo, haven't seen you there."

Unsure how to react, Nozomi looked away, having not forgotten their previous encounter.

"Eyes over here, Nishikino," Nico said lowly, raising her hand that was tightly grasping onto the pill bottle she had taken from Nozomi.

"Hah?"

Without further explanation, Nico flung the pill bottle at Maki's head with all her might, but the latter one managed to shield her face in time. The bottle hit her arm before dropping into her lap. Slowly lowering her arms, Maki stared at the bottle on her lap, then at Nico. "What the hell!"

"I don't care if you spread that shit among your pathetic group of addicts, but keep it the hell away from my friends," Nico shouted, pointing to the pill bottle.

"What?" Maki picked up the bottle and stood up. She unscrewed the bottle and took out a translucent pill, holding it up against the light as she rolled it between her fingers, scrutinizing it with a close gaze. "Well, wherever you got it from, it wasn't me."

"The hell it isn't," Nico hissed. "It's got the Nishikino Pharmaceutical label on it."

"True," Maki said calmly with a shrug. She dropped the pill back into the bottle, screwing the cap back on. "But it still wasn't me. I haven't given out any new ones for two weeks now." Tilting her head, Maki gazed at Nozomi with an intrigued look. "Which makes me very interested in knowing where Tojo got it from."

Nozomi avoided her gaze.

"Stop acting," Nico took calculating steps towards Maki. "I'm sick of seeing you play any role but yourself."

"Oh, really?" Maki began laughing, sounding amused. She threw the bottle up in the air and leisurely caught it again, before tossing it to Nozomi who managed to catch it with both hands albeit clumsily. "Tojo, why don't you put your friend back in her lane?"

Nozomi didn't look Nico in the eyes when she said in a meek voice, "I didn't get it from her. That's what I've been trying to tell you."

Stunned speechless, Nico stumbled a step backwards. "But, who else would-"

"That I would like to know too," Maki interrupted. "Care to enlighten me about where you got these placebo pills from? Because whoever gave it to you has switched the pills inside. They're absolutely ineffective."

"Placebo?" Nozomi stared at the bottle in her hands, realizing now why she had been told that the content would be harmless. "I..."

"Nozomi," Nico said quietly, not facing her. "What are you not telling me?"

Biting her lower lip, Nozomi desperately thought of a way not to answer this question. "Nothi-"

"Oi, have your dramatic talk somewhere else," Maki cut in impatiently. "Tojo, who gave you that?"

"You shut up for a moment there," Nico said, gritting her teeth.

"How about you shut up for a change," Maki countered, taking one step closer. "You keep running your mouth about me being fake, but I don't think I've ever seen someone spill more bullshit than you do."

Getting more nervous with every second, Nozomi stared between them, wanting to stop them but unsure how to.

"Nozomi, let's go," Nico growled, turning around and heading towards the door. "Nozomi?"

But Nozomi didn't move. She turned her head to Maki. "There is something I want to ask her."

"Hah? Nishikino?"

Taken by surprise as well, Maki raised an eyebrow.

"It's pointless, she won't tell the truth," Nico said, crossing her arms. "You can't trust her."

"There she goes again." Maki shook her head. "Remember what I told you, Tojo? Think about it. I literally just told you the truth about those pills, and you know it. But Yazawa still keeps insisting that I'm making shit up. Tell me, who is it that you really can't trust?"

She didn't know, she just didn't know. Feeling her head beginning to ache, Nozomi found herself walking backwards away from Maki, away from Nico, away from the confusion.

"Nozomi, you can't be really considering to trust her more than me," Nico said in disbelief. "I'm your friend!"

"She's manipulating you, don't you see?" Maki cut in. "She's using your friendship to guilt-trip you. She's using her status as a friend to get more credit. Tojo, when are you going to realize that real friends don't make you pick sides?"

"Hah?" Nico growled. "You think you can deceive your way out of this like you always do?"

"Stop!"

A high-pitched yell silenced them, and they turned to the source of the noise with wide eyes.

Nozomi swallowed, gazing at both of them with a begging look. "If you really want to prove that you are being honest to me...then tell me what happened in your past that made you act like this. If you can't tell me why you two behave the way you do, then I can't trust both of you."

Nico's eyelids fluttered. "Nozomi..."

"I'm sorry, Nico..." Nozomi took a deep breath. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I wish I was happy with what little information about you that you've given me. But I'm always reminded that it's not enough when you lose your smile because her name is mentioned."

At the word 'her', Nozomi's gaze had wandered over to Maki, who was staring at the back of Nico's head with an unreadable expression.

"You too," Nozomi suddenly said, meeting Maki's confused gaze. "Nico has told me a lot about you. But I still don't know anything about you because, as you have rightfully pointed out, her information is biased. I don't think you deserve the descriptions that I've gotten to hear about you."

Nico and Maki looked in opposite directions, remaining silent.

"I know I'm in no position to make demands and I know it has nothing to do with me," Nozomi said quietly. "And that's okay. I just thought that maybe talking about it will help you two."

"Talking never fixes anything," Maki muttered.

"You're right, it doesn't," Nozomi whispered. "Talking alone isn't enough. Once you've told each other about your thoughts, it's up to you whether to accept those thoughts and seek understanding. But if you refuse to work with each other...then talking becomes useless."

Scoffing, Maki crossed her arms. "Hearing you talk like an old wise grandma is really pissing me off." She headed for the door, and as she walked past Nozomi, her steps slowed down for a second, allowing for quickly whispered sentence only meant for Nozomi's ears.

"Secret for a secret – meet me here tomorrow, same time."

Without waiting for an answer or even a confirmation from Nozomi's side, Maki walked off with her hands buried inside the pockets of her black uniform trousers.

Silence fell between the two third years left in the room. Nozomi had nothing to say to Nico anymore, everything that had bothered her about their friendship was already let out.

"I'm sorry," Nico suddenly spoke up, staring at the ground. "I only tried to protect you."

"I know," Nozomi answered quietly. She turned towards the door.

"But I wished you would do that in a way that doesn't blind me or harm others. We often think we can protect someone by withholding the truth. But nothing hurts more than being purposefully left in the dark."


	5. Silver Heart

 

 

Nozomi hadn’t felt this miserable in a long time. It was the kind of misery where she had no one to blame, knowing full well that it was her who had dug her own hole and jumped right into it, completely aware that it might be a bad decision but still hoping on the one percent chance that it might be not.

She had gambled everything on the one percent chance where she would be able to get through to Nico, ignoring the ninety-nine percent certainty of Nico feeling upset because Nozomi was pushing her too hard for truths she had no right to know.

Nozomi still couldn’t explain to herself why she had done that. It wasn’t her place to ask, it wasn’t her business to meddle with. She only wanted Nico to be honest with her, but ended up making the selfish wish to know her past secrets too.

And because of her lack of tact, Nico had been avoiding her the whole day. She didn’t eat lunch in the school cafeteria either. When Kotori told Nozomi that Nico had most likely sneaked out of school again to buy limited idol merchandise before they sold out, Nozomi just wordlessly nodded, knowing that this wasn’t the case today.

She should have just kept her mouth shut. What good had it ever done to her to speak when she could have stayed silent, letting the drama pass her?

Now it was too late to back out if it. She was going to meet up with Maki to find out the rest. And she wondered, what kind of secrets of herself would she have to sell to get a glimpse of Maki’s? Would she be able to gain any insight at all or would Maki be so cunning to exhaust every last secret of hers while Maki herself gave none of significance away?

As Nozomi walked down the broad corridors, listening to her footsteps echo against the stone walls, she felt a cold shiver run down her spines at the hollow sounds that seemed to follow and haunt her. She was suddenly aware of every breath she took and every step she made, realizing that she was completely alone wandering on these empty hallways.

But not for long. Once again, she heard them before they made themselves known. She stopped walking.

“Did you do it, Tojo?”

Nozomi turned around, facing only one of the five people that had cornered her yesterday in the bathroom. A third year.  

Taking a deep breath, Nozomi slowly shook her head. “No.”

“No?” With eyes as black as her hair, the taller girl took a threatening step towards Nozomi. “Then get to it.”

“No,” Nozomi whispered, insecurely blinking under the piercing gaze, but not facing away. “I can’t do it.”

“You can’t do it?” Her opposite repeated in disbelief. “Tojo, let me tell me what you can’t. You can’t become part of our world even if you wear Otonoki’s uniform. You can’t become anyone relevant without marrying into our circles. And you can never graduate this school if you don’t crawl into the asses of the ones who run it. But what you  _can_  do is to replace a damn bottle and do like you’re told to.”

Nozomi swallowed. “Not if it’s at the risk of her health.”

“Her health is what you’re worried about?” The black-haired girl let out a short, empty laugh. “Not even Ayase herself cares about her health, that’s why she takes that self-destructing stuff in the first place. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, people like her can afford to pay all the healthcare they need.”

“I…” Nozomi ground her teeth. “I won’t do it.”

“You still don’t get it.” The other girl sighed, pulling out her phone. “You don’t really have a choice, you know.” While tapping on her phone, she said tonelessly, “Tojo, I don’t know why you’re making your own life so hard. You know yourself that Ayase needs to get taken down a notch. And you would have even helped her by taking away her drugs.”

Finally understanding what the plan had been, Nozomi felt goosebumps erupting on her skin. They were planning to make Eli go through a sudden and painful withdrawal phase after the pills were exchanged for ineffective ones. Whatever she had taken before, a sudden stop in consumption would put an enormous mental and physical strain on her.

She needed to walk away right now. But her legs wouldn’t move, only trembling in fear.

“Tojo, do you really want us to spread this?” And the black-haired girl showed her the screen of her phone.

Speechless, Nozomi stared at a picture of herself giving Umi’s handkerchief back; it was taken from a classroom window judging from the distance and angle, but they were unmistakably recognizable by their hair and silhouettes.

“Now, before you underestimate what this picture can do, let me tell you something about the Otonoki crowd.” The taller girl smirked haughtily. “There are only three things that entertain us. One, secrets. Two, drugs. And three,” her smirk stretched wider, “betting on who can get Sonoda to submit to a relationship.”

Nozomi’s eyes widened and she shook her head, her strained voice whispering, “No…”

“You see, for people who can buy anything that is buyable, measuring themselves by their possessions has long become boring. But there’s still one thing left that money can’t buy and yet is exclusive to only the best of the best. Can you guess what it is, Tojo?”

A wave of nausea welled up in her chest and Nozomi covered her mouth to suppress it. Nico had been telling the truth about Umi and the game she had become among Otonoki girls.

“We have daughters of financial moguls, big CEOs and even royal blood gambling for the prize. Now imagine adding you to the pot, Tojo, a normal commoner who doesn’t even know the simplest rule of not objecting to the things she’s asked to do by someone hierarchical higher than her. That’s going to be fun. Well, for us.”

“No,” Nozomi breathed, desperately shaking her head, “I’m not…She gave it to me, that handkerchief! It doesn’t mean anything-“

“Well, that’s something for us to decide anyway,” the other girl cut in. “If we say it has meaning, then it has meaning.”

Nozomi stumbled a step backwards. “No, please don’t spread false information-“

“That’s the nice thing about rumors. It doesn’t need your consent to spread and it certainly doesn’t need to be true to be believed.” The black-haired girl shrugged. “Now let me ask you again. Are you going to do what we said?”

Nozomi knew she couldn’t. And she knew that whatever happened, she would be able to take the following torment, even if it would make the last year of her high school life hell. But she absolutely didn’t want Umi to be pulled into this mess. The games she had been stricken into were wrong and destructive, she didn’t want to add any weight to that if she was already unable to help.

“I…” Nozomi swallowed. “You can say whatever you want about me. But please don’t get Umi involved…”

And before she even saw the shocked expression on the other girl’s face, Nozomi clamped her own mouth shut, realizing the mistake she had made.

“Did you just…did you just call Sonoda by her first name?” Laughing in disbelief, the taller girl clasped her hands together in delight. “Oh my, they’re going to love this. So the rumors  _are_  true, you actually think you have a chance with Sonoda, you think she can be your ticket to our world.”

“No,” Nozomi choked out, “I’m not-“

“Then prove it.” Holding out her phone, the black-haired girl showed her the picture again, her thumb hovering above the ‘send’ button. “You don’t want me to send this to Ishikii. I heard she doesn’t play around.”

Nozomi paled at the mention of Ishikii’s name. Her quivering lips began forming the word ‘yes’ when suddenly a hand shot out next to her, grabbing the black-haired girl’s phone and flinging it against the wall. It shattered instantly on impact and the broken pieces rained down on the floor.

“Oops, my hand slipped.”

“What the hell – Nishikino?”

Eyes widening, Nozomi turned her head to the side and watched Maki pulling a check out of a checkbook and tucking it into the black-haired girl’s blazer. “Here, buy a new phone or two. And maybe some quality hair extensions because yours are starting to fall out.”

Mouth opening and closing in shock, the other girl said in a strangled voice, “You – are you fucking insane?”

“Not as insane as someone who messes with me when I’m pissed, and let me tell you, I’m going to be if you don’t get the fuck out of my face,” Maki replied drily. She dismissively waved with her hand. “Now shoo.”

“You can’t talk to me like that-“

“Yes, I can and yes, I just did.” Maki scratched her throat. “Want me to repeat my message until you get it? I’d rather not waste my breath on you. Tojo, tell her.”

Still overwhelmed by Maki’s sudden appearance, Nozomi stuttered out, “I think it’s better for you if you leave now…”

The black-haired girl stared at her in disbelief. “No way, Nishikino too? You really had me fooled with your naivety act but you actually know what you’re doing, don’t you…I bet Ayase is part of your plan too, that would explain so much.”

“Oi,” Maki growled, stepping in between them two, shielding Nozomi from the other girl. “You know what I hate more than people who talk too much? People who talk too much bullshit. If you keep going, I might have to write you another check for your hospital bills.”

Their similar height made them see eye to eye, and yet intimidation became evident on the black-haired girl’s face when she was met with Maki’s unblinking stare. She scoffed and turned around, quickly strutting away.

“Tch.” Maki used a finger to scratch herself beneath the chin. “People like her make me itchy.” She turned around to Nozomi. “You didn’t show up on time so I figured something like this happened again. Geez, you’ve got to learn how to bite, Tojo. Being the better person doesn’t accomplish you anything because everyone else here thinks they are the best.”

Nozomi blinked, staring up at Maki with a stunned expression. A faint whisper escaped her barely opened mouth. “You care.”

“What?”

With a smile on her lips, Nozomi shook her head. “Nothing. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, learn how to fight. I won’t be around the next time,” Maki tiredly muttered, trotting off.

Following her with a swing in her steps, Nozomi asked, “Does your offer still stand? About the…you know…”

“Why does this sound like you’re talking about sex?”

“E-eh? N-no, I…”

“Relax, Tojo. Yeah, we’re still doing that thing, can’t get rid of you otherwise, can I?” Maki replied. She glanced over her shoulder, giving Nozomi a short once over before facing forward again. “Unless sex fixes that too, then I guess I can live with that.”

Gasping, Nozomi looked down at her body that had been scanned, and stuttered out, “Excuse me?”

Maki dismissively waved with her hand without turning around. “Just joking, just joking.”

Frowning, Nozomi sped up her pace to walk next to Maki, looking at her face from the side.

“What?” Maki muttered after a minute of silence, sparing her a grim glance.  “Did no one ever teach you that it’s rude to stare?”

Turning her gaze away, Nozomi hummed. Somehow, she felt that something between them had changed. Nozomi sensed a certain familiarity in their interactions now, noticing that the other girl had shed her protective guard around her.

Maki ran a hand through her hair. “You seem awfully chipper for someone who almost cried minutes ago.”

“I didn’t cry,” Nozomi instantly rejected, hugging her elbows.

“Sure, if that lets you sleep better.”

Nozomi gnawed on the insides of her cheeks before she replied, “Well, you still scratch your throat.”

Maki turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “So?”

“So…” Nozomi didn’t meet her gaze. “You’re still not feeling well.”

Snorting, Maki replied drily, “I haven’t been feeling well since grade school.”

Wondering if Maki was joking in her own morbid way again, Nozomi unsurely looked up at her, quietly asking, “Why?”

Maki gazed ahead. “You tell me, Tojo. You’re the one who got a scholarship for this school and I know Director Minami didn’t choose you for your grades. There are thousands of girls as good as you. No offense.”

Nozomi furrowed her brows. “Then you tell me first why you think I was chosen.”

“Oh?” Maki chuckled lowly. “Not bad, Tojo, not bad. I’m beginning to see you as an actual person with a backbone.” She glanced at her with an amused smile. “A little bit more of that and you might be able to tell your next bully to piss off yourself.”

The sudden urge to pinch Maki almost overwhelmed Nozomi, and she questioned herself why she thought it would be okay to do that. She was sure that any straightforward movements would destroy any progress she had made with Maki.

“Good question though,” Maki said, humming in thought. “You certainly weren’t chosen for your guts.”

Nozomi suppressed a sigh. These little jabs would probably not stop any time soon.

“But at the same time, you’ve got more guts than most of the people here,” Maki said, burying her hands into her trouser pockets. “I don’t know. I think it says enough that I tolerate you enough to talk to you. See it as a compliment.”

Strangely, Nozomi did. She crossed her arms behind her back. “You’re not being quite honest.”

They arrived at the familiar double doors leading to the spacious piano room. With her hand on the doorknob, Maki paused in her movement. “No one ever is. That’s the basic rule of survival.” And she pushed the door open, marching straight towards her white grand piano. Nozomi followed her into the room.

As the doors fell shut behind her, a soft breeze rustled Nozomi’s hair. “And in what kind of world would you need such a survival strategy?”

Sitting down on the piano bench, Maki bent and stretched her fingers until her knuckles made a cracking sound. “In a world you’re quite familiar with.” She placed her fingers on the keys. “Reality.”

And she struck a powerful chord, hammering on the keys in rapid and successive but precise strokes, producing a wild yet harmonic melody that caused Nozomi’s heart to pound along, adapting to its speed.

It sounded chaotic yet had order; even with her eyes closed, Maki’s fingers never missed a note nor pressed the wrong one, dancing across the keys in a rushed yet structured manner.

And suddenly, Nozomi understood. The duality in Maki’s songs, the mixed emotions, the beautiful harmonies and the sad ring to them. As beautiful as her music was, it couldn’t be fully enjoyed, always being left with a bitter aftertaste in one’s mouth. Music was meant to move souls, not make them feel empty.

When Maki finished her song, she didn’t look up nor did she break her stance of being hovered over her keys.

“If that’s how it makes you feel…then why do you keep holding on to that strategy?” Nozomi whispered.

Maki didn’t move. “It’s not a strategy anymore. It’s a necessity. You wouldn’t understand, Tojo.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Nozomi said, taking a step towards the other girl. “I’m not you. And I don’t envy you.”

“Are you just rubbing it in now?” Maki growled, finally looking up, her eyes narrowed to slits. “Feel better about yourself now because you’re pitying the rich kid?”

Nozomi’s expression saddened. “My feeling of self-worth doesn’t grow on the suffering of others.”

“Here you go, pissing me off again just when I thought you might be tolerable,” Maki muttered, standing up. She shrugged out of her blazer and tossed it onto one of the armchairs.

“Tojo, stop sounding like you’ve already lived three life-times and know everything better.” Her tie was already loose when she pulled it off her neck. “Start sounding like an angry teenager. That’s the only period in our life where we’re allowed to be angry for no reason without being written off as insane. Imagine me ten years older with the same attitude and people would have long ago sent me to therapy.”

Clenching her fists, Nozomi stared at the floor. “Fine then.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll stop being overly rational if you stop being overly irrational.”

“Irrational?” Maki snorted, unbuttoning the top half of her shirt, revealing a white tank top beneath. “That’s part of being young too, you know. Live a little.”

“Is that why you take drugs?”

Maki stopped in her movements of rolling up her sleeves, slowly looking up.

“Is that what you think they are? Those pills?”

Nozomi unsurely looked at her. “Are they not?”

Shrugging, Maki continued folding up the sleeves of her shirt. “Technically, it’s medication.”

“For what?”

Without missing a beat, Maki replied, “For a life that sucks.”

“So they’re drugs.”

“No, they are perfectly legal. Openly purchasable.” Maki paused. “Admittedly, only through certain doctors with specific qualifications and a certain budget, but still purchasable.”

Getting frustrated, Nozomi chewed on her bottom lip, wondering which questions would lead her faster to the truth because the labyrinth that Maki was guiding her into wasn’t meant to bring her any closer to the goal she wanted to reach.

“What does it do to the body?” she asked quietly. She wanted to know what she was up against if she was going to work in the student council with someone who consumed those pills.

“Absolutely nothing,” Maki replied casually, picking up her blazer again to fumble through her pockets. “It just modulates the release of some neurotransmitters in your brain.” She pulled out a pack of gum. “Want some?”

Bewildered by Maki’s string of incoherent actions, Nozomi slowly shook her head. “They still sound like drugs.”

“No,” Maki drawled out in a long sigh, “they are a milestone in medical history. Except for the missing international recognition because the western world hates acknowledging anything that’s better than them at science.”

“Because it’s illegal?” Nozomi asked slowly.

“Because it’s genius,” Maki countered, shoving a piece of gum into her mouth. “Our lab has artificially created an active substance based on the concept of THC. A refined version of it, if you will.”

“THC,” Nozomi whispered, “which is found in cannabis.” She furrowed her brows. “How can you still try to tell me that it’s not illegal?”

“Because it’s not THC, that’s the whole point, Tojo,” Maki said, rolling her eyes as she plopped down in one of the free armchairs. “It only simulates the positive effects. The less desirable ones have been successfully eliminated. No after-effects at all. Physically speaking.”

“Successfully eliminated?” Nozomi repeated in disbelief, her mind suddenly replaying memories of Eli trapping her against the lockers and shouting at her. “So aggressive outbursts are normal?”

Crossing her legs, Maki took her time in scanning Nozomi’s expression before she finally answered, “So you’ve met Ayase in her finest state already, huh?”

When Nozomi didn’t reply, Maki said with a shrug, “Seems to me like you’ve already seen who Ayase truly is without the medication.”

A numbing feeling crept up her spine, clouding her mind and settling heavily on her heart. “What?”

“That’s right,” Maki tilted up her chin, reaching to scratch her throat when she stopped herself in the last second, hands curling into fists. She chewed harder on her gum without tasting it. “Our perfect student council president relies on those pills to act civil. It’s the only way she becomes tolerable to us and the only way we become tolerable to her.”

Staring at Maki with wide eyes, Nozomi wondered if the conversation she was having was real or just a bad joke in some major scheme to mock her out of school. “You said you stopped distributing those weeks ago.”

“That’s right,” Maki said. She smiled emptily. “Time to get to know the real Ayase, isn’t it?”

“No, you can’t just suddenly stop-“

“Like I said, there are no physical after-effects,” Maki interrupted. “Any effects she might feel are imaginations. She’ll survive. The question now is, will you?”

Shaken to the core, Nozomi couldn’t look at Maki’s face any longer. She turned her back to her, a sick feeling of betrayal pressing against her lungs until she felt like she couldn’t breathe anymore. “I hurt Nico because of you.”

“Hah? How the hell does Yazawa come into this?” Sitting up at the mention of Nico’s name, Maki furrowed her brows.

Nozomi shut her eyes to prevent tears from leaking.  

“I believed that you were not the terrible person Nico made you out to be. But she was right after all. Just as manipulative as she said.”

And she stormed out of the room without looking back, wiping at her eyes and wondering if she had imagined Maki weakly calling her name.

* * *

 

She wanted to be alone. A place where she didn’t have to worry about being judged, a room where she could hide for the rest of her lunch break. Was there a room in Otonokizaka that no student would want to walk in unless it was absolutely urgent?

And she had her answer. Her feet directed her to the student council room. Not even Eli would be spending her lunch break in that room.

But to make sure no one was truly inside, she knocked and waited, and when no answer came, she entered the room, finding it empty. At least for now, she would find a little bit of peace here.

She walked over to the windows and blankly stared outside. Otonokizaka was beautiful with its brilliant architecture and generous placement of trees and flowers, but to Nozomi, she felt like she was looking at a picture of an advertisement. As pretty as it was, it didn’t touch her because she knew the real thing was a far cry from its depiction.

Her eyes registered a sudden movement outside, following a girl who was storming out of the main school entrance. Nozomi didn’t recognize that girl but she did know the second one who calmly walked out and stopped at the stairs. Nozomi pressed her forehead against the window glass.

“Umi…”

The second year tiredly leaned against a pillar and crossed her arms. She seemed to waiting for something.

And sure enough, the first girl who had stormed out came back, and she furiously gestured with her hands as she shouted at her. Nozomi felt a chill running down her spine at watching Umi’s expressionless face. She wasn’t even blinking at being screamed at.

Only when the other girl stopped shouting, suddenly saying something with a deflated expression and hanging shoulders, did Umi react. She nodded once.

Nozomi held her breath as she watched the other girl running off once again, wiping at her eyes. And she was certain that this time, she wouldn’t come back.

Suddenly, Umi looked up, straight at the windows of the student council room like she knew she was being watched. Nozomi instantly tripped backwards, falling on her behind in her haste to get away from the windows.

Had Umi seen her? Had she felt her watching?

“Tojo.”

Freezing up, Nozomi wondered if it was too late to pretend she had fainted since she was already sitting on the floor.

“What are you doing here?”

Nozomi slowly stood up and took a deep breath before she was ready to face the one she had been dreading to see. “Am I not allowed to be here?”

Irritated by the unexpected comeback, Eli slammed the door shut behind her before glaring at Nozomi. “So you want to talk? Then let’s talk, Tojo.”

Realizing that she had once again pushed herself into a hole, Nozomi regretted speaking up at all. She should have just walked away when she had the chance. Unable to meet Eli’s harsh gaze, she turned her face away.

“Tojo, what rule did I set up?” Eli growled, closing in on her. “About looking me in the eyes when you speak to me?”

But Nozomi couldn’t. As much as she didn’t want to give Eli the satisfaction of being intimidated by her, she couldn’t bring herself to look into eyes so cold and distant. It caused her heart to ache too much when she shouldn’t be affected at all.

“I see.” Eli stroked her tie. “You are dismissed as vice president. I don’t need someone like you, regardless of what Director Minami says.”

“W-what?” Nozomi finally stared up at the blonde. “You can’t-“

“And that’s where you are wrong,” Eli cut her off. “The only reason why you are here is because I respect Director Minami and her decisions. She does come from a gifted scholar family, but in terms of capital investment, they lack foresight. And putting her faith in you is just one example of their poor investment choices.”

Nozomi clenched her fists. “I’m not a product. I’m not a product to invest in and make profit with.”

Eli paused, scanning the shorter girl’s face. “That’s cute, Tojo. Do you also believe in equality and peace being the solution to everything?”

Biting her teeth together, Nozomi stared at Eli’s impeccably knotted tie. Why was she mocked for every positive thing she was believing in? Why were Maki and Eli so hell-bent on turning her beliefs against her?

“So what if I do?” Nozomi whispered. “Someone has to.”

“Well, then you have already recognized the universal law of duty.” Eli’s lips stretched into an empty smile. “Someone always has to do something.”

The blonde turned away from Nozomi with a sigh, walking to her usual seat. “Certainly you are familiar with the term ‘capital accumulation’, Tojo. It’s basically a doctrine drilled into us since birth. Investing money in something for the sole purpose of getting more.” She let herself fall into her chair. “In other words, the basis of capitalism.”

Eli rested her elbows on the table, propping her chin on her hands. “Now there’s a theory that is not so much a theory but a fact. It says that capital accumulation is only possible on the backs of others who have less and less while we get more and more. Globalization hasn’t made us wealthier as a whole but has only redistributed wealth. So this is why the notion of equality is amusing to me. Because we simply are not born equal.”

Nozomi hugged her own elbows. “We should be.”

“But we aren’t.” Eli blankly gazed at Nozomi’s torn expression. “You and I can go to Otonokizaka because somewhere in this world or maybe even somewhere in this country, an entire village of children have to miss school for work so they can bring their family through. Someone has to, right? Try telling them that we are all born equal.”

“So what are you trying to say?” Nozomi replied, exasperated. “That we should just accept things as they are?”

“That would be the first step, yes,” Eli said calmly. “Accept the structures that already exist before you try changing them. The same way you should accept that you are as much of a product as we all are.”

“I’m not,” Nozomi breathed with a shake of her head, “I’m more than that.”

“Really?” Eli leaned back in her seat. “Then why are you here?”

Nozomi furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Don’t tell me you chose Otonokizaka thinking that you’ll get the best education here,” Eli said, crossing her arms behind her head. “Don’t tell me your parents are proud of your decision because you are so eager to learn.” She tilted her head. “They are proud because Otonokizaka will increase your value for the job market. And you knew that when you applied for here.”

“I…” Nozomi closed her mouth, biting her tongue.

“Face it, Tojo,” Eli sighed. “You did it to distinguish yourself from everyone else. You didn’t want to be equal with the rest. This is our true nature; we are not meant to be equal.”

“Then,” Nozomi slowly looked up, anger lit in her eyes, “what right do you have to say all these things if you are sitting on top of the food chain?”

“Oh?” Eli raised an eyebrow when Nozomi’s expression turned dark. “I wasn’t aware of my position within such an old concept of hierarchy.” She thoughtfully hummed. “It would be more accurate to describe it as several food chains within a food chain plus many contradictions and restrictions.”

“And where do you stand?”

Completely neutral, Eli replied, “At the bottom of the top.”

“And what makes you think that?”

The corners of Eli’s mouth curled up in a hollow smirk. “Because I know that.”

Frustration welling up in her chest and threatening to choke her, Nozomi had enough of enduring Eli’s arrogant and condescending attitude. “Is it that amusing? Or have you already lost your mind to the drugs?”

The smirk was instantly wiped off her face. Eyes narrowing, Eli sat up straight and lowly said, “What did you just say?”

Nozomi swallowed. “You heard me.”

Hands slamming down on the table, Eli pushed herself up, knocking her chair over in the process. “Do you know what you are accusing me of, Tojo?”

Nozomi took a step back, feeling her heart drop. “It’s not an accusation. It’s true, isn’t it?”

“Shut up,” Eli hissed, “I’m not – I don’t get involved with drugs.”

“Because technically, they’re medication,” Nozomi finished quietly.

Eli stared at her. “Nishikino told you. That damn-“

“What? No, she didn’t,” Nozomi vehemently shook her head, not wanting to get Maki pulled into this, but Eli wasn’t listening anymore.

Storming towards the door, Eli’s expression spelled murder, and Nozomi panicked when she realized that a confrontation between the blonde and Maki might lead back to her. She didn’t want Maki go back to hating her.

So without thinking, Nozomi leaned against the door with her back and held the doorknob to prevent Eli from grabbing after it too. “Please don’t, it’s not her fault.”

“Out of my way.”

Nozomi swallowed, remaining unmoving even when Eli was towering over her, effectively trapping her against the door. “I knew it before she confirmed it.”

Eli’s wild gaze locked onto Nozomi’s face. “How?”

“I…” Should she tell the truth? Should she gamble on the one percent chance where Eli might not react irrationally and even be grateful for her refusal to carry out the cruel plan of switching her pills?

“Tojo, I don’t have time for –“

“Your former vice presidents wanted me to steal your pills as revenge but I didn’t. When I asked Ma- Nishikino what they were, she told me the truth,” she blurted out, unable to stand Eli’s piercing eyes any longer, screwing her own eyes shut.

Silence fell between them. Nozomi didn’t dare to look up, fearing an aggressive reaction. But she could hear Eli breathing through her nose, surprisingly calm.

“Revenge?”

“Yes. They felt like they had been treated unfairly in their time as vice presidents.”

“Huh.” A beat of pause, then, “Tojo.”

Nozomi’s eyelids fluttered at the whisper. Was it really Eli who had managed to produce such a soft sound?

“Look at me,” Eli’s said lowly. “Look at me and explain the whole story.”

Slowly tilting her head up, Nozomi opened her eyes and looked at Eli, who had taken a step back to leave some space between them. The rough edges in her facial features hadn’t left, but her eyes no longer had the icy pierce to them.

Nozomi felt her throat dry up, but she forced herself to speak. She couldn’t ruin this chance now that had managed to create an opening; this was her chance to set things right with Eli. Sounding strangled, Nozomi retold everything that happened from the beginning, told Eli word for word what those former vice presidents wanted from her, and even included the previous encounter with one of them and Maki’s intervention.

By the time she was done, her heart was racing and her mouth completely dry, breathlessly staring at Eli, anxiously waiting for a reaction.

But the blonde just gazed back at her with no expression at all. Her eyes showed no anger, no disgust, no shock, nothing. The only thing Nozomi could see was her own reflection in those blue eyes.

“I see.” Eli deliberately let her gaze trail down Nozomi’s face, shortly lingering on her mouth before darting back up. “Tojo, is this the whole truth?”

Nozomi nervously nodded. She didn’t think she could manage to lie convincingly in front of Eli even if she wanted to.

“Then, step aside.”

“No!” Nozomi held up her hands to stop Eli from approaching the door. “Please, if you do anything, they’ll know that I told you.”

Eli paused. “So you are concerned about your well-being.”

To the blonde’s surprise, Nozomi shook her head. “I think I’ll manage…but they threatened to do something that would cause trouble for someone else. And I don’t want them to hate me.”

“And who might that be?”

“U-,“ Nozomi bit her lip. “Sonoda.”

Eli scanned Nozomi’s expression for honesty and when she found genuine worry, she furrowed her brows. “So it is not yourself that you’re worried about?”

She would be lying if she said no. But it wasn’t her priority right now. It would kill her to destroy one of the few good relations she had in Otonokizaka. Even though Umi barely counted as a friend with the little interaction they had inside of school, she was a major contribution to Nozomi’s feeling of self-worth. She knew that being even the slightest bit dependent on Umi’s approval of her as a person was unhealthy, but she couldn’t stop her heart from feeling what it felt, and it gained incredible strength at knowing that Otonokizaka’s most unattainable student treated her with more attention than she had given anyone else besides her friends.  

“I’m used to it,” Nozomi said quietly with a sad smile. “It won’t be much different from usual.”

Eli’s jaw twitched. “Very well. I respect your wish not to inconvenience Umi. Which is why I will consult her before my next action because I can’t let such a thing slide.”

She gestured with her hand for Nozomi to move out of her way, and this time, Nozomi obliged.

After opening the door, Eli paused, slowly turning her face to Nozomi. “I…” She looked reluctant to continue, and for one second, Nozomi almost dared to wonder if she was going to hear an apology.

“I will make sure to include your role in this. Your safety should be guaranteed.” And Eli walked out, pulling the door close behind her.

Nozomi let out a long breath she didn’t know she had been holding and leaned against the wall, sliding down along it until she sat on the floor.

She slowly began to understand Maki’s preference for sitting on the floor. To feel solid ground beneath her when everything else in her life felt like crumbling reminded her that the world wasn’t ending but just spinning in a faster pace than she was used to. And a few minutes of lying on the floor would slow down everything again. Until then, she would grant herself the time she needed to recover because she didn’t know when she would get the chance to rest again.

* * *

 

“I’m sorry.”

Surprised, Nozomi looked up to find Nico standing in front of her desk. Class was going to start in a few minutes, what was Nico trying to do?

“I’m sorry,” Nico repeated, wringing with her hands, “I guess I didn’t always tell you the whole truth…” She cleared her throat, lowering her voice, “I might have said some things to get you on my side. I wanted to make you think the same as me, but you’re right, I should have let you built your own opinions.”

Nico being this considerate wasn’t new but rare, and Nozomi knew to appreciate the amount of effort Nico must have brought up to overcome her pride and apologize first. Their friendship meant something to her and she wanted it back.

Feeling like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, Nozomi smiled in relief and grinned at Nico, who mirrored her expression.

“So we good again?”

“Yes,” Nozomi breathed with a quiet laugh. “Yes, we are. And I’m also sorry for probing. I want to be your friend, not your mother.”

“Yeah, that would be just weird,” Nico chuckled, before pausing. “You would be a good mom though. You give off this feeling of security. Like all my secrets would be safe with you.”

Words ringing familiar, Nozomi wanted to ask if Nico had been talking with Kotori about her, but a sudden movement caught her eyes and before she could comprehend what happened, Nico was loudly cursing and wiping at her pink cardigan. “The hell?”

Dumbstruck, Nozomi stared at the spilled coffee cup on her desk and watched her notes and books soaking up the dark liquid as she sat there frozen, not automatically backing away from the dripping table as Nico had, numbly feeling drops of hot coffee landing on her lap.

“Oops. My mistake.”

“What the fuck is your deal, Shido?” Nico shouted, grabbing the collar of a classmate, who looked far too indifferent for someone who had accidentally dropped their drink on someone’s table.

“I already said it’s my mistake,” Shido replied, rolling her eyes when a shorter Nico pulled at her collar. “Would you get your oily fingers off my shirt? I just had that tailored last week.”

Finally Nozomi reacted, standing up to get away from the mess.

“Clean that shit up,” Nico growled, shaking her classmate by the collar. By now, the whole classroom’s attention was on them.

“Why would I do that, this school has people who are paid to do this,” Shido snapped, grabbing Nico’s wrists to get her hands off her. “Now for the last time, Yazawa, get your hands off me, I might catch your lack of talent!”

All whispering and pointing stopped instantly, and the sudden silence unsettled Nozomi. What had happened?

“You two.”

And Nozomi immediately understood. An authority person had appeared and it wasn’t the teacher.

“Care to explain?” Eli said calmly, looking between Nico and Shido. The latter one instantly backed away, bowing her head slightly.

“Tch,” Nico scoffed. “Shido dropped a full coffee cup on Nozomi’s desk. She tried to sell it as an accident but the only accident I see here is her face.”

Nozomi flinched. While she admired Nico’s blunt attitude, she didn’t think that resorting to insults would help her case.

After blue eyes swept over the mess that was books and papers drenched in coffee, Eli turned her sharp gaze to Shido, who looked considerably less confident now. “Was it an accident?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then explain how it happened,” Eli said coolly. “Because I just cannot imagine a scenario where you would pass Tojo’s desk when your seat is across the classroom.”

“I…I wanted to go talk to a friend and then stumbled.”

“How did you stumble?”

“I lost balance-“

“Enough,” Eli cut off coldly, eyes narrowing. “I don’t care if you did it on purpose or accident. You are still responsible. You will go to the library to borrow a copy of the books for Tojo and you will stop by at the janitor’s closet to pick up cleaning utensils. You will clean this up yourself because the janitors have more important work to do.”

With her head ducked, Shido quickly left the classroom without a protest.

“You should have let her wipe that table with her face,” Nico muttered, picking at the clearly visible coffee stain on her pink cardigan. “This will never get out…”

Seeing Nico’s stained clothes reminded Nozomi of her own and she looked down at her skirt that was wet above a very unfortunate place. Embarrassed, Nozomi covered that spot with her hands.

“Tojo, go change into your sports uniform,” Eli said, wrinkling her nose at the sight. “You do have a spare set in your lockers, don’t you?”

Biting her tongue, Nozomi slowly shook her head. She couldn’t afford more than the one set she possessed, and it was lying in her laundry basket at home.

“She can have mine,” Nico spoke up, “and I’ll need to go change too.” She pulled at her cardigan to show off her stains.

Eli nodded once. “I’ll inform the teacher. Make it quick.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Nico mockingly replied beneath her breath, and she pulled Nozomi by the sleeve, dragging her out of the classroom, away from the stares and whispers.

“That…went better than I expected,” Nozomi mumbled as she followed Nico to the lockers.

“Well, if there’s anything that gets Ayase’s blood boiling other than objecting her, it’s creating a mess in front of her,” Nico replied with a shrug.

Would Eli have reacted this way with anyone else too? For one moment, Nozomi believed that Eli was standing to her words of guaranteeing her safety, but then again, Shido dropping coffee on her table most likely had nothing to do with the vengeful vice presidents.

“Thank you, Nico,” Nozomi muttered. “You didn’t have to get involved.”

“I got involved the moment that bitch spilled coffee on my favorite cardigan,” Nico answered in a grim tone. Having arrived at the lockers, she unlocked hers and pulled out a set of Otonokizaka’s sports uniform. “You take the pants, I take the top. Let’s go change in the infirmary, it’s closer and almost always empty.”

Nozomi remembered the last time she had been in the infirmary, the feeling of hopelessness being her only company as she waited for Umi to return with her clothes while starting to mentally prepare herself for the afternoons with the student council president. Somehow her state of mind hadn’t changed much since then, she was still feeling very much hopeless and helpless about her current situation.

 

* * *

 

 

“You okay? Just tell me if you don’t feel up to it. You know distractions are dangerous.” Maki brushed dust off her helmet and nodded to the empty race track.

“I don’t quite understand why I wouldn’t be okay,” Umi replied absently, adjusting the straps of her helmet. It had been a while since she had joined Maki for a spin on the race track owned by the Nishikinos. Located in a remote area outside the city and suburbs, they were free to drive modified race cars that were otherwise illegal on public streets.

“Was just checking because Sumitomo didn’t look so good yesterday. I didn’t think you would drop her so fast after that deal was made official.”

Slipping into a blue and silver racing suit, Umi zipped up her uniform while distractedly answering, “We had an arrangement and she broke it. There was no purpose in maintaining a relation with her anymore.”

“That’s cold, Umi, even for you. You know there was nothing she could have really done once her family decided that.” Shrugging, Maki picked at the sleeve of her red and gold racing suit. “Oh well, guess she can’t say I didn’t warn her.”

“You warned her? Of what?” Umi asked with a raised eyebrow, pausing in her movements to glance at Maki, who was struggling with her zipper that had gotten stuck halfway up.

“Of exactly that.” Maki managed to free her zipper and pulled it up to beneath her chin. “I told her the terms and conditions of getting close to you but she ignored me, no surprise there.”

Furrowing her brows, Umi watched Maki stretching her arms. “I’m not sure how to think of this.”

“Be grateful,” Maki muttered, “that way, they’ve got no one but themselves to blame for getting burned.”

“I see.” Umi copied Maki’s warm-up moves. “You’re becoming a true corporate thinker.”

“Oh, shut up. I wouldn’t have to do this if you had a grip on your situation.”

Tensing up for a moment, Umi’s voice remained calm as she replied, “There’s no need for you to worry about me.”

“Yeah?” Maki let her arms drop to the side. “Because I heard some rumors that you won’t like. And judging the way you handled your previous case, I’m pretty sure that Mitsui will soon be a thing of your past too.”

Umi stiffened. “Mitsui?”

“Yes. If my father heard right, then there’s already a contract all set up, ready to be signed by the end of this month.”

Umi let out a long and tired sigh. “I see.”

“Stop saying that because you don’t see anything,” Maki retorted in annoyance, “you can’t even see the grave you’re pushing yourself towards. Listen, after this deal is official, your air is going to get real thin. And I just want to know how you plan to keep on breathing like that.”

“I just do.” Umi picked up her helmet and walked towards her race car. “It’s not like I have much of a choice.”

“You do, you know. No one asked you to play the hero.” Maki lowered her voice. “Especially not her.”

“We’re not talking about this again,” Umi answered, irritation growing in her voice. She roughly pulled open the car door to the driver’s side. “This is not about me.”

“You’re right, it’s never about you, it’s always about her. But I told you, you can’t play this game forever. It’s not going to work out.”

“Even so, I can’t leave things untried.” Umi turned her face to Maki, her expression twisted in anger and frustration, and the first year instinctively took a step back despite not even being in the other girl’s vicinity. “Do you think I like doing this? Do you think I don’t regret any of the things that I’ve done?”

Maki averted her eyes. “I never said that.”

Within seconds, Umi’s expression had returned to neutral and calm upon recognizing Maki’s hidden guilty look. She climbed into her car and put on her helmet. “Come on, let’s race. We’ve got a score to settle. You’ve been looking forward to it all week, haven’t you?”

And Maki knew that their previous topic had been dismissed. But she knew better than to forcefully reopen it. They all had their sore spots. “Someone’s eager to lose,” she taunted, getting into her own car.

Chuckling, Umi started the engine and slowly drove out of the garage first, closely followed by Maki who soon drove next to her. They halted before the starting line of the race track.

Maki held up three fingers and waited for Umi to nod, then began counting down to zero. The moment her last finger curled down, their feet forcefully stepped on pedals, making engines roar and tremble, and their cars shot forward like rockets.

Two blurs of silver and red sped along the race track and whirled up small storms of sand and dust. At every curve and turn, a new position was decided and no one stayed behind the other for long.  

With the scenery rushing by in a blur and the acceleration pushing them back against their seats, this was one of the rare moments where they could feel adrenaline pumping through their veins, excitement intoxicating their minds. Any wrong decision or hasty movement could cost their life at this speed, but this was the thrill they needed and sought for. This was the kind of freedom they sought for. The only one who could decide over their fate at that moment was themselves. Every action their car made was a direct consequence of their own actions and no one else’s.  

Maki’s mother had been against granting her child the permission to use the family owned race track, but her father saw it as a good chance to train his daughter in making split second decisions. Only a hundredth of a second was enough to decide over victory or loss. A second’s delay in action could mean life or death or at least heavy injury. Foresight and experience was needed to successfully race.

Maki’s father always told her that leading a company was no different than participating in a never ending car race. There was no absolute prize to win, their only goal was to stay in the top three so they could keep racing. With every round, a new order would be decided and the weakest ones would be eliminated. Only the strongest ones would get to stay in the game.

When Maki was ten, she didn’t understand what the point of a never ending car race was if there was no absolute goal to win.

When Maki turned fifteen, she understood that the sole point of this game wasn’t to win. It was to not lose.

And by the time she realized she didn’t want to participate in a game like this, she was already in the middle of it.

\--


	6. Glass Heart

 

 

The moment she had stepped on school grounds this morning, Nozomi knew that something was off. She felt eyes following her wherever she went, quietly watching and observing her from a safe distance. She was expecting someone to confront her any second, but nothing ever came. She was stuck with the foreboding feeling of being attacked any time.

Even without telling Nico, the black-haired girl had noticed the tense atmosphere as well, and she became cautious, often glancing behind her shoulders. She too was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The queasy feeling haunted Nozomi the whole day, not leaving her even when she was surrounded by her friends during lunch break. She couldn't swallow her food, chewing on it with a dry mouth while her eyes nervously flitted around the room.

"Aren't you hungry?" Honoka pointed to Nozomi's barely touched lunch.

Shaking her head, Nozomi put down knife and fork. As delicious her salmon steak was, as nauseous did it make her feel in this moment.

"Do you perhaps want an apple instead?" Kotori offered at seeing Nozomi's expression, already reaching for her school bag to rummage inside it. "It's freshly picked from our own garden at home. They're green and a bit sour but very healthy and more organic than the red ones our canteen offers. It's yours if you want it."

Declining with another shake of her head, Nozomi quickly mustered up a grateful smile to seem less rude. She really had no appetite for anything anymore. Managing to swallow the tasteless bite in her mouth that she had been chewing on for minutes, Nozomi wordlessly pushed her full plate over to Honoka and gestured for her to have it.

Honoka stared at the new portion in front of her, then furrowed her brows when she looked at Nozomi. "Are you okay?"

Nozomi nodded. "I'm not hungry-"

"No, I mean," Honoka's voice became lower, "are you okay with how things are right now? Because I don't think you are."

Rin and Hanayo looked up from their plates in surprise, glancing between Honoka and Nozomi. Nico kept her gaze down, pretending to keep eating just like Kotori did.

"Honoka, I," Nozomi swallowed. "I'm fine."

"Are you?" Honoka replied instantly without blinking.

"Honoka," Hanayo whispered, nudging her friend's leg beneath the table.

"What?" Honoka crossed her arms. "You all can feel it. It's weird. It's weird because I feel like something bad is going to happen to Nozomi and I can't tell where it's coming from."

Rin cleared her throat. "I feel so too…and I don't think it's just imagination."

"Really, I am fine," Nozomi repeated with a forced smile, feeling her mouth getting drier with every lie she tried to convincingly tell.

"Honoka's right," Nico suddenly said without looking up. Her tone was dark. "Things are obviously not okay for you. Haven't been for a while now."

"Nico…"

"If you don't want to tell, that's fine," Nico said, forcefully piercing her food with her fork. "But don't try to act like everything's okay. There's no need to do that in front of us."

Nozomi fell silent. Her eyes shifted from Nico to Kotori, who noticed her gaze and replied with a sympathetic smile. But something about that smile made Nozomi feel anything but placated.

"Have you ever told Kotori the same?" she suddenly said to Nico. "That she doesn't need to act like she is okay in front of us?"

"Eh?" Kotori's smile froze. Nico looked up in confusion.

"You always remind me to stop putting up an act. But have you ever told Kotori to do the same?"

All eyes turned to Kotori, who became considerably uncomfortable at the attention. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

Biting her tongue, Nozomi refrained from exclaiming that she was doing exactly what Nozomi had accused her of doing. She directed her gaze on the table when she felt a light breeze brushing the back of her neck.

"Excuse me?"

"What," Nico began in an irritated tone, turning her head back to the intruder, but the rest of her words remained stuck in her throat.

Rin choked on her food while Hanayo and Honoka openly gaped at the person that was standing before them. Kotori hadn't looked up, but her stance had stiffened.

"May I sit with you?"

Gesturing to the only empty chair at the round table with one hand and the other hand holding a green apple, Umi waited with a questioning look for an answer. It was a seat between Nozomi and Hanayo; the latter one subtly scooped her own chair away from it. Nozomi's mouth dropped open in a soundless 'yes' as she stared up in soft amber eyes.

"You may not."

In the movement of pulling the chair back, Umi paused and looked over Nozomi's head to Nico. "Excuse me?" Her body language revealed that she hadn't expected a rejection or even considered one. The wrinkles between her eyebrows told the story of a person who had never faced refusals before.

"You asked if you can sit and I answered," Nico said slowly, narrowing her eyes at Umi.

Umi calmly took her time to gauge Nico's hostile expression before she directly addressed Hanayo and Nozomi. "Since my presence will affect you two more, I'd like to let you have the last word."

"Eh?" Hanayo squeaked in shock. Insecure, she shot a helpless look at Rin, who looked just as confused about what to do. Hanayo nervously cleared her throat. "I suppose I don't mind…"

"Hanayo," Nico hissed, but Hanayo avoided her friend's glare.

"Tojo?" Umi quietly asked, waiting for the last light to switch to green.

Nozomi swallowed, knowing that Nico was going to confront her about this later. "I don't mind."

"Thank you very much." Umi unbuttoned her blazer and sat down, causing not only those around her to tense up but the entire canteen to fall silent. Nozomi had never felt under more scrutiny than now. But at the same time, she had never felt safer. The foreboding feeling of ending up in a cruel prank had disappeared.

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Nico hissed, seemingly the only one not too stunned to question Umi's presence.

"I have absolutely no intentions of doing anything," Umi replied neutrally, then bit into her apple. Her eyes that always seemed to be cast downwards in boredom or indifference didn't react when opposite of her, Kotori put down her cutlery and stood up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Kotori announced tonelessly, walking off before her friends could reply.

"Wait!" Honoka and Rin called after her, standing up to follow her but Nico gestured to them to stay. "I'll talk to her." And she stood up as Honoka and Rin took their seats again.

"No, wait," Nozomi suddenly said. She turned her head to the person next to her who was mechanically taking a bite of their apple and stiffly chewing on it. "I think it's best if you go after her."

"What?" Nico exclaimed in disbelief, but Nozomi didn't take her eyes off Umi, who had stopped pretending to eat, lowering her arm with the fruit.

"I think it's best if I don't," Umi replied quietly. "She doesn't want to see me. And I'm more needed here."

"Hah? Who the hell would need you," Nico spat, but Nozomi suddenly understood. The feeling of security, the sudden disappearance of her fear since Umi had joined their table.

"No, don't do this for me," Nozomi shook her head, giving Umi a pleading look. "You're making it worse."

Umi's grip on her apple tightened, her fingers denting the surface. "I'm trying to help. It's partly my fault that you're in this situation in the first place."

Exasperated about Umi's stubbornness, Nozomi tried to put more emphasis into her words. "No, this is not your fault. I'm thankful for what you're trying to do, but you shouldn't be here."

"Tojo," Umi said curtly, hints of impatience leaking through her usually neutral voice. "I don't react well to orders."

Nozomi swallowed. "Neither does Kotori react well to you. Don't you think that this is something you can change?"

She received no reaction from Umi, whose body stance had stiffened.

"Nozomi," Hanayo spoke up quietly, "I think we should look after Kotori now."

Biting her lip, Nozomi was reluctant to give up.

"We're wasting time here," Nico groaned. "I'm going."

"Just," Nozomi touched Nico's arm and gave Honoka, Rin and Hanayo a pleading look, "one minute. Just one minute."

After scrutinizing Nozomi with a pensive look, Honoka was the first one to nod. Rin and Hanayo followed seconds after.

"Nico?"

Grinding her teeth, Nico let out a low grunt and sat down again. "One minute."

Having followed the interaction, Umi visibly tensed, wondering what Nozomi was capable of achieving within one minute. She almost flinched when Nozomi turned to her with a warm look.

"What is it that you like about green apples?" Nozomi asked softly, gazing at said fruit that Umi's increasingly unsteady hand was clenching.

"I'm sorry?" Umi's eyelids fluttered, confusion loosening the hard edges of her facial features.

Feeling her friends piercing her with wary looks, Nozomi calmly continued, "I personally prefer the red ones. They're sweeter. But I think the one fruit that I like best is the strawberry."

Umi furrowed her brows. "Tojo, where are you trying to go with this?"

"Nowhere," Nozomi honestly answered. "But maybe you can help me answering why Kotori knew without asking that strawberry cake is my favorite? She once ordered it for me though I haven't told her what I like."

Raising an eyebrow, Umi supplied with a short, "I don't know."

Nozomi lowered her gaze and said softly, "I don't think that Kotori knew either. She probably just ordered it, assuming that I, like most other people, am able to enjoy strawberry cake. And in the moment she bought it for me, it became my favorite."

"I don't quite understand."

Nozomi tilted her head and gazed at Umi with a small smile. "I think you do. Isn't that the same reason you go out of your way to bring green apples from home instead of taking the red ones from the canteen?"

The apple slipped through Umi's fingers and dropped onto the table, rolling to the edge before Rin managed to stop it with her quick reflexes.

"Tojo," Umi muttered gravely, getting up from her seat in mechanic motions. "I recommend you to utilize that amount of observation for taking better care of yourself before you try saving others."

"I…" Nozomi closed her mouth. She had been unmistakably shut down by Umi. Any attempt to keep pushing for a result would be futile, but still –

"That's not what I'm trying to do." Voice quiet and gaze turned downward, Nozomi curled her fingers into fists. "I just don't like seeing the people close to me being sad. If there was anything I could do to change that, isn't it natural that I would try it?"

"And what makes you the judge of other people's happiness?" Umi countered, amber eyes flaring up. "What gives you the right to interfere?"

"Nothing," Nozomi replied without thinking, "the same way you don't have the right to interfere with Kotori's happiness. Whatever it is that is making Kotori lose her smile when you are around, you need to set her free."

Nozomi heard her friends sharply inhaling. She herself was holding her breath, feeling her heart wildly pounding in her chest. Had she finally gone too far this time?

She cautiously looked up at Umi's face, but the tall girl had already turned away from her.

It was a faint whisper, too quiet to reach anyone else in the canteen, but Nozomi's sensitive ears had caught it, and to her, nothing rang louder inside her mind than those few words that had been uttered with so much bitterness.

" _If only she would set me free first._ "

Feeling her throat drying up, Nozomi couldn't tell Umi to stay as she watched the tall girl walking off, her posture graceful and yet still vulnerable.

"Who knew that Sonoda was such a coward," Nico pressed out between gritted teeth. "Nozomi, you can't get through to people like her with talking. They don't learn. They can't accept the fact that they might be wrong."

"I'm going to look after Kotori now," Honoka said impatiently and stood up, and Rin and Hanayo followed her out of the canteen.

"Aren't you going to come too?" Nico asked when she saw that Nozomi hadn't moved at all, frozen in her seat as she unblinkingly stared at the green apple on the table.

A heavy weight seemed to settle on Nozomi's shoulders and pressed her down into her seat. "Too many people trying to comfort her all at once might be a bit overwhelming…"

"Hey," Nico touched Nozomi's shoulder, "don't let what Sonoda said get to you. I mean, you do have this helper complex but it's only because you genuinely care and that's what scares people like Sonoda. For her, having an emotional attachment to anything is like the biggest weakness you could have."

Barely taking consolation in Nico's explanation that once again showed her one-sided perception of Umi, Nozomi mustered up a half-smile. "I suppose."

"So get up and let's go. I don't want to leave you here alone."

But right now, all Nozomi wanted was to be alone. She stood up. "Don't worry about me. I'll head to the student council room, no one will bother me there."

"What? What about Ayase?" Nico asked in disbelief. "She is known to spend the last minutes of her lunch break there so she can pop a pill in peace."

And Nozomi's facial features slackened in realization. So that was the reason why the blonde had unexpectedly showed up when Nozomi had assumed with certainty that she would be left alone in the student council room during lunch break yesterday. But one thing was still amiss.

"She didn't take one last time…" Nozomi whispered, unable to recall a moment where Eli could have consumed a pill when she had been caught up with belittling Nozomi for her naïve beliefs. But neither did the blonde seem to have been overly aggressive and irascible.

"I'm still going."

"You can't be serious, why would you do that to yourself?"

'Because I obviously don't know how to take care of myself,' Nozomi thought, but her answer spoken out loud sounded differently. "I can't be intimidated by her forever. Despite everything, she's just a normal person with no control over my life."

"Normal?" Nico repeated with a snort. "Ayase is a lot of things, but not normal." Sensing Nozomi's determination about confronting Eli, Nico sighed and ran a hand through her bangs. "I guess heading there is safer than sticking around here. Do you want me to go with you?"

"Thank you for offering, but it's better if no one outside the student council enters that room." Nozomi wondered why her mouth had automatically formed a lie that hadn't been necessary. Why couldn't she just tell Nico that she wanted to confront Eli alone?

Nico acknowledged Nozomi's decision with a reluctant nod. "Just don't do anything stupid, like try to appeal to Ayase's good side because there is none."

Nozomi smiled weakly, not feeling like replying because she didn't know herself whether she agreed or disagreed that Eli had no good side.

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a while since Kotori had last walked down this hallway, heading for the only place in Otonokizaka that was off limits for most of the student body. Located in the east wing of the main school building, the private music room offered a sound ambiance like in a concert hall with its tall ceilings and vast space. Despite the many square meters of premium wooden floor that could easily host two classrooms, only one white grand piano and a couple luxurious, antique armchairs occupied some of the space.

The large windows on the east wall stretched from the floor to the ceiling, allowing the maximum of sunlight to filter through and illuminate the polished surface of the grand piano. No single fleck of dust could be spotted on it, immediately wiped away by the cautious hands of a red-haired first year, who was the only student with a key to this room.

Letting her knuckles scrape against the door in almost an inaudible knock, Kotori almost changed her mind about entering the room. Not once had she left the room with more knowledge than before, but almost always with more confusion and hurt. But Maki was the closest thing to a source she had, and in her desperate state, she was willing to grasp after anything that could grant her understanding.

The double doors suddenly opened, revealing an unsurprised Maki on the other side. "Are you going to come in or not?"

"Excuse me for intruding," Kotori muttered, stepping into what was considered to be the only private territory on school grounds, owned by the Nishikinos.

Maki closed the door behind them, expectantly turning to Kotori. "It's been a while. But the way you knock hasn't changed at all. I would have missed it if I had been playing the piano." She gestured to one of the armchairs, indicating to Kotori that she may sit down. "I think I know why you're here. And I think you know what I'm going to say. That's something that hasn't changed either."

Sitting down and pressing her knees together in the proper manner she had been taught since she was eight, Kotori stared at her hands on her lap, mildly replying, "Even if you say so, I can't stop trying."

Maki let out a long breath. "Sounds like someone I know."

"Please," Kotori pleaded quietly, "even if you say that nothing has changed, I can feel that something did. Just this time, Maki, please! I swear I will never bother you again if you can just tell me what's going on because I don't think I can take it anymore."

"I…" Maki closed her mouth, clenching her teeth together. She hated feeling this torn. It should be an easy decision to let Kotori down because she was well versed in letting people down, but things were not that simple with the second year. Kotori was the only one besides Umi and Eli that Maki could consider a friend; in fact, she preferred Kotori's presence over Eli's any day.

School hadn't given them much of a chance to interact, made difficult by the fact that Umi was often around Maki and that Kotori had her own circle of friends that didn't seem to like Maki all that much. More specifically, her best friend Nico wouldn't be all that impressed about their friendship, which was one of the better guarded secrets of Otonokizaka.

"If you help me, I can help you," Kotori said, staring up at Maki with an imploring look. "Don't you want something to change too? Between you and Nico..."

Tensing up, Maki faced away, her fingers automatically reaching for her throat to scratch it absently. "There's nothing to change."

"You can't want that."

"There's a lot of things I don't want, but does that stop anyone from fucking me over?" Maki sank down in the armchair next Kotori. "Kotori, you're one of the few people I actually would feel sorry for if they fell down a cliff, so please, just leave things be. You can't change them."

The wrinkle between Kotori's eyebrows deepened. "So we both just have accept the loss of a best friend each?"

"She was never a friend," Maki muttered, "and you can't compare your situation with Umi to mine with Yazawa."

"How is it any different – you're both too stubborn to talk, you both are hiding things, making everything more complicated than it should be," Kotori said in exasperation. "Don't you think that we at least deserve some closure? If Umi really wants to cut me out of her life for good, don't you think I deserve to at least know why?"

Maki brushed her bangs back, letting her fingers stay buried in her hair. "I do think so. It's what I keep telling Umi."

"Then why -"

"It's not my place to meddle." Tired, Maki closed her eyes. "And Umi trusts me. Probably the only one who's foolish enough to trust me with her secrets."

Kotori reached over the armrests of their armchairs and lightly touched Maki's wrist. "I trust you."

Blinking her eyes open, Maki turned her head towards Kotori, who was offering her a small smile, subtle yet warm.

"That makes both of you the biggest idiots I've ever known," Maki said earnestly. The corners of her mouth twitched as if she was struggling not to smile when Kotori's brows lifted in indignation.

"Fine," Kotori crossed her arms. "Secret for a secret, that's more your case, isn't it? If you give me a hint explaining Umi's recent behavior, I'll tell you what Nico truly thinks about you."

Watching Maki's facial muscles tensing, Kotori knew that one more push was needed. "And I can assure you, it's not what you believe it might be."

"I'm not," Maki struggled with herself, "I'm not going to sell Umi out. You can have anyone else's secret, I don't care, but just let me keep this one thing that doesn't make me feel like a total asshole."

"You aren't an - you aren't a bad person. I don't know why you want everyone to think you are, but you are not. So why don't we both stop our pretenses for one minute?"

It was the tremble in Kotori's voice that smoothed out the sharp edges around Maki's eyes. "I'll only tell you what you need to know and no more than that."

"That is fair," Kotori agreed quietly. "The same goes for you. I don't plan to say anything that is Nico's choice to reveal."

"So what is it that you want to know," Maki muttered.

Taking a deep breath, Kotori allowed herself a moment to carefully deliberate her question. After so many times of pleading Maki to uncover the secrets surrounding Umi, she finally had succeeded. She knew that this was her first and last chance. "I only need one confirmation." She felt her throat getting dry. "Everything that Umi's been doing, is she doing it for the school…or for me?"

Maki sat up straight in her armchair, furrowing her brows as she stared at Kotori in disbelief. "You already know?"

One corner of Kotori's lip curled up in a humorless smile. "I'm not stupid. I can do my own research."

"But if you know…" Maki held her forehead. "Then why did you never say anything?"

"Why did _you_ never say anything? Why did Umi never say anything?" Kotori's voice lacked strength. "Her silence made me believe the cruelest things...and your silence made it worse."

"I," Maki averted her eyes. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"I don't need you to say sorry," Kotori searched for Maki's eye contact, who uncomfortably shifted in her seat. "I only need you to answer me. Is it the school or me that she's trying to save out of some misguided perception of responsibility?"

Maki didn't raise her gaze above Kotori's chin. "This school…is something that Umi couldn't care less about."

Kotori sharply inhaled. "Thank you. That's all I wanted to know."

"I don't understand," Maki shook her head, "how long have you known her plans? Why didn't you stop Umi from this madness? No matter what I say, she thinks she's doing the right thing, but if you told her, she might stop."

Standing up, Kotori smoothed out her skirt. "I told you. Her silence made me believe anything, even the worst scenarios. I didn't make the connection until…until she agreed to go out with Ishikii and broke up with Sumitomo."

Whether it was the bitterness strangling Kotori's voice or the own ache spreading in Maki's heart, the first year suddenly felt prompted to clarify, "That's not the nature of their relationships. You know how it is."

"Do I?" Kotori's sad smile made Maki's skin crawl. "Because I'm not so sure of anything anymore."

"She's doing it for you!" Maki didn't know why she was trying to defend Umi, using the same excuse the second year had given when Maki had confronted her about it. "Yes, there could have been a million better ways to handle it, and believe me, I told her that myself a million times. But you know Umi, she never thinks about herself. She does what she believes will benefit the greatest number of people."

"Then I don't seem to be in that number," Kotori said quietly. She turned towards the door. "Thank you, Maki. To hold my end of the bargain, I can tell you this much," she paused, looking over her shoulder to Maki with a small smile. "Nico still uses your first name when she's not paying attention."

Exiting the room before she could be made to stay, Kotori left behind a stunned Maki, who didn't get up from her armchair for a while after that.

 

* * *

 

 

This time, Nozomi was prepared. Sitting at her usual place by the windows, she hardly flinched when Eli forcefully pushed the door open and stepped into the room with heavy footsteps that came to a stop when the blonde caught sight of Nozomi.

"I'm not even going to question why you are here," Eli said through gritted teeth. "But you need to leave. I've already dismissed you as vice president, don't tell me you are already suffering memory losses."

Bracing herself, Nozomi replied as calm as she could, "The one month isn't over." Her legs were nervously bouncing beneath the table. "I'd like to not disappoint Principal Minami."

Scanning her with narrowed eyes, Eli slowly said, "And for that, you would even stay here?"

Nozomi placed her hands on her thighs to stop her legs from restlessly moving. "This seems to be the case as I am still here."

"Don't get smartass on me," Eli grunted. Her hand brushed the outside of her blazer pocket without reaching inside to retrieve what Nozomi was certain to be a pill bottle. "Tojo, I'm willing to overlook your growing insolence in light of the recent things that have happened, but I advise you not to push it." Eli stiffly moved to her seat. "Just for today, I will allow it."

That went better than she had expected, Nozomi thought, trying not to stare too obviously when she watched Eli sitting down in her usual chair. The blonde seemed to be struggling with something, not knowing where to place her arms and hands, only coming to a rest when she crossed them. But even then, her expression seemed to be tortured, and Nozomi could see the muscles in Eli's jaw working, tensing up every second.

Nozomi couldn't ignore her like this. "Are you – are you okay?"

But Eli had less inhibitions about ignoring Nozomi, pulling out some student council paper work from the drawers to busy herself when keeping still didn't work for her.

But the longer Nozomi watched her, the clearer it became to her; Eli was suffering from the side effects of not having taken a pill in a while. The wrinkles on her face were deepening as frustration increasingly took over her entire body until she finally snapped when she caught Nozomi looking at her.

"What's so interesting about my face, Tojo?" Eli had unknowingly crumpled a page of her work beneath her hands.

Nozomi averted her eyes, unable to hold the intense gaze with blue eyes that were slowly losing their focus, burning with more furious energy than they could handle. "If you were to take your pills, I wouldn't tell anyone."

But it only seemed to infuriate Eli even more. "Do you think I'm an addict that can't do without?"

"I didn't say that," Nozomi carefully replied, "but you seem to be feeling unwell…"

"I know damn well how I seem to you," Eli growled, twitchy hands running through her bangs that were getting messier with every stroke. "Just had a few restless nights in a row."

Unsure, Nozomi shifted her gaze to a point beneath Eli's eyes, watching her lips quivering. "You don't have to force yourself."

"Tojo, don't," Eli pressed out between gritted teeth, "don't test me."

Nozomi's hands on her lap curled into fists. "How long do you think you can keep up like this?"

Eli's wild gaze couldn't stay focused on Nozomi's face, and she let out a low, frustrated sound. "I'm not…I'm not addicted, so stop talking to me like I need it, Tojo."

"But you obviously can't do without," Nozomi said in exasperation, wondering why Eli was willing to endure more suffering just to prove a point to her. "You can't just suddenly stop taking them!"

"Don't tell me what I fucking can't do!" Eli shouted, shoving her paper work aside in a furious motion. "I was doing fine until you decided to stick your nose in my business. Do you know how many days I've already gone without it?"

Eyes widening, Nozomi watched Eli pushing herself up to her feet and stagger over to a trash can, pulling out the bottle that was supposed to be the source of her relief. With shaking hands, Eli opened it and turned it on its head, emptying its entire content.

Nozomi speechlessly watched about a dozen translucent pills falling into a trash can that was already half-filled with paper trash. After the last pill got lost inside the mess of dismissed paper work, the bottle followed.

"I don't need it," Eli whispered tonelessly. "Tojo, I'll take out the trash. Class should be starting soon, so I won't come back here."

Still shocked, Nozomi slowly nodded but she didn't think that Eli had seen her, staggering out of the room like a rusty mechanical figure.

She wouldn't interpret her stomach churning as worry over Eli, but Nozomi couldn't leave her be. She didn't understand why the blonde would suddenly do a rash decision like this, just to prove to Nozomi that she could do without the drugs.

Nozomi hurried to the classroom where her next class would be, not because she was eager to be the first one to arrive, but because it happened to be a classroom located on the west side of the second floor. From there, she would be able to get a look at the dumpsters if she leaned out of the window and craned her neck down. She wanted to see if Eli truly intended to get rid of those pills that could put her under a calming trance.

And really, there she was, standing before the dumpsters, frozen in place as she seemed to be unable to do the last step and empty the trash can.

Nozomi's lips parted in a whisper, "Eli…"

The blonde suddenly shook her head in jerky motions like she was trying to clear her mind of intrusive thoughts, and she turned the trash can upside down, pouring all its content into the dumpster. Without lingering, she marched back inside the school building.

Releasing a relieved sigh, Nozomi stepped away from the window and took her usual seat. She was glad to find her bag still there and intact, with nothing strange spilled inside it.

As the lunch break neared its end, one student after the other trickled in, until Nico entered the room with a gloomy look.

"What's wrong?" Nozomi asked worriedly.

"We couldn't find Kotori," Nico muttered as she sank down in her seat in front of Nozomi, turning to her friend. "When Honoka texted her, she just said she's fine and spending the rest of her break with another friend." Furrowing her brows, Nico continued, "I mean, Kotori certainly gets along with more people than we do, but it's still a surprise when she hangs out with people outside of us…well, I guess we can't project our own anti-socialness onto everyone."

Despite being curious herself about who that other friend might be, Nozomi found it less strange that Kotori had a larger circle of friends. She would have replied with her own thoughts, but her eyes caught a flash of blonde hair, and sure enough, Eli had entered the classroom, causing the entire room to instantly fall silent.

"Yikes," Nico mumbled upon seeing her, and Nozomi knew what she meant even without elaborating.

Eli looked miserable. Her expression, which was usually an icy mask, had lost all of its edges, showing exhausted lines on her face.

No one dared to even whisper to gossip about Eli's appearance as it was dead quiet in the classroom and any sound would be heard by the student council president. Soon, the teacher arrived and began with their class, and all speculations had to stay as mere thoughts, saved for later discussions.

Finding her eyes occasionally straying to Eli's back, Nozomi wondered how it had to feel to be off those calming drugs that was said to have a numbing sensation. With Maki's vague explanation, Nozomi still wasn't entirely how those pills worked and what exactly they changed inside a human's brain. She just hoped that whatever it was, it wasn't permanently damaging and irreversible.

"Yes, Ayase?" the teacher suddenly said, their voice immediately dimming down to a polite and quiet tone.

Eli, with a shaky hand halfway up in the air, pressed out between gritted teeth, "I'd like to be excused for the rest of the lesson."

"Of course," the teacher granted her wish without questioning her.

Ignoring the curious stares following her every move, Eli stood up, took her bag and stiffly marched out of the classroom.

"This is bullshit," Nico muttered beneath her breath.

Nozomi herself couldn't suppress her thoughts, involuntary words escaping her mouth before she could take them back, "She looked very sick, shouldn't someone accompany her to the infirmary?"

Dead silent, the entire class turned to stare at her in disbelief, even Nico frowned at Nozomi, having no understanding at all for her question. The teacher furrowed their brows. "I'm sure Ayase appreciates your concern, Tojo, but she also wouldn't want anyone else to miss their class."

"Then whose responsibility will it be when she loses consciousness or needs immediate help?"

The teacher's expression stiffened, having been forced to dread the scenario of holding responsibility for Ayase Eli's well-being. "I suppose it would take a disagreeable course if that were to happen. Well then, I'll send someone to look after her. Any volunteers?"

Every single student tensed up and made themselves smaller in their seat, avoiding eye-contact with the teacher. No one was too thrilled about being tasked with this heavy burden of responsibility, especially not if Eli was involved.

"Well, Tojo, since you were the one who suggested it, then I assume you are prepared to volunteer?"

Biting her tongue, Nozomi refrained from shaking her head, knowing that it was she herself who had messed up again. The nauseous feeling in her stomach had warned her of going too far ahead of herself and she had ignored it like the hundred times before.

Pushing herself up to her feet, Nozomi focused on not tripping as she headed towards the door, feeling weirdly conscious of the way she walked with everyone's eyes on her.

How would she know which way Eli had gone? How could she make sure that Eli hadn't already left school grounds?

Nozomi regretted ever saying a word. A bitter part of her felt that the blonde deserved to suffer after all the self-doubt she had put Nozomi through. Why did she even care if Eli was okay, wouldn't it benefit her more if Eli was too sick to go to school at all?

But that wasn't who Nozomi was. Wishing for anyone to suffer was not part of who she could agree to be.

"Where…"

Nozomi was lost. Both literally and metaphorically. She didn't recognize this part of the school grounds and neither did she know what to do if she were to find Eli. A direct confrontation hadn't turned out well last time.

Her surroundings were somewhat familiar, but not enough to call up a memory to tell her where she was. She stood still when she thought to have heard a sound. A dull thud, short and hollow. Nozomi remembered that sound from somewhere, it had to be close. Another thud followed and Nozomi's eyes widened with hope.

She quickly followed down a path made of mosaics until she saw the brown hut of the archery range. Carefully nearing the shooting platform so she wouldn't startle the person currently shooting, Nozomi noticed with awe how graceful Sonoda Umi looked when she drew an arrow and took aim, body as still as a statue. Upon releasing the bow string, the arrow tore through the air with a sharp whistle and hit the bull's eye.

"Shouldn't you be in class," Umi said without looking at her new and only spectator, drawing another arrow.

Nozomi linked her hands behind her back. "Shouldn't you be too?"

Umi didn't reply or react to her, making her wonder if their talk in the cafeteria was still on Umi's mind. Was Umi someone to hold grudges?

With bow in position and string drawn, she calmly held the stance for a few seconds, optimizing her calculations before her thumb, pointer finger and middle finger released the arrow, landing another bull's eye hit.

"As chance would have it, my class was cancelled."

Deciding not to question her as it wasn't her priority, Nozomi simply nodded, and watched Umi shooting another perfect arrow. It might be much to ask help from her, but if Umi really was Eli's friend, then she would want to know and help too.

"E – Ayase threw away her pills."

"Excuse me?" Umi lowered her bow and turned towards Nozomi with a frown.

Finally having Umi's attention, Nozomi swallowed and faced the other girl as openly as she could.

"She threw away her bottle of pills of which I assume has been a medicine provided by Nishikino."

Umi's frown deepened. "How do you know of all this? How do you know of the pills?"

Nozomi avoided Umi's intense gaze. "Nishikino herself told me."

"Maki?" Umi mumbled. "Why would she…" Shaking her head, she continued, "Anyway, are you sure that's what Eli did?"

Nodding, Nozomi said, "And this is why I'm here, she is not herself right now. She left class and I was sent to find her, but I don't know where to start."

Umi immediately picked up her archery equipment and headed towards the changing rooms.

Uncertain if she was allowed to follow, Nozomi hesitantly trailed after her and lingered outside the door of the changing rooms, deciding to wait for Umi to appear again.

"Tojo." She startled when Umi reappeared, holding the door open for her, gesturing for her to walk inside.

"Thank you," Nozomi mumbled, entering the changing room. "I didn't know who else to ask for help."

"No, you made the right choice," Umi said, slipping out of her archery uniform, "it was good of you to come to me."

Eyes widening when Nozomi realized that Umi had no restraints about changing clothes in front of her, she forced herself to act casual about it as well, keeping her gaze on Umi's face instead of anything beneath.

"Do you know what prompted Eli to make such a rash decision?" Umi asked, buttoning up her shirt and hanging her tie around her neck.

"I…" Nozomi wondered if she should include her own involuntary role in provoking Eli to make that desperate decision. "We were in the student council room, and she seemed to get restless, so I told her that I would look away if she took her pills. She…didn't take it very well."

Sighing, Umi rubbed her eyes. "So she wanted to make a point by proving that she is not affected."

Nozomi nodded slowly, unsure if more of her explanation was needed. Umi seemed to have a good picture of what had happened even without her elaborating.

After slipping into her blazer and putting away her archery equipment into a locker, Umi seemed to be done with changing. "Tojo, I thank you for notifying me. But from this point on, it's best if you stay uninvolved."

"But the teacher sent me-"

"Then you will tell them that I took care of things," Umi said, a cold breeze of authority slipping into her voice that had been fairly warm towards Nozomi before.

Staring up in hard amber eyes, Nozomi bit the insides of her cheeks. She had pride too, and it didn't agree with being commanded around by someone younger than her. "As a student council member, it's in my interest to know of her well-being too."

Umi furrowed her brows, scanning Nozomi's face for any indication of how serious she was. "Tojo, you can't convince me that Eli has been treating you well enough to deserve such a reaction."

Nozomi swallowed. "Whether she deserves it or not, she still needs help. And I'm the one who provoked her to make such a decision…"

"No, you are not," Umi countered so forcefully that it startled Nozomi to see amber eyes flaring up with heat, "whatever Eli did, it was her own decision. You have no part in this. And I prefer to keep it this way, so I ask you again not to get involved."

"I already am," Nozomi whispered with a weak smile and it made Umi's hard expression crumble. "Please, we are just wasting time here."

Umi shortly closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. "Just explain to me one thing." She scrutinized Nozomi's face. "Why do you care? Why can't you leave us alone?" She was referring to herself, Eli and Maki.

Sucking in her bottom lip, Nozomi avoided Umi's piercing gaze. It was a question she had often asked herself. "Maybe I'm unable to ignore people who are hurting."

"Is that how you see us?" Umi whispered, bitterness slipping into her voice. "Do we seem that helpless to you?"

"No," Nozomi mumbled, staring at one of the golden buttons on Umi's blazer. It was shiny, engraved with the school crest. "I just believe that you have been pushed into roles that you never meant to fulfill."

Umi's jaw tensed. "Is that so?"

Nozomi finally lifted up her head to meet Umi's gaze. "I do think so. Or do you take pride in belonging to the Iron Three?"

A scoffing sound escaped Umi's tightly drawn lips, "So you've heard of this ridiculous term as well. Only fools would be quick to simplify our relationship like this."

"Then you agree that most of the students have the wrong perception of you?" Nozomi asked.

Wrinkling her eyebrows, Umi's answer came delayed. "Perhaps."

Frustrated, Nozomi decided to go one step further, despite all the warning bells going off inside her head. "Then, did I have the wrong perception of you when I thought of you as a good person?"

Umi's expression froze. "Tojo…"

"I really thought so," Nozomi whispered, "but good people wouldn't deliberately make bad decisions. Because then they become the people who only think they are good when they actually do more harm."

"Are you implying that I'm…" A pained expression flitted across Umi's face and she clenched her teeth, not continuing her sentence.

Nozomi felt her own stomach twisting at seeing the miserable look in Umi's eyes. She didn't think she had ever seen this much variety of emotions on the second year's face in such a short time. "Sometimes saying and thinking you are doing the right thing doesn't make it right. Because your actions never affect you alone. And the moment they hurt someone else, you might need to reconsider what doing the right thing even means to you."

"How do you even know what I'm trying to do-"

"I don't, but everyone can tell that it can't be the right thing," Nozomi interrupted without force, surprised herself that Umi let her. "You're hurting Kotori. Whatever that is happening right now, you are hurting her with it. Please, only you can make it stop."

Holding her breath, Nozomi watched Umi battling her own inner demons as she struggled for an answer, a tortured look in her eyes.

"Let's not," Umi turned away from her, "let's not talk about it right now. We still need to find Eli first."

Nozomi had been so close to getting through her, just a little bit more and she might have gotten somewhere. But Umi was also right, finding Eli had to take priorities now. As mentally unstable as the blonde was, she couldn't be left alone without supervision.

"So where do we start?" Nozomi asked quietly, resigning to the fact that Umi's case had to rest for the time-being in favor of solving Eli's.

Taking a deep breath, Umi seemed to take a few seconds to compose herself before she turned back around to Nozomi, with her usual guarded expression back in place. Nozomi couldn't help feeling hurt that Umi would put on a mask in front of her again.

"I might have an idea."

 

* * *

 

 

In her two months of attending Otonokizaka, not once had Nozomi visited the auditorium. Just like the rest of the school facilities, the auditorium boasted with a vast space and premium equipment, easily measurable with a concert hall in the cities.

The lights were out, the auditorium was dark, only a dim light behind the drawn curtains suggested a person being present.

"Eli," Umi called out as she and Nozomi approached the stage, "Eli, I know you're there."

"Leave," a strangled voice croaked out, "I want to be alone."

"If you did, you would have searched for a better hiding place," Umi replied calmly. She effortlessly jumped onto the high stage and turned around to offer Nozomi a hand, swiftly pulling her up as well.

"Just leave…"

Nozomi wouldn't have recognized Eli's voice if she didn't know it was her. Feeble and desperate, it sounded nothing like the icy tone of authority Eli usually used.

Umi pushed the heavy, red curtains aside and let Nozomi walk past first before pulling them close again.

One dim stage light was on, illuminating the stage just enough to make out silhouettes, but no blonde was to be found. Nozomi hesitantly called out, "Where are you?"

Silence, then, "To…jo?"

"Yes," Nozomi quietly replied, straining her ears to locate Eli. She walked further towards the back of the stage. "Are you okay?"

"Don't come near me!" Intended to be a shout, it came off far too weak to hold any force or intimidation.

"Tojo," Umi muttered, pointing to the side of the stage where actors would wait for their cue and directors watch over the play.

They carefully neared the exit of the stage, slowing down their steps so their eyes would get used to the dark.

"Eli," Umi muttered, "let's get you home."

"I don't have one," came the weak reply. Defeated, bitter. Nozomi found that tone more disturbing than any of Eli's angry outbursts.

"Please," Nozomi begged quietly, "let us help you."

"Help?" A humorless chuckle echoed. "How can you help me?"

"I don't know unless you let us," Nozomi said. She startled when a hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up to see Umi gesturing to a specific point on the ground in front of them. Squinting her eyes, Nozomi could barely distinguish blonde hair reflecting the little bit of light there was. Eli had to be either sitting or lying on the floor.

"Eli, we are worried," Umi muttered cautiously, not taking a step further.

"We? As in you and Tojo? Why would she care? And why is she with you?"

"She only wants to help. She was the one who came to me to find you."

"Feel good now, Tojo? Coming here to humiliate me?" A bitter laugh followed.

Nozomi didn't respond, instead approaching the place where she assumed Eli to be, ignoring Umi's warning touch. With her eyes now used to the dark, she could recognize the outline of Eli's figure and even see her face. The blonde was sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest, arms hugging them.

"What – what are you doing?" Eli hissed when she realized who was in front of her, scrambling backwards but her back hit the wall.

Lowering on her knees, Nozomi kept her distance while still remained close enough to be eye to eye with Eli. Somehow, it felt like she was dealing with a cornered animal. "To answer your question, I don't feel good about your misery. But neither am I so forgiving that I would want to help anyone who treated me the way you did."

Eli's chest was rapidly heaving and sinking. "Then why are you here, why did you offer empty words of help like everyone else does-"

"I never said you don't deserve help," Nozomi whispered. "You might not deserve it from me, but don't be so prideful to not accept it from Umi."

"You still dare to use her first name-"

"It’s fine," Umi cut her off, taking a step closer. "I've never liked being addressed by my last name. It made me feel like I'm my father." She paused, her voice became a pitch lower. "But you know that feeling, don't you? And you hate it just as much as I do."

Eli's eyes widened, and she tried once again to push backwards, but the wall hindered her attempt to back away. Trying to run past Nozomi or Umi would be futile, and she was getting restless. "You don't know a thing."

"I know enough," Umi calmly said. "After all, our families have been guarding each other's secrets for decades of years. It's a symbol of our trust."

Eli let out a shaky, nervous laugh. "It's a symbol of mutual control if anything. You know enough to take us down, but so do we. But as long as we keep our dirty secrets for each other, we'll both be fine, right? Isn't that how our families have functioned for decades?"

"So is that how you see our friendship too?"

The hurt tone wasn't lost on Nozomi, who carefully watched Eli's face for a reaction. Would Eli go so far to push even her best friend away?

"It…it doesn't matter what I see," Eli whispered, hugging her knees tighter to her chest.

"Why?" Nozomi breathed gently as not to scare the other girl.

Eli didn't reply, closing her eyes, taking shaky breaths.

"Eli." Umi kneed down in front of her, next to Nozomi, and stretched out her open palm, causing Nozomi to gasp when she saw the transparent sachet containing a few translucent pills on it. "You need to come off it slowly and not suddenly stop altogether."

Blue eyes widening when they focused on the sachet on Umi's palm, Eli's shoulders tensed. "I don't need it," she hissed, moving to slap Umi's hand away, but was easily dodged. "Why do you of all people still have some?"

"Because I knew you would someday come to realize that you can't rely on these forever," Umi said. "And I knew you would do it in the only way you know how to. All or nothing." She held up the sachet again. "So I took the liberty of preserving a few in case you decided to take the rough path to punish yourself. Which you did. You always do."

"Shut up," Eli raised her voice, but couldn't add more weight to her words, sounding weak in her attempt to get Umi to stop talking.

Nozomi didn't realize she had been holding her breath until she felt her heart pounding painfully inside her chest. "Punish yourself?"

"That's right," Umi muttered, "Eli is no fool. She knew exactly what this would do to her, and yet she did it. In a warped perception of justice."

"Shut up," Eli weakly repeated, "don't bring Tojo into this."

"She already is and you’re the one who let her," Umi replied calmly. "Give up the charade."

Eli's lips twitched into a sad smile. "Then you give up yours first. About saving Otonokizaka. We both know you're just deluding yourself."

"I'm not…" Umi's expression hardened. "This isn't about me."

"It never is, is it?" Eli whispered, eyes getting droopy. Her exhaustion seemed to be taking over her.

"We're taking you to the infirmary," Umi said in a final tone, taking Eli's left arm and forcefully pulling her weak body up. "Tojo, grab her other arm."

Startling at the order, Nozomi hesitantly gazed at Eli, whose consciousness seemed to be fading in and out, eyes blinking rapidly to stay open. When no protest came, Nozomi grasped Eli's right arm and kept the blonde from toppling over as they made their way towards the infirmary.

"Tojo," Eli muttered, half-conscious as she was stumblingly pulled along with them, "why do you…never look…me in the eyes…"

"Eh?" Nozomi tightened her grip on Eli's arm when she almost fell over. Umi seemed to do the same and pretended to not have heard Eli's question, staring straight ahead.

"When you talk…to me…you don't look at me…" Eli's lips were barely moving.

"I…I do look at you," Nozomi slowly answered, unsure where this was going.

"But never…in my eyes…"

Nozomi swallowed. How honest did she want to be with Eli in this state? "It's because…you scare me."

Eli's empty gaze drifted towards her before going out of focus. "I see…but you don't hate me?"

"I..." Nozomi paused shortly. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Eli turned her head to Umi, mumbling to her, "She doesn't know, did you hear? I gave her enough reasons to and she doesn't know whether she hates me. Isn't that hilarious."

"I don't see how," Umi said tensely, but her expression told Nozomi that she already had an idea.

"She doesn't hate me though she has any reason to," Eli muttered, chuckling to herself. "But others hate me for simply existing. Can't stand to see me. Can't bear to look me in the eyes…"

Nozomi watched Eli's eyes slowly giving in to the fatigue, remaining closed for longer periods of time before blinking wide open in shock. Holding her up was getting more difficult with every second as she had stopped supporting herself, body weight transferring onto them.

"We're there," Umi breathed in relief when they arrived at the infirmary. A young nurse quickly hurried towards them, helping them to carry a passed out Eli to an empty bed.

"She seems to be fine," the nurse said after measuring Eli's pulse and feeling her skin. "Just extreme state of fatigue. Must have been awake for two days at least."

"No," Nozomi covered her mouth, staring at the sleeping blonde in disbelief. She looked so uncharacteristically peaceful now, a contrast to her mental state. "I couldn't tell at all."

"Well," Umi reached out and used a thumb to brush beneath Eli's eyes, smudging her fingertip when she rubbed a thick layer of make-up off, revealing dark skin beneath it. "You're not the only one."

"Simply letting her rest would be the best choice," the nurse said. "You can go back to your classes, I will be taking care of her."

But Umi didn't move, eyebrows furrowing in worry as she watched Eli's sleeping face. "I'd like to stay for just a few minutes longer."

Even though it was going against her protocol, the nurse seemed to know exactly who she had in front of her, so she reluctantly nodded. "Of course, Ms Sonoda." Turning to Nozomi, she hesitantly asked, "And you?" as if she already knew what Nozomi and Umi were going to say next.

"I'd like to stay too if it's okay with Umi."

And when Umi nodded, the nurse had no choice but to accept it, and she walked back to her desk on the other side of the room to give them some privacy.

Umi drew the curtains around them close while Nozomi stared at the dark circles beneath Eli's eyes.

Just what was going on?

"I don't think I have to ask you to keep what happened between us," Umi said quietly, catching her gaze. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Nozomi slowly looked up at her. "What does 'that' mean? What is happening to her…what is happening to you?"

Umi dodged her gaze. "There's no use in trifling you with our problems. I'm certain you have your own share of burden to stem."

It wasn't untrue, and yet Nozomi couldn't be satisfied by that answer. Was it simple curiosity or genuine worry that made her want to learn more about their world?

"Why does Eli care so much about me not looking into her eyes?"

When Umi didn't answer, Nozomi went against her own boundaries and touched Umi's arm, forcing the taller girl to look at her. "What did she mean when she said it's hilarious that I don't know whether I hate her?"

"I'm in no position to tell you," Umi muttered, lowering her gaze. "Maybe one day, you can ask her yourself."

Dejected, Nozomi slowly let go of Umi's arm but startled when warm fingers grasped her retracting hand.

"Tojo, we," Umi's expression was torn, "we appreciate what you are trying to do, but there is nothing you can change. We grew up with a different set of morals. A different system of ideals. A different perspective of everything surrounding us." She let out a long breath. "Even if we'd like to, we can't escape the roles we're born into because our environment keeps defining them for us."

"Even so," Nozomi swallowed, closing her fingers around Umi's hand, "even so, there must be _something_ you can do."

"There always is," Umi whispered with a wistful smile. "And the answer can be quite simple actually. But it often comes with a price that none of us are ready to pay – not brave enough to pay."

Nozomi's eyes lingered on the soft hand grasping her own. "So you are fine like this?"

"We will be."

"I see." Nozomi wanted to pull her hand away, but Umi slightly tightened her grip without hurting her, just enough to signal that there was one more thing she wanted to say before Nozomi left.

"You have every right to think of us as cowards," Umi muttered, "and I will take it as long as you don't think of us as the Iron Three. We may have gotten that name because of our families, but our hearts certainly aren't made of the same material. Please don't forget that."

Letting go of Nozomi's hand, Umi's chest slowly heaved in a deep intake of breath. She turned to face Eli, her back shielding the blonde from Nozomi's view.

Nozomi understood that her visit time was over. She glanced at Umi's back with a sad look before she left, walking back to her class with heavy steps and an exhausted mind.

_Just what am I trying to do here?_

 


	7. Magnetic Heart

 

 

“Tojo, you really never learn.”

That was something Nozomi couldn’t quite disagree with.

She didn’t move from her position on the bench in the vast school yard, only acknowledging the person sitting down next to her with a subtle tilt of her head.

“But I do have come to respect your courage. Albeit a bit foolish with quite a portion of naivety, it’s still somewhat solid in its conviction.” Long, slender fingers brushed through red hair, pushing bangs aside to reveal purple bright eyes. “Umi told me everything about yesterday. About how you helped Ayase. If it wasn’t Umi who told me that, I wouldn’t have believed it. Or maybe I would have, considering it’s you, Tojo. Well, whatever it is that you did, Ayase didn’t feel like showing up today.”

Nozomi pulled up her feet on the bench and hugged her knees close to her chest. She had nothing to say.

“By the way, you’re still sitting on my bench.” Maki yawned. “Or did you sit down here because you felt a bit nostalgic about your first day here?”

Not wanting to be reminded of how they first met, Nozomi inched away from Maki, sitting on the far edge of the bench.

“Oh, come on, still sore about that?” Maki spread out her arms on the backrest of the bench, getting one arm behind Nozomi’s shoulder in the process. “I already said sorry, didn’t I?”

Nozomi gave her a sharp look.

“Right, I never did,” Maki nodded to herself, somewhat amused over Nozomi’s silent treatment of her. “Hey, Tojo, do you want me to apologize for that day?”

It would be nice, Nozomi thought, but it wasn’t what she needed right now. She rested her chin on her knees.

“Okay, I take it as a yes.” Maki furrowed her brows. “Geez, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be apologizing for. Sorry for being honest? I mean, you were sitting on my bench – still are, by the way. And okay, maybe I got a little bit pissy because I had a bad day, but I let you live. Isn’t that something? No?”

The third year reacted with more silence.

“God, you’re really working me hard here, Tojo.” Maki was getting increasingly more frustrated. “You should know that I’m making a total fool out of myself by talking to you. Not necessarily because you’re you, but because even though you’re you, you’re totally ignoring me. Tojo Nozomi, the only person dumb enough to not leave people alone, is making me look like an ass. Even talking to a brick wall would have a better resonance.”

Nozomi suppressed a snort. But she wasn’t going to give in any time soon. Pretending to be still upset, Nozomi turned her head the other way, facing away from Maki.

“Really? You’re really going to keep playing?” Maki clicked with her tongue. “You hang out with Umi for like more than ten minutes and suddenly you’re too good for me?”

Biting on the insides of her cheeks to refrain from laughing, Nozomi was almost certain that Maki was now using humor to elicit a reaction.

“Oi, Tojo,” Maki repeatedly poked Nozomi’s shoulder, “I can tell that you want to get some of that Sonoda gold, and I’m not talking about her fortune.”

This time, Nozomi couldn’t suppress a reaction, her head spinning around to Maki. “I do not.”

“Hm, that’s exactly what someone who does would say,” Maki said with a smirk. “How come I only get a reaction when it’s about Umi?”

Nozomi didn’t know either and she didn’t want to explain it, neither to Maki nor to herself. She reverted back to staying silent.

“Hey.” Maki’s voice had gotten quieter. It had lost the teasing edge.

“Tojo, why do you even bother with us?”

Nozomi slowly lifted her head and turned to face Maki, gazing at a lost expression. Her own shouldn’t look that much different. “I don’t know.”

Everyone kept asking her why she even cared, and she honestly had lost sight of what was motivating her to keep putting herself in the line of fire just to ease the ache for someone else. It had long ago stopped giving her a rewarding feeling. Her selflessness had never rewarded her with anything.

“You try so hard,” Maki muttered. “You try so hard and for what? You know we can’t give you anything back. But you keep coming back. What makes you come back?”

Nozomi swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Not too long ago, she had thought she did. She had thought she was doing the right thing. But after that talk with Umi, she realized that she didn’t possess the power to change anything, there was no weight behind her actions, she alone couldn’t cause any lasting effects at all. She really tried to help and she offered it a thousand times, but none of that reached the people she wanted to help. Because they weren’t letting her.

“Tojo, in the past few weeks, I figured out a few things.” Maki lifted her hand and touched her throat, but didn’t scratch it. “First, my homeroom teacher is probably having an affair with the janitor. Second, my left arm is one centimeter longer than my right arm. And third,” Maki paused, glancing at Nozomi, “you’re not half bad.”

Suppressing a grin, Nozomi ducked her head and faced away. “Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about you.”

Crossing her arms behind her head, Maki shrugged. “Would be a shame if you did because then your judgment would be worse than I thought.”

At least Maki seemed to acknowledge her at times insufferable character, Nozomi thought, mumbling, “I’m not sure what to think about your contradictions. Sometimes you don’t talk very highly of yourself, other times you are…well, you.”

Shrugging, Maki replied with a yawn, “It’s hard to ignore your own flaws when people keep pointing them out to you all the time, so yeah, I sometimes use the public’s opinion as a reference. Not that it changes my own, I’m great. I’ve got both looks and talents.”

Nozomi’s incredulous gaze bounced off Maki’s careless demeanor.

“You see, Tojo, when you look at me like that, I also have to think about the contradiction you embody,” Maki said, tilting her head back to stare at the sky above.

“I’m sorry?” Nozomi asked in confusion. Since when was it about her?

“Just now, you obviously held me for an arrogant ass when I said about myself that I’m great. You don’t think that statement is true, or at least it you don’t think it should be stated by myself.” A humorless smile appeared on Maki’s face as she slowly turned to look at Nozomi. “Am I only great when you tell me that? Does it bother you that I don’t need your reassurance? You want to help me feel better, but can’t accept it if I already do without you.”

“I didn’t…” Nozomi bit on her tongue, inexplicably feeling mortified at the thought of having subconsciously done what Maki had accused her of. She wanted to shake the feeling off, saying to herself that Maki being Maki was just trying to mess with her head again, but she couldn’t help but overthink it.

She would have been ready to tell Maki that she deserved all good things. She would have been ready to comfort her if the first year had come to her ridden with doubt. She would have even been ready to tell Maki that deep down, she was a good person.

But Maki didn’t need her comfort. She said what Nozomi would have said, and suddenly it made a difference. But it shouldn’t have.

“Did I really…?” Nozomi’s voice was faint.

“Yeah.” Maki’s expression softened when she saw the realization and regret on Nozomi’s face. “This is why helping people is dangerous, Tojo. We all like to believe that it’s some selfless act of love. But we’re humans and we’re greedy and we almost always expect something in return for our efforts.”

“I don’t want your money if that’s what you’re getting at-“

“No one’s talking about material things. That’s worthless.” Maki’s tongue peeked out to wet her lips. “When we help someone, we want them to like us. To think good of us. We want an emotional reward. In most cases, satisfaction and superiority.”

Nozomi’s expression twisted in disgust and sadness at the same time. She couldn’t begin to fathom the world Maki had grown up in to have such cynical views. “That may be the case for few, selfish people. But have you ever considered the option that people help because they care?”

“Oh, I never said that people don’t,” Maki brushed her bangs to the side, raising an eyebrow at Nozomi. “They care about how they would look like in front of others for denying help. They care about acting morally good to save face in society. But rarely do they care about the person who they are only helping to make themselves feel better.”

It felt like a déjà vu despite none of the words sounding similar to anything Nozomi had heard in the past. But the tone, the look, the hopelessness it evoked in Nozomi; she had seen and felt all that before with Maki. The first year had a mature face for her age to begin with, but whenever she spoke of a world so foreign and dark, no bit of childlike resemblance was left. Nozomi’s heart was aching.

“Maybe you’re right,” Nozomi whispered, “maybe I do have another reason for trying to help you.”

Tensing up, Maki’s eyes flitted to Nozomi. “So you finally admit that there’s an ulterior motive. What is it that you want from me? Protection? Satisfaction?”

Nozomi’s lips barely parted when they breathed out faintly, “A friend.”

Maki didn’t move. Only her eyes widened in disbelief. “A friend?”

Nozomi nodded slowly. It was the first time she had admitted it to herself and she couldn’t quite believe it either.

“A friend, huh,” Maki whispered to herself, still stunned, and she leaned back, tilting her head up to gaze at the sky again. “I don’t get you, Tojo.” She closed her eyes. “But maybe that’s the most interesting part about you.”

For the most part, Nozomi was relieved that she hadn’t been instantly rejected and ridiculed for her bold request. But when she got more time to process Maki’s words, she became bashful.

“Nothing has to change,” Nozomi said quietly. “You don’t have to go out of your way to acknowledge me. And I certainly won’t come to seek you every day. But I would appreciate it if you stopped mocking me.”

Maki seemed to take the time to deliberate the suggestion.

“Well, that I can’t stop,” she finally replied in a serious tone before she turned to Nozomi with a smirk tugging at her lips. “Because that’s what friends do, don’t they.”

And Nozomi’s heart no longer ached as a smile spread on her face at the sight of a teenager sitting next to her again.

* * *

 

 

“Do you want to get some fresh air?”

Umi flinched when she suddenly felt fingertips grazing her cheek, their freshly manicured nails lightly scraping her skin as they glided down her face, tracing her jaw line. Those slender fingers stopped at her chin and softly turned her face to the side, making her look at the person sitting next to her.

“You seem distracted. Do you not enjoy it here?”

Replying with the truth wasn’t necessary as both already knew it. Umi grabbed the fingers still touching her face and pried them off her without being neither forceful nor gentle. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Oh? Something on your mind?” Ishikii asked lowly, eyes trailing down Umi’s face to observe her impeccable clothes. No wrinkles on her neatly ironed shirt, no dull spot on her shiny black tie, no dust on her custom tailored suit of which the design was based on her school uniform. Jet black with white lines on the edge of her lapels and at the hem of her sleeves.

Stitched on her left breast pocket was the emblem of the Sonoda Dojo, which were the Kanji characters of her last name written in calligraphy inside a circle. The characters were slightly overlapping so they would create a more harmonic symbol inside the circle. It was a symbol more prestigious than most institutions. To wear that emblem to a social event was not to create attention for oneself but to give face and honor to the host.

“I will be fine,” Umi said curtly, her disinterested eyes roaming the event hall from above as she was sitting on the second floor in the VIP section. Respectable names throughout the economic and political landscape had been invited today to celebrate a randomly generated occasion by the Ishikii Company. Umi had long forgotten what it was about, neither did she care. Social conventions would force her to stay at least for two hours before she could leave without seeming rude.

One hour was already over. If she was lucky, she might even be able to leave without having to dance once.

“Umi,” Ishikii whispered, leaning in towards her, tangling a finger around a strand of long, dark hair, “don’t you know what I would give for just one peek inside your mind…”

Umi barely tilted her head. “Do enlighten me.”

Ishikii let out a breathless giggle, “It would be boring if I just told you.”

It hadn’t been entertaining to begin with, Umi thought. She faced in the general direction of Ishikii while she was actually watching another young couple in the VIP section. At least they seemed to have fun. “Give me a hint.”

“Hm,” Ishikii hummed, leaning back against the couch, crossing her legs which caused her dress to ride up, revealing more of her smooth thighs. “How about we do this differently. You tell me what you desire and I tell you if there’s anything I can do to help you with it. And as a reward, you tell me a bit of what is on your mind.”

It was too early to play this game, Umi thought tiredly. She leaned back too, her arm brushing Ishikii’s as she did. “The only thing I desire right now is some quiet and rest.”

“If that is all, then I can give you that. Just say the word and we can disappear from here together.” Ishikii paused before she continued in the same teasing voice, “But unfortunately, that is not what you implied.”

Umi shortly closed her eyes. Ishikii was smart. Smarter than she let on. Maybe not in the sense of book intelligence, but she certainly didn’t lack in other fields such as emotional intelligence.

“Umi,” Ishikii’s voice shed its playful tone, “forgive me for saying this, but I’m not quite satisfied with your performance today. It would be a shame if my father saw you like this, he might think that Otonokizaka is a bad influence on you…It doesn’t help that his financial advisors have criticized him a lot over the last months for his decision to invest in that school. Maybe UTX would have been a wiser decision.”

Umi could feel her pulse quickening, could hear her breathing getting shallow; she could see the veins on the back of her hands turning more visible as her fingers curled into fists.

“You understand, don’t you?” Ishikii’s quietly spoken words sounded more like a threat than an innocent question. “He isn’t quite sure anymore if Otonokizaka was the right decision. If I wasn’t constantly reminding him of the noble history and traditions of our school, he would have long ago been persuaded by his advisors to sell his share again. Maybe if you two met tonight, he will have a better picture of Otonokizaka.”

She should be despising Ishikii for shamelessly using every opportunity to bend and stretch the rules, but Umi would have done the same if she could have gotten anywhere with it. She knew the game they played very well and it allowed such big liberties as these. In some ways, Umi had to credit Ishikii for knowing exactly how to extract the largest amount of profit from that game.

Umi felt herself mechanically nodding. “It would be my pleasure to.”

What Ishikii had done wasn’t breaking the rules. But it was going to break Umi.

* * *

 

 

After three short, hard knocks on the wooden double doors to the piano room, Umi pushed them open and walked in without waiting for an invitation.

“You wanted to speak to me?” Umi asked, questioningly looking at the first year sitting in front of the piano.

Maki closed the lid of the piano and stood up. “Something like that.”

Raising an eyebrow, Umi’s eyes followed Maki pacing towards the doors, thinking she was going to close them for a private talk. Instead, she stepped out of the room. “I brought you a present.”

“A present?” Umi repeated, a wrinkle forming between her eyes. “I can’t recall any special occasion-“ Her mouth fell shut, lips pressing into a tight line when another person had entered the room.

“Maki?” Kotori asked in confusion, looking to the first year with wide eyes before she turned to Umi with shock. “Maki, you said Nozomi was looking for me-“

“Did I?” Maki faked a thoughtful hum. “You probably misunderstood.” Grabbing the door knobs, Maki moved to swing them shut, throwing in a light “Have fun!” before she closed them. The sound of a key turning in the hole told them they had been locked in.

“This is not happening,” Umi muttered, pacing towards the door, roughly pulling at the doorknobs. The doors shook but didn’t give in. “Maki. Open the door.” Her voice was still calm but a storm was brewing.

“I don’t have the key anymore.” Maki’s voice was just as calm.

“Maki. I don’t have time for this.” Umi stole a glance to her side, seeing Kotori’s upset look. She quickly faced away. “Open the door, now.”

“I’m not joking, I don’t have the key.”

“Maki!” Umi burst out, slamming her palm against the door and making it shake. The noise echoed throughout the hallways.

Startled, Kotori stepped away from her, increasing the frustration and misery she felt.

“She’s telling the truth, Umi. I’m the one with the key. ”

Both Umi and Kotori froze. “Tojo?” “Nozomi?”

“Yes.”

“Nozomi, what are you doing,” Kotori asked, desperate. This wasn’t how she had imagined to talk to Umi again. She wasn’t prepared, didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to behave. Acting out all those scenarios were a lot easier in her mind than what she was ready to try out in reality.

“If that is your idea of help, Tojo, then so God help me,” Umi pressed out between gritted teeth. She couldn’t lose control now. She was better than that. She had been trained to be better than that.

“It wasn’t my idea,” Nozomi’s voice rang through the door. Mellow, soft, earnest. Umi hated how easily she believed her. “I have given up on trying to help.”

“What?” Kotori breathed. “What are you saying-“

“She’s saying that she’s been a nosy, pushy and overbearing know-it-all, who thought they could save the world by putting some flower crowns on trainwrecks. Don’t give me that look, Tojo, it’s true. Anyway, I made her see that you don’t repair trainwrecks by telling them to be honest to themselves. You don’t repair trainwrecks at all, you let them crash and burn until the fire’s out and all that’s left is ashes. And then they can rise from it again, start anew. Like a phoenix or some shit.”

Umi placed her forehead against the door, closing her eyes. “Maki, don’t do this.”

“Oh, I’m not doing anything. You’re the one who should be doing something.”

Kotori tiredly rubbed her eyes and walked towards one of the armchairs to sit down. Pulling up her feet, she hugged her legs and put her chin on her knees. Maki’s sudden determination to make them confront each other didn’t surprise her all that much now that she knew Nozomi was right there with her.

She had known from the start that it was Nozomi’s resilient faith in everything good that attracted people who had lost theirs. And just like Kotori predicted, Nozomi’s own faith had been tainted after trying to help those who desperately clinged onto her for some piece of security and sanity, infecting her with their own insecurity and insanity in the process.

Nozomi finally had a taste of finding out what it meant to try their best and cause no effect at all. It was the feeling of powerlessness that Kotori knew all too well. And in their world where power meant everything, it could drive someone insane to know that their actions would not have the least bit impact no matter how hard they tried.

“Tojo, you have the key,” Umi muttered, drained. “Please. Remember what I told you. Remember what I said. You can’t change anything.”

“I know.” Nozomi’s voice was sober. “I know that now. You’re the one who made it clear that nothing I do matters.”

Grinding her teeth, Umi pushed herself away from the door. “This is not how I meant it.”

“You can’t really blame her,” Maki’s voice interjected. “You never make it easy to understand what you mean. Just like your old man, you’ve really mastered the art of talking without saying anything.”

“Maki,” Umi hissed threateningly. “Tojo, the key.”

“My name, Umi.”

“What?” Umi halted in her movements. Kotori looked up.

“Call me by my first name. I don’t like it when you shout my last name.”

“I wasn’t shout–“ Umi stopped herself, taking a deep breath. “Nozomi, unlock the door.”

“Better. But I never promised to unlock the door.”

Suppressing a frustrated shout, Umi turned away from the door and stormed over to an armchair far back in the corner, away from Kotori.

“Is she sulking?” Maki asked, scraping at the door. “Kotori, is she?”

Kotori stiffened. She didn’t look to check. Instead, she dodged the question. “Please, just let us out. Class is going to start.”

“Then one more reason for you two to hurry up cause I sure as hell don’t give a damn.”

“We should give them some space.” It was Nozomi’s suggestion. “They won’t be able to talk if they know we’re listening in on them.”

Eyes widening, Kotori stood up from the chair, calling out, “No, you can’t leave-“

“You know what, Tojo, your idea might be something worth. There’s a bathroom in there and a snack stash. So they won’t die on us even if they stayed the night.”

“Maki,” Kotori called out, shaking her head, “Nozomi, don’t, please…”

“I’m sorry, Kotori.” Nozomi’s voice was genuinely regretful. “It wasn’t my idea. But I agreed to it because Maki will in turn give me something else. So this time, I truly am no help at all.”

Kotori shut her eyes. Nozomi used to extend a helping hand even when unasked for, but now she had become weary of doing it even when begged for. And she had quickly learned their system of give and take and never question; assisting Maki for a reward that was worth more to her than Kotori’s trust.

“Don’t go too wild in there, alright?” A short laugh erupted from the other side of the door before the sound of footsteps echoed in the hallways, distancing themselves from the piano room.

Without turning to Umi, Kotori numbly said, “I will call my mother and ask her to send the janitor.”

Umi’s lips barely moved when they let out a tense, “Please do.”

Finding an explanation for their situation was not going to be a comfortable thing to do. It wasn’t the janitor Kotori was worried about as he wasn’t paid to ask questions, especially not in a school like Otonokizaka Private Academy, but her mother. Even when they didn’t have the closest mother-daughter relationship, Director Minami still knew enough about Kotori’s life to become suspicious of Umi’s presence.

Taking out her phone, Kotori dialed her mother’s office number but couldn’t get through to her as she had no cell signal.

Umi seemed to have noticed her moving around, trying to get a stronger signal, and she stood up as well, taking out her own phone.

“Kotori.”

Flinching at the sound, Kotori turned to Umi with wide eyes, gazing into an expression just as surprised as hers. It had been a long time since Umi had said her name. It felt off. That sound was caught between a familiar melody often sung in childhood and a dusty record lost between old memories.

“Here.” Umi wondered how it was possible to almost choke on one simple word. She stretched out her phone for Kotori to take, who slowly accepted it with a quiet, “Thanks.”

Kotori dialed her mother’s number again and this time, it went through. She didn’t say much, just urged her to send the janitor quickly and that she was going to get an explanation soon. It would buy her some time to create an excuse.

“The janitor will be here in five minutes. He has to walk all the way from the swimming pool that he has been cleaning.” Kotori handed Umi’s phone back to her.

“Good,” Umi muttered, not knowing what else to comment. She put away her phone. Now that she was standing, should she sit down again to make it less awkward?

“I noticed,” Kotori cleared her throat, “that Ishikii has been calling you a lot recently.”

Umi’s mouth opened, but no sound came out of her dry throat. So Kotori had seen her call history when she had dialed for her mother’s number. Umi herself had completely forgotten that this would be visible or she would have thought twice about offering her phone.

Kotori slowly gazed up at her, a wistful smile on her lips. “She seems to like you.”

“No,” Umi weakly croaked out, not knowing why she suddenly felt so desperate to prove otherwise. “She is only using me.”

“Oh?” Kotori’s eyes were as empty as her smile. “You match then. Since you are using her too.”

“I’m…” Umi felt like she had been punched in the gut. The worst part was that she knew she deserved it and shouldn’t even try to defend herself.

But neither had Kotori expected a reply. She walked over to the white piano and let her fingers glide over the smooth surface. “So beautiful…” she whispered. She had always admired how Maki could use this elegant piece of instrument to bring out the most beautiful sounds. But then again, she also hated how Maki preferred to play only melancholic and sad titles. In some ways, Maki’s piano playing style and Umi were quite alike; both could manipulate her emotions and both could sound beautiful but chose to make her sad.

“Kotori…”

Talking of instruments, Umi sounded like a broken one. Faint, wrongly tuned, disharmonic. Unable to bring out a nice sound, hurting Kotori with its shrill tones. Tones she didn’t want to hear.

“I don’t know what is going on in your mind,” Kotori whispered without turning around to Umi, still looking at the piano beneath her finger tips. “But don’t claim that everything you’ve been doing is for me. There were other ways. Easier, better ways. Still are.”

She was right of course, and Umi knew. She had known all along that what she was doing couldn’t be right, from the moment it had forced her to stop talking to Kotori. Again, like a broken instrument, she let out a rather pitiful sound. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Kotori breathed. She closed her eyes. “But that doesn’t make it right.”

Umi stretched out a hand after her but retracted it before it could touch Kotori’s shoulder. “I’m going to set it right. Please, just give me more time.”

But Kotori shook her head. “Don’t, Umi. I gave you enough time, thinking this was what you needed, time away from me. But when Maki confirmed the doubts I’ve been having, I began to wonder what really drives you, Umi. All the things you’ve been doing, for what?” She finally turned around, exasperated, her hurt expression openly facing Umi’s miserable one. “For what, Umi? Don’t tell me it’s for me because I’ve never felt less important to you than in the past two years.”

It struck Umi hard, like a brick to her head, and it worsened when the impact tore through her heart and shook her to her knees. She felt paralyzed.

All the games, the half-lies, the careful toeing between lines, the dances within the gray zone – she was only able to do them because of her belief that it was one day going to benefit Kotori and her. It was going to free them in the future. But somewhere far back in her mind, voices had begun appearing too, unwelcome voices who kept whispering the truth she didn’t want to hear, and she had successfully managed to push them back time and time again. But now she couldn’t shut them out anymore, they had gotten too loud. Because Kotori’s voice was now one of them.

Indeed, what for? All those games she had never wanted to participate but now was a master in?

“It was…” Umi had trouble finishing her sentence, it physically hurt her to admit it. “It was all for me.”

Kotori turned away, hugging her elbows. Umi had finally told the truth. But it didn’t mean that it released her from any hurt. “You should have just said so from the start. I wouldn’t have been angry at you if you wanted to cut ties with me for good. It’s not like I don’t understand my situation. But you left me hanging on a thin thread of hope, and that was the worst thing you’ve ever done to me.”

There was so much Umi wanted to explain and justify, so much that Kotori still needed to know, so many things concerning their families that Umi had only found out by accident which would impact their future – but the only thing that managed to escape her trembling lips was a weak, “I’m so sorry.”

“I know!” Kotori finally snapped, eyes flaming up with hurt and anger at the repetitions of apologies that were not going to make any difference on how miserable she felt right now. “I know you are, but please stop staying it if you don’t want to humiliate me further.”

Shocked, Umi quickly lowered her gaze, not feeling worthy to meet Kotori’s eyes in a hundred life times.

Kotori sighed. After realizing what she had done, which had been so uncharacteristic of her and went against every etiquette training she had received, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through her nose. “The janitor is going to arrive soon. Please stop talking.”

Umi felt something hot burning right beneath her eyes, a strange helpless sensation, making her vision of the ground a blur. She only realized she was crying when she blinked and tear drops fell to the ground.

“U-Umi?” Kotori’s hard expression crumbled, replaced by a look of terror as she had never seen an adolescent Umi shed a tear before. The only picture she had in her mind of Umi crying was back from their elementary school days, when both had been still allowed to be children, before the private etiquette classes had begun shaping them into the roles of the perfect heirs of their families.

“Umi,” Kotori whispered again, and startled when Umi made a sudden movement, her arm shooting up to wipe away her tears like she was pretending to have never shed them.

“Hello?”

Both Umi and Kotori flinched, their heads turning to the doors. “Someone in there?”

“Yes,” Kotori replied instantly, her voice too high and too loud, still shocked from seeing Umi silently crying.

The janitor unlocked the doors and concealed his surprise well, if he felt any, at seeing Director Minami’s daughter and the Sonoda heir in the piano room. He didn’t understand much about politics, even less about the school’s own mechanism of social politics, so he just nodded to them and went back to his prior task.

Umi stormed out of the room without looking back, only needing few strides of her long legs to disappear before Kotori could react quick enough to follow her.

Kotori pressed her palms against her eyes. Maybe if she pressed hard enough, her own tears wouldn’t come out.

* * *

 

 

“This isn’t a funny joke, Nozomi,” Nico said slowly. She had been packing up her things as the last class of the day had ended, but when Nozomi had told her of her afternoon plans, she had stopped. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m not,” Nozomi muttered, somewhat frustrated that Nico could act so obstinate. “It’s been three days and not even Maki knows how she is doing. So she said she would take me along with her to take a look.”

“I just,” Nico stopped herself, restructuring her words in her head before she slowly said, “Two things I still can’t wrap my head around: You’re on first name basis with Nishikino and you actually want to see Ayase. Have I gone insane?”

Nozomi didn’t feel like explaining. It wasn’t like much had changed in the past few days, but at the same time, a lot had considerably gotten better for her. Maki no longer scowled at her when passing by, even mustering up a somewhat awkward smile that was so tortured it made Nozomi want to laugh again. And she hadn’t once received a threat, possibly explained by her own behavior that was no longer tense and afraid, instead indifferent to all the drama surrounding her. If she had managed to befriend one of the most difficult and elusive students on campus, then what did she still have to fear?

Admittedly, one of her other treasured relationships had suffered instead. Sonoda Umi had been rumored to keep to herself, showing up to class tired and exhausted, skipping school club activities. Nozomi didn’t know what had happened that day when Maki had locked up Umi and Kotori in the piano room, but she dreaded that Umi was going to blame her for the obviously negative outcome. She knew she shouldn’t have walked away without helping them, but she had lost faith in her own judgment. What had she been really trying to achieve with her intrusive efforts to help? Had she been trying to gain their sympathy because she had felt so lost in this school, craving to belong somewhere?

She still didn’t know. Even if, was it that reprehensible to want that feeling of belonging? Even if, it didn’t mean that her intentions to help were any less genuine despite with the second motive of gaining an emotional reward like friendship.

“Oi, Tojo,” an impatient voice called out her name. The few remaining students in the classroom turned their heads to the door and fell silent in shock.

Nico looked like she had bitten into something sour.

“I will see you tomorrow,” Nozomi muttered, picking up her school bag before she headed towards the door, where Maki was leaning against the doorframe with a bored look.

“Wait.” Nico was right behind Nozomi. “I want to see Ayase too.”

“Hah?” Maki pushed herself off the doorframe, staring down at Nico, who challenged her with a raised eyebrow.

Nozomi bit the insides of her cheek. She knew what Nico was trying to do. But calling her out on it would be useless because Nico wouldn’t care.

“Ayase is my classmate too,” Nico said with a shrug. “Also, your limo should have at least one seat left even with your ego occupying most of them.”

“Unfortunately, you’re wrong,” Maki crossed her arms, “because you didn’t calculate your own huge ego, so no, we’ve got no seats left.”

“For today, I’ll manage,” Nico replied, undeterred.

Maki didn’t move from her position, blocking half the door which made the remaining students in the classroom nervous because they didn’t dare to walk past her to leave.

Nico smirked. “Afraid of me?”

“As if,” Maki scoffed, then grunted in displeasure. She pointed to Nozomi. “Watch your lap dog, I don’t want her to get too excited in my car.”

Nozomi herself hadn’t quite realized yet that Nico was going to accompany them, even less could she believe that Maki had so easily let her. For two people whose relationship was so strained, they didn’t put much effort in staying out of each other’s way.

The ride to Ayase’s villa in the Nishikino limousine was tense; a nervous Nozomi sat next to a suspicious Nico, facing a grumpy Maki who sat opposite of them. What was a twenty minute ride felt like an hour and Nozomi let out a silent sigh of relief when they finally arrived at the destination.

The Ayase estate was exactly like Nozomi had imagined; in fact, it was so much like her imagination that Nozomi felt disappointed, having expected more originality or a counter argument to the picture of clichéd villas in suburban Tokyo. Tall, broad iron gates opened up before them, a long driveway up a hill surrounded by neatly trimmed grass and occasional trees, and at last, the villa itself, a rescaled version of a European castle in the Baroque period including large ponds with water fountains— not as big but just as pompous.

“Gross, right?” Maki mumbled after seeing Nozomi’s wide eyes. “This monster was built right after we lost the Second World War. It was some kind of statement that the Ayases were allies of the West so they would be trusted with more political autonomy in their decision-making again. What great way to show appreciation of someone’s culture, isn’t it. Can you guess what this is based on?”

Nozomi shook her head, unable to recall seeing anything similar to it. But to her surprise, Nico answered, “It looks a bit like the Palace of Versailles.”

Maki squinted her eyes at her. “I’m not going to lie, I expected something dumb coming from you.”

“Funny, that’s the same expectation level I have for you and yet you never have trouble fulfilling it.” Nico crossed her arms. “I used to dream of living in castles and palaces, so of course I would know about the most decadent and pompous one,” she added as an explanation for Nozomi.

“Well, decadent would be the right word to sum up this building,” Maki muttered. “Just lost a world war but still had the money to build this shit. Rephrase: didn’t have the money, but took it from somewhere else.”

“Taxpayers? Loans?” Nozomi asked.

“Your family?” Nico added drily.

“Bingo, bingo and fuck you,” Maki answered. “You’re right though. Still, fuck you.”

“Right back at you,” Nico kissed her middle finger before flinging it at the first year, who rolled her eyes.

The car door was opened by the driver and they successively climbed out. Nozomi took a deep breath to calm herself down. Not necessarily because visiting Eli made her nervous, but the arguing between Maki and Nico had been very stressful, and she was glad to be outside of that car.

“Just a heads up, don’t expect Eli to welcome you with open arms,” Maki remarked, trotting towards the main doors where a butler and a maid had already appeared out of, bowing deeply to greet them. “Just stay behind my back and she won’t murder you. Though I can’t even guarantee that she won’t murder me.”

With Maki leading the way to Eli’s room, they didn’t need one of the house staff to guide them. Trailing behind the redhead, Nozomi’s head was turning non-stop to all sides to see as much as she could, both marveling and shaking her head at the overly luxurious interior that had been adapted to the same baroque style as outside. Behind her, Nico was mostly grinding her teeth and glaring at the back of Maki’s head because looking elsewhere would make her even more aggressive.

“If I remember correctly, this should be it,” Maki muttered, frowning. It had been a while since the last time she had visited Eli. After entering high school, they no longer were forced into obligatory visits to their parents’ business friends.

She knocked, rather roughly, to signal that she wasn’t one of the maids or butlers.

The door swung open. Blue sharp eyes quickly found purple ones before they strayed to green ones. “Tojo? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Good to see you up and well,” Maki said sarcastically. “Guess we can go now.” She turned around and headed back the way she had come from.

Nozomi opened her mouth, but all the words she had prepared on her way had instantly vanished from her mind. At the sight of Eli standing before her in a t-shirt and sweat pants too large on her, making a fairly healthy and fit appearance, Nozomi forgot what she wanted to say.

“Well, aside from your mental condition, you don’t look that sick to me,” Nico said with a shrug before turning around as well, following the way Maki had gone.

“What is going on?” Eli hissed, taking a step out of her room to look down the hallway. “Why is Yazawa here?” She turned to Nozomi, shortly glancing at her before she sighed and closed her eyes. “Are you following me home now to haunt me?”

“You might not believe it, but I do have better things to do,” Nozomi said, defensively crossing her arms. Why did Maki and Nico leave? Wasn’t Eli Maki’s friend as well, didn’t she want to know if the blonde was okay? Didn’t Nico want to see what Nozomi’s real intention of seeing Eli was?

Nozomi almost slapped her own forehead when she realized it. Nico hadn’t followed her because she was curious about Nozomi and Eli, but about her and Maki. And now that the car ride had turned out to be quite unspectacular, Nico had lost her interest.

“Then why are you here?” Eli ruffled her loosely tied hair. “Certainly not to bring me my homework, are you?”

“Actually, I do have a list of the things you need to catch up with,” Nozomi said, feeling relieved that she had an actual reason to be here prepared. She rummaged in her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper, which Eli reluctantly accepted.

“Is that everything?”

Nozomi frowned. She hadn’t exactly expected gratefulness, but some form of responsiveness would have been nice. Instead, Eli was avoiding her eyes. Wait – why was Eli the one avoiding her eyes right now?

“Are you okay?” she asked carefully.

“Just splendid,” Eli muttered, sarcastic, glancing around recklessly. “Tojo, you can’t tell me that bringing me this is all you came for.” And she shook the homework list, crinkling the part in her tight fist.

“It wasn’t,” Nozomi admitted. She searched for Eli’s eyes, but the blonde didn’t face her. “But I can see that you’re well now, so I’m not going to overstretch my stay.”

Eli’s head twitched. “Anything else you want to add before you finally leave?”

Nozomi thought she saw a pattern. She recognized this behavior from somewhere. Actually, she knew it all too well. And she was tired, tired of maneuvering her way around a draining dialogue that got her nowhere but more frustration.

“Actually, yes. Yes, there are some things I want to add,” she found herself saying, unable to stop herself as if a stranger was talking for her. “I care about Maki and Umi, and I don’t like how you to take your friendship with them for granted.”

“Don’t get invo-”

But Nozomi didn’t let Eli interrupt her. Not anymore. “I care about them because they are my friends. What I don’t care about anymore is your definition of friendship or why you began taking those pills. I’ve learned my lesson that caring about the wrong people hurts. A lot. So I’m still learning to let go. I’m still learning to not care.” She paused, swallowing. “Which I will start with you. Goodbye, Eli.”

Before Eli could react, Nozomi turned on her heels and stiffly hurried down the hallway she had come from, not wanting to be left behind in this building that was too cold and offered no homey comfort. When she caught up with Nico and Maki, they were already waiting outside the villa.

Leaning against the limousine, Maki had been waiting with her arms crossed. “Took you long enough. Midget over here suspected you got locked up by Eli.”

Rolling her eyes, Nico slid off the hood of the car where she had been sitting on, much to the relief of the driver, who was nervously watching her from behind the steering wheel. “Why would you go alone into the lion’s cave?”

“I wasn’t alone until you two suddenly left.”

“A lion? Eli?” Maki snorted. “Don’t you worry, this kitty had her fangs cut. Most she can do is roar very loudly but that was all.”

“Then what are you,” Nico asked, raising an eyebrow, “a squeaky duck?”

“Don’t project your own identity onto me,” Maki countered. “Now get inside the car, I still have plans for today.”

“Yikes, since when did getting high count as plans,” Nico muttered, but climbed first into the car anyway.

Nozomi touched Maki’s shoulder before she entered the limousine. “She doesn’t know you’ve stopped. If you told her, it would change things.”

Maki briefly glanced at her before she shrugged off Nozomi’s hand. “I don’t want things to change.” And she climbed into the car.

 

\-- 

 

“I’m not giving you a ride home.”

Since Nozomi’s home was on the way from Eli’s estate to Maki’s, she had been dropped off first and now only Nico and Maki were left in the limousine, sitting opposite of each other.

“It’s not even you who’s driving.”

Maki crossed her arms. “I’m not going to be your damn taxi service.”

“Are you insane,” Nico laughed, “as if I would pay you for it.”

“Then get out,” Maki gestured to the door. “We won’t drive until you leave.”

“Guess I’m spending my day inside here then,” Nico said, crossing her legs and looking around. “Come on, bring out the fancy stuff. Do you have like champagne in here?”

“Get. Out.”

“Look, it’s not even that much of a detour,” Nico sighed. “Just take me home.”

“You shouldn’t have come along in the first place,” Maki said, furrowing her brows. “Why did you want to come along so badly? And spare me the pathetic excuse of seeing Eli.”

Shrugging, Nico replied, “I didn’t trust you. Thought it was weird that Nozomi would want to go somewhere with you.”

Maki blew her bangs out of her face, smirking. “Jealous?”

“Yeah. I haven’t gotten to spend any time with Nozomi lately, and here she decided to accompany your unworthy ass.”

Her smirk turning sour, Maki looked out of the windows of the non-moving car. “Can’t blame her. I’m damn amazing.”

Nico’s expression turned into a grimace. “I’ve got no idea how she can put up with you.”

“Why don’t you ask that yourself?” Maki grunted. “Since you’re the one with the most experience.”

Falling silent, Nico’s eyes roamed Maki’s face, searching for any indication if there was still hurt left from a story that had been finished long ago. Her voice became quiet. “Why so bitter? You were the one who no longer wanted to have anything to do with me.”

Maki’s facial features twisted into in an angry and pained grimace. She clenched her fists when she caught herself reaching for her throat, trying to scratch her healed skin again. “Are you sure that I’m the one who’s bitter? What about you, who’s still stuck in Otonoki after all your great speeches of chasing dreams? The only thing I see you chasing is discounts on idol merch. Now if that isn’t sad.”

Nico’s hands curled into fists. “Shut up. You don’t become an idol overnight.”

“Neither did you become one over years even though your mother tried so hard to kick-start a career for you,” Maki said, knowing exactly how deep her words were going to impact Nico.

Bolting up from her seat, Nico furiously threw herself against Maki, reaching for her collar to grab. “Shut up!”

Laughing breathlessly despite being held in a chokehold, Maki did her minimum of holding Nico back, knowing that she wasn’t going to be hurt seriously. “Face it, Nico. Some things just aren’t meant for us to have. We have roles that we’re born into and we can’t change them.”

“Well, my role fucking sucks and I want a re-audition,” Nico hissed beneath her breath, using her elbows to push against Maki’s shoulders, pressing her against her seat.

“Re-audition?” Maki coughed when Nico’s weight was heavily pressing against her chest, limiting the amount of air she could inhale when her lungs had no space to expand. Still, Maki wasn’t resisting. “You’re still letting other people define your role for you.”

Nico scowled. “Like you are?”

“Yeah,” Maki breathed, the corners of her lips curled up into an empty smirk. “I told you. You and me, we are the same.”

And Nico’s expression twisted in fury. “I,” she growled, clenching her teeth and using more force to shove Maki back into her seat, “am nothing like you.”

Maki just weakly smirked, her shallow breathing was the only reply Nico got. But that sound haunted her because the unspoken words scratched at the wall she had built around her memories, trying to break in and free her self-doubt.

“Excuse me?” The driver had rolled down the tinted window that had been separating him from the back of the limousine. “Is everything alright?”

Nico quickly fell back to her seat. Maki inhaled sharply, reaching for her tie to pull it off.

“We just had a nice chat up close. Besides, we are ready to go again.”

 

\--

 

“What is this place?”

“I thought it is pretty self-explanatory.”

Maki opened her private garage of the racing track, finding everything prepared and ready for her. Her team of racing experts checked on her cars daily to ensure the highest safety possible.

“This is crazy.”

Nico didn’t quite believe what she was seeing. She had never been on a racing track before, and it turned out to be multiple times larger than what she had been able to guess from seeing it on television.

“It is.”

Her father had taken care of it, no doubt, to build the most impressive, privately funded racing track there was. Seasonally used in national and international car races, it was also booked for professional trainings and private driving sessions. As long as there were no competitions to be held on the racing track owned by the Nishikinos, then it was freely accessible by family members plus friends.

Maki slipped into her racing suit.

“You’re not actually going to drive, are you,” Nico said slowly, watching Maki put on the racing uniform in disbelief. “Your parents would never allow that.”

Maki halted in her movements. “A bit big of you to talk like you know my parents.”

Nico’s jaw tensed. “Enough to know that at least your mother wouldn’t be too pleased about this.”

Snorting, Maki returned back to zipping up her uniform. “Things change.”

“Is that all you know how to say?” Nico said, exasperated.

Not replying, Maki grabbed a helmet and checked the inner linings and straps.

“Why did you take me here?” Nico asked, her voice getting louder. “Wanted to show me how you self-destruct?”

Maki wiped at the visor of her helmet. “You wouldn’t leave and I have a tight schedule. But do feel free to watch from the stands.”

“What?” Nico hissed. She strode over to Maki and took away her helmet. “Look, I know you’re stupid, but you’re not suicidal.”

Maki blankly stared at Nico before she turned around to a shelf and took another helmet. After blowing dust off it, she put it on and climbed inside her racing car, ignoring Nico’s warnings.

The door to her passenger seat suddenly opened and Nico climbed in.

“What the hell are you doing,” Maki hissed, pushing up her visor. “Get out.”

Nico didn’t budge, instead she put on the helmet she had taken away from Maki earlier. “Show me what’s so great about this that it’s worth risking your life over.”

“I’m not giving out free joy rides.” Maki angrily gestured for Nico to exit the car, but the other girl didn’t react.

“Don’t mind me, just drive like you usually would do,” Nico said, her voice muffled by the helmet.

“I said, get out,” Maki’s voice rose. She unbuckled Nico’s seat belt and began pushing at her shoulders.

“Why, I’m wearing the same protection as you are.” Nico slapped away her hands. “Come on, show me what you’re made of.”

Aggressively kicking the door open, Maki climbed out and stomped over to the passenger side to pull Nico out of the car. “What the hell is your deal!”

As Maki was stronger than her, Nico was quickly pulled out of her seat until she stood face to face with the first year. She pulled off the helmet and brushed her messy hair out of her blazing eyes. “So you won’t drive with a passenger because you know how unsafe it is.”

“Of course I won’t do shit like that,” Maki hissed, having taken off her helmet as well, now arguing with Nico nose to nose. “I’m responsible for my life and my life only. If I crash and burn, then I fucked up, but that’s okay because I’m the only one who has to bear that consequence. But I’m not going to take responsibility for someone else’s life. I don’t want to be in control of that.”

“You can’t be serious,” Nico whispered.

Maki shrugged. “According to you, I never am anyway. But I would never mess with a human’s life.”

“Then why won’t you treat your own with more care?” Nico suddenly shouted, her voice cracking towards the end. She stood on her toes to counter Maki’s glare, showing that she was not going to back down. “Why won’t you respect your own safety the way you wanted to protect mine?”

“Don’t misunderstand things here-”

“No, I already understood,” Nico hissed, “you need a witness to see you crash and burn so they can tell everyone afterwards how heroic you were by keeping them away from danger.”

“Are you insane, I’m not suicidal-”

“And I’m not talking about car races anymore,” Nico screamed, furious that Maki wouldn’t let her speak, wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t change. “It’s what you’ve always done, keeping people away when you needed help - because you wanted them to suffer with you, you wanted them to feel the same helplessness as you, you wanted to see how deep their pain ran, see if theirs could match yours - you felt that life treated you unfairly and that was how you thought you could make things even, but you are wrong and you are sick, and I really don’t know why I ever thought I could love you -”

She abruptly stopped talking. But her sore throat wasn’t the reason.

Immovable like a statue hammered in stone, Maki’s wide eyes were fixated on Nico’s face. “Nico...”

“Don’t,” Nico shook her head, suddenly feeling too exhausted to speak anymore. She had said enough. “Just take me home.”

“Nico,” Maki’s feeble voice croaked out, “you’re wrong.”

Gritting her teeth, Nico turned her back to her, not wanting to hear any more of Maki’s lies. She had been accepting them for too long. “I’ll call a cab. You better head home too.”

“You’re wrong,” Maki repeated, more forcefully than before, “I’m worse than you thought.”

Nico’s head snapped back to her.

Maki slowly touched her throat and began scratching it. “I kept you away to see if you would come back. I needed to know if you did. I needed to be sure because I would have been ready to leave everything behind for you, but you didn’t come. So I didn’t escape either.” Her fingernails dug deeper with every scratch. “You were freedom to me. Being with you meant being free. But when I lost you, I lost that feeling. I felt constantly trapped. Like on a short leash that was too tight around my neck, strangling me, I couldn’t breathe - if it weren’t for those pills, I might have already scratched out my windpipe.”

She showed her shaking hands, trembling in mid-air, fingers curling and twitching because they weren’t allowed to scratch the itchy skin of her neck. “See, I’m a lot worse than you thought. I never learned how to deal with things normally. I either had to hide my problems or pretend I didn’t have them because that’s the kind of person I was expected to be.”

She busied her hands by forming them into fists every few seconds, fingers curling and uncurling. “I have problems, but I know that. And I really,” she struggled with herself, her voice cracking, “and I really do try to change even when I say I don’t want to - I’m just so freaking scared that it won’t work and people will judge me for having failed, that I will judge myself for failing, so I pretend I’m not trying when I really do, when I really am trying so hard but it’s just not easy-”

Her body was shaking. She didn’t think her knees could hold out any longer, losing strength fast. “...please, Nico...look at me...tell me you can see me trying. Tell me I’m getting there.” Her desperate voice made Nico’s insides churn. “I just want you to stop looking at me like I’m a monster. I just want you to see how hard I’m actually trying to be better - just like Nozomi does.”

Sucking in a shaky breath, Maki stumbled over to her car to support herself on the hood. She felt sick from spilling out all the things that had been stored inside her for so many years. Now she was vulnerable, naked, defenseless in front of Nico. If Nico wished to do so, she could easily destroy the last bit of Maki’s dignity.

Nico’s body finally seemed to be able to move again after having been shocked into a standstill. Her lips were trembling when she whispered, “Maki...” She quickly wiped at her eyes. “I do see it, Maki, I do.” She inhaled shakily. “And I never thought of you as a monster. Not for one second.”

Maki didn’t dare to lift her head. “Really?” Her tone resembled that of an insecure child.

“Really.” Nico swallowed. “Because I am not a good person either. I know it didn’t have to come to this, I could have made the difference. But I was scared too.”

“Of what?” Maki asked quietly.

“Of everything,” Nico breathed, holding her elbows. “Of the idea that I didn’t matter to you as much as I thought I would. Of the idea that I would fail as an idol, just riding on my mother’s coat-tails like everyone said. So many things were happening at that time, I got scared of facing them.” She wiped at her eyes again. “You cut me out, and there was a good reason for that. Because I’m a coward.”

Maki let her words sink in before she let out a weak chuckle. “So you and me are the same after all. We’re both cowards.”

“Yeah,” Nico breathed. “We are.”

Maki stared at her feet. “But cowards become less afraid when there’s two of them.”

She didn’t have to continue for Nico to understand.

“Let’s start again,” Nico whispered, taking a step towards Maki. “We’ll both try harder this time.”

Maki slowly looked up, turning to face Nico. Her heart began pounding in a strong, regular pattern again, no longer feeling isolated and numb. “Nico,” she tentatively stretched out her hand, unsure if Nico was going to meet her midway. But when Nico slowly took her hand, Maki stopped breathing, feeling too many emotions whirling inside her mind. She couldn’t contain a smile.

“Let’s get you home, Nico.”


	8. Clueless Heart

 

**Otonokizaka Private Academy**

* * *

 

"And? Juicy and sweet, right?" Golden eyes were beaming with excitement, expectantly gazing at the other person in front of her, who had just bitten into a small, green apple.

Quickly concealing a grimace from biting into the sourest apple she had ever tasted, Umi smiled with her lips tightly sealed to hide the apple bite she hadn't swallowed. She hummed in approval.

Her opposite's face fell. "Oh no, you got a sour one…I'm so sorry, they usually are really sweet, but some of them can be quite sour – quick, spit it out."

But Umi vehemently shook her head and forced herself to swallow the bite. "It would be a waste to throw it away. You put a lot of effort into growing them."

"Oh Umi, I just water them regularly, nothing I would really call work. Come here, this time I'll pick you a sweet one!"

Umi stepped in front of the other person with a determined expression. "Kotori. I will finish the apple you gave me."

"You look too serious again, Umi," Kotori said with a light laugh. "It's just an apple. Mother said if you frown too much, you will age too fast."

Suddenly weirdly conscious of her facial expression, Umi touched her forehead as if she wanted to feel for herself if her frown had left any lasting traces on her face. "I'm fine."

"Still too serious, Umi," Kotori said in a playful tone, and she used a finger to poke Umi's forehead. "Let's head outside for the garden, I want to pick you another apple. I guess this one was too sour because I picked it before it was ripe. I thought it would be sweet because it looked so pretty."

With a feathery light bounce to her steps, Kotori walked away, heading for the large garden of the Minami residence where she had her own little area to grow whatever she liked. Ever since she could stand and think on her own, she had dedicated her personal little garden to growing an apple tree, hoping that one day she would be able to eat her self-grown favorite fruit.

But apple trees needed years until they would bear edible fruit and this was the first year the apple tree had produced some samples of what were supposed to be green apples. Umi was quite sure that they weren't meant to be eaten yet, still needing at least several springs before even considerable for picking. But to humor Kotori's excited mood over her first self-grown fruits, Umi had agreed to taste them. She was still wondering how she was going to finish the one she still grasped in her hands, dreading the second one she was going to have to eat.

"Here." Kotori had already picked a new apple when Umi caught up with her, carefully stepping around the small, rotten apples that had already fallen. The tree had grown impressively; when a clumsy five-year old Kotori got her entire dress dirty by determinedly planting the little plant, it was just as tall as she was, which was one meter height at best. Nine years later, it had surpassed both Kotori and Umi by one head.

"Thank you." Umi held her breath. She stared at the small apple in her hands. It was only half the size of the apples sold in stores and it had brown blotchy spots everywhere. She didn't want to think about the possibility of finding worms in there, so she bit in before she could change her mind.

Her eyes widened. "Mhm!"

"Sweet, right?" Kotori asked triumphantly, grinning from ear to ear. "It might not look pretty, but you can't be fooled by that."

Surprised and relieved that she didn't have to fake her enthusiasm, Umi just took a second bite and nodded in approval, this time earnestly.

Pleased, Kotori smiled and proudly looked up at her apple tree. "I hope that one day, I can fill a basket with those apples. Like, real apples, as big as the ones you can buy!"

Umi quietly watched at her with a fond smile, feeling a wave of contentment washing over her. It was a relaxing kind of sensation to think that all she needed to be happy right now was to just eat this apple and listen to Kotori talk about her dreams.

"Kotori."

Both Kotori and Umi turned around to the source of the voice, and Kotori's expression brightened.

"Grandpa!" She happily exclaimed and ran up to the old man slowly walking towards her. He barely managed to catch her, staggering on his feet when she threw her whole weight against him, but he still laughed merrily.

Umi stayed where she was, simply greeting the man with a polite nod. He wasn't Kotori's real grandfather as all her grandparents had already died, but he was the kind butler that had served her family for three generations. Ever since Kotori arrived home in a bundle, he had taken care of her and a lot of his soft kindness had shaped Kotori into the gentle and bright girl she was today.

As of now, he wasn't wearing his butler suit, which Umi noted belatedly.

"Do you want an apple?" Kotori excitedly asked, pulling at his arms. "Even Umi said they are sweet. Please try one, please?"

The old man chuckled. "Sure."

When Kotori turned her back to him to pick a fruit, Umi caught the sad look he was giving the young girl he had raised like his own daughter.

"Sir, is everything okay?" Umi asked, straightforward yet careful. His eyes were usually filled with pride whenever he looked at Kotori, but with the dull look he wore now, his age suddenly caught up with him and the wrinkles on his face became more prominent.

"Why, yes, Miss Sonoda, thank you for asking."

He was dodging her.

Umi touched her own forehead because she could feel herself frowning again.

"Here," Kotori held up a green apple that she had carefully selected, eyes sparkling. She hadn't paid any attention to the short interaction between Umi and her butler, too focused on choosing the perfect apple. "It's not the prettiest one, but it will taste good for sure!"

"Thank you, my dear. Forgive me if I can't eat it right now as my teeth aren't the strongest anymore, but I will cut it into pieces and eat it at home, okay?"

"Then let's go inside together," Kotori said, still smiling, and she was already on her way to skip back inside the house when she noticed that no one was following her. "Grandpa?"

The old man pressed his palm against his right eye, but it didn't stop a tear from rolling over his wrinkled cheeks. With difficulty, he cleared his throat and weakly said, "Kotori, there is something I need to tell you."

And before he even continued, Umi already knew what he was going to say next. The sweet aftertaste of the apple turned sour and dry in her mouth.

"It's time for me to go home," he whispered.

Eyes turning wide, Kotori stared at him with an incomprehensible expression. "But this is your home, Grandpa. You live here."

"You see," he wheezed, pain seeming to choke him from the inside, "I'm not the youngest anymore and I can't serve your family forever. It's time for me to leave."

"But you are my family!" Kotori's eyes started watering. "I don't understand, this doesn't make sense, you live here, you promised you would stay-"

"Kotori, I need to get back to my own life. I didn't have one for a very long time."

Umi almost let her apple fall. She didn't think he would use this cruel method against her. But Kotori would otherwise never let him go.

"But, but…" Kotori's bottom lip quivered. She quickly wiped at her eyes. "Do you really have to go? I can just ask my mother to let you still live here and you don't even have to work!"

"As nice as this sounds, I'm afraid this isn't possible. Kotori, you are a big girl now and I trust you to take care of yourself. Be a good kid, okay?"

The old man took a deep breath and limped away, turning his back on two wide-eyed middle school students who still couldn't grasp what had happened. His walk was unrecognizable, weak and slow, lacking the agile spring he usually possessed when he briskly walked around the house, directing and dividing the work among the house staff.

"Grandpa…" Kotori sobbed, and she turned to Umi, who dropped the apples and wordlessly opened her arms to offer comfort.

"Why did he leave," Kotori cried against Umi's shoulder, tightly grabbing the back of her shirt, "where do they all go, Umi? I thought I would be okay as long as he stayed, but –" A sob interrupted her, "Umi, why do they all leave…"

Umi tasted blood from biting her lips, using every ounce of self-control so she wouldn't answer Kotori's questions.

In the past few months, the house staff in the Minami residence had been reduced to half its size and remaining were only the most important members who were essential to a functioning household. But now that the loyal butler, who had dedicated most of his life to serving this family, had packed his bags, Umi's fears had come true. The Minamis could no longer preserve their comfortable lifestyle anymore and it was only going to be a matter of time until Kotori would officially lose her status. And with the loss of status came more than just the loss of prestige – Kotori would no longer be free.

Umi had overheard her parents, had overheard them talking to Kotori's mother – Kotori was the only Minami heir left and if they wanted to at least save some of their family line's dignity and status, she would be married off to someone of high status once she graduated from university. Some names had fallen in that discussion and Umi had shuddered at every single one of them. Indeed, being married to one of those candidates would restore most of someone's status and maybe even increase it, but Umi knew them well enough to feel sick in her stomach at the very thought of giving them any control over Kotori's future.

Ever since Umi had found out about the Minamis' dire situation, she had often caught herself with one particular, selfish thought – why couldn't Kotori be married off to her? She was a Sonoda after all, she could make people hold their breath waiting for her words by just clearing her throat. Even adults behaved very cautious around her, walking on eggshells when she herself wasn't even old enough to understand some of the terminologies they used.

But then rationality would wake Umi up and she remembered why she couldn't allow herself to think that way. If she let arrogance and entitlement control her, she would be no different than the other narcissistic and cynical heirs, who were obsessed with titles and appearances. If she was disgusted by their self-centered ideologies, then she should be just as disgusted by the thought of claiming Kotori for herself under the pretense of saving her.

She knew all of Kotori's dreams. Studying abroad, going to a fashion school in Milan, backpacking through Asia, doing voluntary work for various benevolent institutions – Kotori's ideas were as bright as the future she had imagined for herself, and none of them contained being trapped in a loveless marriage.

Should the last symbol of the Minamis' importance – Otonokizaka Private Academy – fall, Kotori would have to give up all her dreams and stay in the country, forced to work on maintaining her status by being a dutiful trophy wife.

Umi hugged Kotori a little bit tighter.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered against Kotori's hair. She was going to make it okay.

And as Umi brought Kotori back inside the house, she stepped over the green apples she had dropped, her shoes sprinkling mud over them.

* * *

 

Umi blankly stared at the ceiling of her room. She had woken up an hour ago but hadn't made any attempts to get up ever since, only letting her restless thoughts drift until they started replaying old memories, adding to the heavy weight of regret pressing down on her chest.

Her alarm clock was going to ring in five minutes. A maid was going to enter her room in five and a half minutes. A butler was going to follow, exactly two steps behind the maid. They were going to bring her a clean and ironed set of her school uniform, some notifications from her parents about this week's schedules and events to attend, and today's newspaper from three different publishers, each with a different focus: politics, economy and culture. Umi would briefly glance over the headlines while brushing her teeth and then decide for one article to immerse in during breakfast.

That was her morning routine, had been ever since she had possessed a large enough vocabulary to read newspapers, which was around elementary school. She couldn't remember if this routine had naturally established over the years or if her parents had decided it for her. She couldn't tell if she was actually interested in political and economic news or if she was just reading them out of habit by now. She wasn't sure if she even had her own interests besides the ones she was supposed to have.

Her limbs felt heavy and numb to her and they wouldn't move when her alarm clock started ringing. But it didn't matter, she would only have to endure the annoying sound for exactly thirty seconds before a maid would rush in and turn it off.

Ten, nine, eight, Umi innerly counted, her eyes wide awake and yet already tired. She could hear footsteps nearing. Seven, six, five. The sound of two persons' footsteps came to a stop right outside her door. Hushed whispers. Four, three, two – the door opened.

"Good morning, Miss."

One. Time to start functioning. Umi slowly sat up in her bed. "Good morning."

"Here, your schedule for today. Your father has arranged an important meeting for tonight."

"Is that so," Umi remarked without any interest as she accepted the note handed over to her. There was no meeting that wasn't important. And yet, there was no meeting that really was.

Her eyes flew over the few lines her father hadn't bothered to write himself, recognizing them as the butler's handwriting. "I haven't heard of those names before."

The butler bowed. "They are the founding families behind UTX Academy."

Umi unwittingly crumpled the piece of paper in her right hand when she balled it into a fist. "Interesting." So they had finally decided to show themselves.

UTX Academy was only recently founded, just long enough to have students in all three grades of high school, but still no more than a hundred students at best. The official founder behind this school that prided itself on modernity and technological advancement was a young organization that called itself the "New Rich" rather straightforwardly. It consisted of companies and families that had achieved wealth within the past ten years, having earned most of their money by riding the most popular trends that had washed over the 21st century. Many of them offered services and entertainment that entirely relied on the internet to make profits. They had become millionaires over night when their inventions gained worldwide recognition and were applied everywhere in daily use.

But the sudden wealth was not the only thing connecting these people within the "New Rich", it was also their aversion to families like Umi's – the old rich, or old money as they liked to mockingly call them. To them, those families that had lived in wealth for centuries didn't know how to appreciate money anymore, mindlessly holding on to old traditions and statuses because otherwise, they would drown in meaninglessness.

Umi didn't disagree. In fact, she understood why UTX had been founded and why it had been built in the same region as Otonokizaka. It was a statement, a challenge to the old rich, who still considered Otonokizaka Private Academy as the only place worthy for their daughters. And the UTX founders had succeeded, causing significant cracks in Otonokizaka's walls that had been deemed as impenetrable before. This development of Otonokizaka losing students had two simple reasons.

First, the old rich were dying out. Many families were not able to maintain their wealth over the years as the world and its economic impulses kept changing. Technology made some industries superfluous and the digital age was going to keep moving forward and dislocate economic focuses all over the world. Umi often wondered how long the oil sheikhs would still get to remain on top until clean technology would push them off their thrones, until the world's dwindling oil resources were going to make their importance disappear too.

Second, the new rich grew up with a different mindset and a different concept of the world. They weren't born rich, they achieved success themselves which meant one important thing - they were free. They didn't owe their wealth to anyone, not to their parents and not to any ancestors. They weren't bound to their last name. And they would never submit to an old system of status hierarchy that still ruled in Otonokizaka, they were not going to send their children to a school where their popularity was already determined by their families' name.

Thus, UTX was founded. Just as exclusive as Otonokizaka but without the sense of elitism. Everyone was aware of their fragile status, they could lose everything as fast as they had gotten everything. The arrogance displayed there was not rooted in their wealthy background but in their pride of attending UTX.

No one could deny that UTX's approach of education was revolutionary in the terms of technology used to ensure the highest quality of teaching. From the school uniforms to the classrooms and equipment, everything boasted with a modern, futuristic design, and much effort had been put into making even the most mundane things a technological wonder. Umi heard rumors of 'Smart Tables' where each student's desk was one large tablet computer, replacing both books and notebooks. Students would use stylus pens to directly write on the table and it would save their entries on a cloud drive so they could access their notes from a computer at home. In short, UTX was one large network of information sharing, completely adapted to the age of information technology.

It came as no surprise that most teenagers who could choose a high school for themselves would prefer to go to UTX.

But it did come as a surprise that those who had founded that school would be interested in meeting the Sonodas, a family that represented everything they resented. Well, it wouldn't hurt to be attending. Not like she had a choice, Umi thought, mechanically getting up from her bed.

A maid rushed to fold her sheets and rearrange her pillows. No matter how many times Umi had told her in the past that she would do it herself, her request had always been denied, occasionally rejected with the meek explanation, "Your time is valuable, Miss Sonoda, so please leave it to me."

As a child, Umi had felt uncomfortable about that reply, but hadn't objected. As she grew older, she became angrier and colder every time she received that answer. And now upon being confronted by it once again, she felt an overwhelming surge of hatred growing within her chest. She now realized why she hated that answer so much. The submissive tone, the downcast eyes as the maid spoke, the implication that the maid's time was not valuable.

As the maid reached out to put the finishing touches on her pillows, Umi suddenly grabbed her wrist.

"From now on, only I will touch my bed."

She silently cursed when the other woman flinched.

"Please," Umi added to take away the cold edge of her voice. "Don't waste your time on such trivial things."

As Umi watched the nervous maid hurrying out of her room, she knew she had chosen the worst possible wording to handle this situation. She had wanted to convey the message that the maid's time was just as valuable as hers, but instead it had sounded like Umi had been scolding her for not using her time properly.

Umi suppressed a sigh. Expressing herself the right way had never been her strong point. There was no natural warmth in her voice, no inherent kindness in her eyes and no habitual smile for every greeting. It was exhausting to be this nice when she always had to calculate with the possibility of her opposite mistaking her kindness for weakness and attempting to exploit it.

There was only one person Umi knew who had enough warmth in her heart to offer this kindness unconditionally while still perceptive about whom she was giving it to. Only one person who was strong enough to not mind seeming weak.

Umi touched her forehead, fingertips gliding over her eyebrows. She wondered how old she would look like if her skin remembered every frown.

* * *

 

"Whoa, look, that girl's from Otonoki," was whispered behind cupped hands and Nozomi had to pretend that she hadn't heard, faking interest in a book she had randomly taken from the mystery section. Maybe it had been a bad idea to stop by the book store instead of directly heading home. She should have changed clothes at least before going anywhere else.

"They do have the best uniforms after all," another voice joined. "One more reason to apply for Otonoki next year."

"Still planning to do that? You do know that they only give out one scholarship each year and your chances sink with every year you're already in high school."

"Geez, of course I know. Let me dream, will you?"

"I'm sorry, I just…I just really don't want to see you go. It's our last year together too. And it feels like I'm the only one afraid of change when you don't seem to worry at all."

Nozomi quickly shoved the book back into the shelf and moved to a different section of the bookstore, walking until she couldn't hear them anymore.

She was unsure what exactly had compelled her to leave. Out of respect for their privacy? That was what she liked to believe. But there was a weird stinging pain in her chest and it forced her to realize what had really made her sad.

When she had planned to transfer schools, she had no one to have that kind of conversation with. No one to share her plans with, no one to tell her that she would be missed. She had just quietly moved to another town, transferred to another school, with no one to brag to about how she had gotten into the most prestigious school for girls.

But things were different now. She had people who cared, people with whom she could share her plans. She smiled. Maybe overhearing that conversation wasn't a bad thing, it made her realize how much better she had it now.

Her footsteps becoming lighter, Nozomi walked over to the education section of the bookstore, hoping to find a good exercise book for her math class since a test exam was coming up soon. A thin book with a flashy cover caught her eyes and she reached for it, but it was at the top of the shelf and her fingertips barely managed to graze the lower end of the binding. Frustrated, Nozomi gave up on that book because she didn't want to ask someone for help. In these moments, Nozomi wished she didn't dread social interaction as much as she did.

Sighing, Nozomi looked for another book when she suddenly noticed a shadow falling on the shelf. Someone much taller than her was standing behind her. She shortly closed her eyes and begged that the bookstore assistant hadn't seen her embarrassing struggle.

She hesitantly turned around, almost letting out a surprised gasp when she looked up at sharp, blue eyes scrutinizing her.

What was Eli doing here after missing a few days of school? She wasn't going to threaten her in a public place, was she? There were customers nearby and it would do her no good to lose control now, so what was she hoping to gain by trapping Nozomi against a bookshelf?

Eli stretched out her hand and Nozomi flinched. The blonde paused in her movement before continuing, her hand reaching up for something high above Nozomi's head.

"Here."

Nozomi found herself blinking at a flashy book cover with neon numbers scattered around. Baffled, she stared up at Eli whose eyes were focused on some point next to Nozomi's head.

"That wasn't the book I was looking at," Nozomi heard herself saying, surprised by her own pride that wouldn't allow granting Eli any satisfaction about being right. Usually, Nozomi wasn't this petty, but Ayase Eli seemed to bring out all her less desirable sides.

Eli raised an eyebrow and Nozomi knew that she had been seen through. But the blonde didn't reply, instead placing the book back into its place. She gave Nozomi one last fleeting look before turning to leave.

"Wait," Nozomi called out before she could stop herself, already regretting that she had opened her mouth when Eli stood still and some customers looked her way. She quickly caught up with Eli and said in a quieter voice, "You don't seem so ill to me that you have to skip school."

Eli snorted, morbid amusement pulling her lips into an empty smile. "Then mental illness must be a hoax to you if you can't see it."

Closing her mouth, Nozomi felt like her head had been hit with a bat. "I – I'm sorry, I didn't-"

Dismissively waving her off, Eli turned to leave once again, saying over her shoulder, "You are so easy to throw off balance, Tojo. Do something about that before you try restoring it for others."

Speechless, Nozomi stared after her, noticing that Eli was carrying a bag of books that she had purchased before crossing Nozomi's way. From what the transparent plastic allowed to show, the books all seemed to be related to school. Nozomi guessed that Eli was intending to catch up on the things she had missed in her one week of absence.

Nozomi closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, feeling horrible for various reasons. She had clearly not been able to stop caring about how Eli was doing. Well, neither had she expected to be able to do so instantly, but still, the first step to it would be pretense. What was worse, she had not considered Eli's mental state when it was so obviously broken. Nozomi herself had a delicate heart and a straying mind who tended to fill her head with doubt and anxiety, so her lack of tact came as a shock to her when she herself knew firsthand how destructive someone's own mind could be.

She ended up going home without purchasing any books.

* * *

 

"Stop looking at me like that."

Nozomi averted her eyes, suppressing a grin. For the past ten minutes, she had been giving Nico knowing glances after the black-haired girl had announced that she wouldn't hang out with her friends after school because she had other arrangements.

"Come on, just tell us what you've got planned," Rin complained, crossing her arms behind her head. For the past few minutes, she and Honoka had been trying to guess what Nico had planned for after school.

"Would you leave me alone already," Nico grumbled, digging into her food with no appetite.

While Rin and Honoka kept making suggestions, one farther from reality than the other, Nozomi, Kotori and Hanayo kept their few ideas to themselves. Despite Nico acting otherwise, they could feel that she was nervous about it.

Rin suddenly looked up with a gasp. "You're meeting up with your secret lover!" A second later, she hissed in pain when Nico hit her head.

"Ohh," Honoka jumped onto that idea. "Nico, how could you not tell us?"

"First of all, shut up." Nico glared at both Rin and Honoka. "Don't be so surprised about me not telling you stuff when you react like this every time." She paused when she looked at two pouting faces. "Not working. Geez, can't even eat in peace now…" She abruptly stood up and stomped out of the canteen.

"What? Nico!" Both Honoka and Rin shot up from their seats to chase after her, not before hastily wolfing down the last bit of their lunch. Exasperated, Hanayo followed them as well because the backside of Rin's skirt had ridden up, exposing part of her behind.

Nozomi and Kotori shared a stunned look before they clamped their mouths shut so they wouldn't laugh too loudly. After Nozomi's body stopped shaking with giggles, she cleared her throat and let her eyes wander around the canteen to check if someone had witnessed that scene. Her smile faded when she spotted a blue-haired figure sitting by themselves at a table.

"Nozomi."

Flinching, Nozomi turned her head to Kotori, who had caught her staring. The second year gave her a smile. "You're worried, aren't you?"

Nozomi averted her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's my fault that you and her..."

"Don't do this, Nozomi," Kotori gently stopped her. "Whatever happened was between me and Umi, you don't have any blame in this."

"But if I didn't-"

"Nozomi." Kotori's voice had gained a stern edge. "Do I look like I would feel better if you blamed yourself?"

"No," Nozomi whispered. Insisting that it was her fault did nothing to help the situation, it only served to release herself of some guilt.

"Say, would you do me a favor?" Kotori pulled out a green apple from her bag. "Could you give this to Umi? It looks like she forgot to bring one herself today."

Wide-eyed, Nozomi stared at the green apple before slowly looking up at Kotori. "Why me?"

Kotori gave her a sad smile. "She won't reject it if it's from you."

"But she will know that it's not from me."

"How so?" Kotori furrowed her brows. "You can just tell her that you bought it."

"No, she will know." Of that Nozomi was sure. "Kotori, you should be the one doing it. Even though I am in no position to judge, I don't think Umi will be the first one to reach out."

Biting her bottom lip, Kotori distractedly gazed at the apple in her right hand. "I have pride too, Nozomi. I'm not ready to offer a hand if I don't know whether the other side will take it."

Nozomi carefully touched Kotori's hand. "Don't you think that this is what holds Umi back too?"

"She's the one who made a mistake," Kotori mumbled. "I can forgive her, I am ready to if she asked. But I don't want her to think that it was easy to get my forgiveness - that what she had done was any less bad than it was. Because that's how people make the same mistake twice."

There was no arguing against that, Nozomi quietly agreed. She stole a glance at Umi, who had finished her lunch, moving to leave. "I'll give the apple to her."

Surprised, Kotori asked, "What changed your mind?"

"You did." Nozomi smiled at her. "Because despite everything you said, you're already willing to make the first step." She took the green apple. "And this is your way of showing it."

Speechless, Kotori couldn't react fast enough to stop Nozomi from walking away with the apple firm in her hands.

Quickening her pace, Nozomi caught up with Umi in a hallway on her way to class. "Umi!"

"Who?" Umi was facing her in an instant, eyes narrowed.

Startled, Nozomi forgot what her previous intention was. "I'm sorry," she stuttered, shocked by the distraught expression Umi had been wearing for a split second.

"No, I'm the one sorry," Umi apologized, her expression now back to a neutral mask. "I am not used to hearing my first name called by anyone else than Maki or Eli."

What about her parents, Nozomi thought, but didn't dare to ask aloud. "I didn't mean to surprise you. I just wanted to give you this." And she pressed the apple into Umi's stiff hands before she could be rejected.

Umi's hand was trembling but she was tightly holding on to the apple, beginning to bruise it with her fingers. "Are you trying to get a rise out of me?"

Nozomi smiled emptily. "Why don't you ask the person who wanted you to have it?"

And Umi's sharp gaze darted to Nozomi's face. There was only one person in question who could have done that. "What did she say?" Umi whispered in a strained voice.

"Something entirely different than what she really meant." Nozomi linked her own hands behind her back. "So what do you think of the message?"

Lips pressed into a thin, tight line, Umi didn't reply.

Nozomi sighed and turned around, she had a class to attend too. Before she left, she glanced over her shoulder at Umi. "You know," she whispered, face tilted to the side so Umi would hear her parting words, "if I'm not mistaken, common courtesy would require you to reply to the message in this case. So don't keep her waiting, okay?"

* * *

 

"Oi, Tojo, –"

"Nozomi."

"What?" Bewildered at the interruption, Maki stared at Nozomi with raised eyebrows.

"I don't like people calling me by my last name," Nozomi said quietly. She didn't like the distance it created.

"And I don't like calling people by their first name," Maki muttered, brushing her bangs back. "We're not that close."

Nozomi quickly looked away to hide her hurt look, knowing that she had no right to be wearing such an expression when their relation had been bumpy at best. She hadn't expected for Maki to proudly claim them as friends, but it still stung to be purposely kept at a distance.

Upon seeing Nozomi's reaction, Maki let out a deep sigh. "I guess calling you by your first name won't kill me."

Nozomi carefully looked at Maki from beneath her bangs. "You will?"

"On Christmas and birthdays, but that's it." Maki smirked. "And maybe if you ask nicely with a really lewd expression."

Indignant, Nozomi crossed her arms and turned to walk away from Maki. She didn't know why she had stopped for Maki in the first place, she just wanted to go home and sleep.

"Hey, Tojo!"

Slightly raising her chin, Nozomi kept walking forward, ignoring the first year behind her.

"Really? You're really going to make me do it?" Maki called after her, then began chasing after her, only needing few strides of her long legs to catch up with Nozomi. She cut off Nozomi's path and the third year almost bumped into her. "Look, you might have managed to get Umi whipped enough to call you cute nicknames-"

"It's just a first name!"

"It's _your_ first name," Maki retorted as if it was explanation enough.

"What's so bad about my first name?" Nozomi asked in exasperation, wondering if Maki was ever going to open up to her without putting up a fight every time they came close to making progress.

Maki visibly struggled over what to say next. "I don't know, okay? It's probably not even you, just me not being able to deal with normal things." She sighed, rubbing her temple. "Look, do you know how many people I'm on a first name basis with?" She stretched out three fingers. "That's all. My entire life, just these three people."

"But certainly not during your childhood-"

"I had no childhood," Maki said rather plainly. Without bitterness or sadness or any emotion at all, just matter-of-factly. She furrowed her brows. "Well, that sounded depressing…What I mean is, I had no classical childhood like one you might know. I didn't get to play outside in the dirt and get into trouble with the neighbors' kids. Hell, I didn't even have neighbors, we're surrounded by green for fucking miles. And even when I tried to jump into those puddles in our garden, I had security catching me mid-air."

Nozomi's sorrowful expression evoked a lopsided smile from Maki. "Now don't look so sad, we both know I had it rather good besides the lack of interaction with other kids that are normal. Sure, it gave me a superiority complex and horrible social skills, but hey, at least I owned like a hundred glitter pens with no one to show off to."

It only made Nozomi feel worse. "What about Umi? And Eli?"

"They didn't care about glitter pens," Maki muttered with a frown, then laughed when she saw Nozomi's look. "Yeah, yeah, I got what you meant. But no, by the time I got to know Umi and Eli, they were just like me. A kid who never learned to get their clothes dirty but knew how deep to bow depending on their opposite."

"This is…" Nozomi closed her mouth. She wasn't sure which one of them had a worse childhood. In some ways, hers didn't differ that much from Maki's. She too had only heard of tales of children getting their clothes dirty from playing with the neighbors' children. She herself had spent most of her childhood playing alone and reading books.

"Look, I'm not trying to sing you a sad song of a miserable childhood which it really wasn't." Maki's voice had gotten serious. "I had it good, I'm not going to deny that money made my life really easy and comfortable. But I just never learned how to casually interact with other people. I still stuck at it. Whenever I talk, I either insult people or…well, I almost always insult someone when I talk to them. See my problem?"

Nozomi watched Maki helplessly shrugging her shoulders as if she was trying to downplay her inner turmoil. But Nozomi could tell from Maki's rambling that this was one of the rare moments where she had opened up and told her something that most likely no one besides them knew.

"It's okay, you know?" Nozomi said quietly, smiling.

Confused, Maki asked, "What is?"

"To admit that we are friends."

Maki almost instantly took a step back, cheeks tinging red. "You were the one who wanted to be friends. I would have been fine with the just benefits part but you had to get all mushy on me."

"With benefits? We never talked about anything like that!"

"Kidding, kidding," Maki waved her off, "I have a reputation to uphold, you know. Anyway, only because you will probably cry on me if I don't agree to it, I'll let you define whatever we have as friendship because apparently, having something not clearly defined is unsettling to most people."

Nozomi let out a quiet sigh. At least she got Maki to say they were friends even if it was in the most roundabout way possible. But she was going to keep insisting on one thing. "I'll let you define it as whatever you want as long as you call me by my first name."

"Still going on about that?" Maki groaned. "I was hoping you've given up by now."

Nozomi raised her chin in a defiant manner. "Then I have nothing to say to you anymore, Nishikino." And she turned away.

"It doesn't bother me, you know," Maki grunted, "everyone calls me by my last name, so you've just become like everyone else."

But her voice betrayed her and it wasn't lost on Nozomi. "See you tomorrow, Nishikino," she said airily as she walked away.

"Tojo!"

But she kept walking, and though it made her uneasy to ignore someone calling her, it also empowered her that she had been able to free herself from the fear that used to be aggravating Nishikino Maki. Nozomi had finally learned to walk away.

* * *

 

The news of Eli coming back to school after a week of absence spread like wildfire and evoked a displeased reaction in most cases. It had been a peaceful week without the student council president marching through the hallways, giving everything around her a rather distant and cold look.

Nozomi was unsure about how she was going to interact with the blonde. Ignore everything that had happened? After all, it was Nozomi who had triggered Eli into a forceful and abrupt stop of her pills consumption.

She decided not to be the first one to mention any of the prior events, only reacting if Eli was going to try and talk about it, which Nozomi doubted, expecting the blonde to simply ignore her.

"Are you sure you can't just skip it? How many days do you even still have left?"

Nozomi understood that Nico was just looking out for her, but she no longer felt afraid of Eli. In fact, her student council activities had been the only thing on her mind for the entire day because Nozomi finally had the chance to show Eli how much she didn't care anymore, how much stronger she had become.

"One and a half week."

"I would say you got pretty lucky, didn't have to spend so much time with Ayase after all when she got sick."

Nozomi supposed it was luck. "I'll be going now. See you tomorrow."

"See ya," Nico said with a grin before walking off, humming quietly to herself. Nozomi noticed that her friend had been in a rather good mood in the past few days. Ever since they visited Eli together with Maki. And Nozomi had her answer, smiling to herself as she walked to the student council room.

Upon arriving at the room, she noticed that the door was opened by a tiny slit.

"So that's the end of Otonokizaka as we know it, huh." Eli, Nozomi thought to herself, freezing up on the spot.

"It seems so." It was unmistakably Umi's voice, calm and deep. "I failed."

"There was nothing you could have done, stop fooling yourself. All you did was prolong the inevitable."

"If I could have brought forth better arguments, I might have -"

"What, Umi, might have what? Do you really believe that you could have changed anything? You might be a Sonoda, but face it – to them, you're still a child. It's already a wonder that you managed to influence Mitsui and Yasuda in the first place, don't push your luck."

"So it's all for nothing then."

"It's not for nothing. The Minamis might never know it, but you have given them plenty of time to assemble a backup plan. Now it's up to them how they're going to play it." A pause, then, "Umi, I hate to cut our meeting short, but I think I should be getting back to my student council duties. The vice president has arrived."

And Nozomi felt her heart sink, throat drying up. Caught like a deer in the headlights, Nozomi felt embarrassment eating her up when Umi was suddenly facing her after ripping the door wide open.

Umi gave her a scanning look as if wanting to gauge how much Nozomi had overheard, but after seconds of silent scrutinizing, Umi released a sigh. "There is no point in asking how much you've heard because you will only rope me into telling you more. So I'll be leaving." She nodded over her shoulder to Eli, who nodded back. They didn't need to verbally exchange goodbyes.

Nozomi gazed after Umi with a wistful look, wishing she could reach out her hand and touch her back, telling her to share some of her burden with her, but then she remembered that there was nothing she could do to help. To Umi, Nozomi herself was just another burden.

"You're late, so I assumed you wouldn't come," Eli remarked without looking up from her files.

Nozomi took a seat and carefully thought about what to reply. She didn't want to start a fight right after Eli had recovered and come back to school. "I still have one and a half week left."

Eli paused in her movements, furrowing her brows before she slowly nodded. "I almost forgot the arrangement. So it seems you really plan on fulfilling Director Minami's terms."

"Yes," Nozomi said, unsure where this conversation was heading. Small talk? With Eli?

"Good." Eli pushed a few files into Nozomi's direction. "Make yourself useful."

Nozomi stared at the documents in disbelief. It was the first time Eli had directed some of the work to her.

"Those won't file themselves by just staring at them." Eli sighed when Nozomi didn't budge. "Right, you probably don't even know how to." Sighing again, she pulled out a chair next to her. "Sit here, I'm going to show you how it's done."

Nozomi stared at Eli with wide eyes as if to say, 'Really?'

"I don't have all day, Tojo."

Hesitant, Nozomi stood up and slowly walked over to Eli's side, sitting down in the chair next to her. She wanted to take a deep breath to calm herself down but it would only reveal her nervousness and she really couldn't afford to fall two steps behind after bravely taking one step forward. She was not ready to grant Eli that satisfaction.

"These are club budget files. Every school club submits a request form in which they apply for some funding for their activities." Eli pulled a file close. "What we do is deciding whether to approve, alter or completely deny the request. Before we do that, we compare their requests with data from previous terms and see if the club has been productive. If they have no achievements to show for, we either lower the sum or deny their request."

Nozomi stared at the budget request form in front of her that Eli had picked. The archery club. Written in an elegant handwriting, club leader Sonoda Umi explained in several points how she wanted to productively use the budget for compensating traveling fees to tournaments, maintenance of the archery range and some funding for new targets to practice with. She justified the requested amount of money by listing up several won championships and national trophies.

"Umi never requests more than necessary," Eli remarked absently, signing the document. "Which is the only reason I don't bother to waste time on reviewing her club records. But some clubs are trying to take advantage of the school budget. Your job is to keep them in check."

Nodding, Nozomi reached for the first file to work on. The badminton club. Their requested amount was the same as last semester and they had placed second in a national tournament, first place in a regional competition. Nozomi's hand moved to sign the document when suddenly her wrist was held down. Her pen slipped through her limp fingers.

"Cut their budget," Eli said calmly, releasing Nozomi's wrist again.

"Why?" Nozomi asked in disbelief. "Their request seems reasonable."

Eli sighed and pressed her palms against her eyes before running her fingers through her hair. "I know what I said. Cut their budget in half."

"But I-"

"Are you going to help or cause more work?" Eli's eyes pierced into Nozomi's. "Why do you have to question everything I do?"

Nozomi swallowed nervously but didn't avert her eyes. "I just want to understand."

"Understand what?"

You, Nozomi silently thought, but quickly dismissed it as an impossible answer. "Your reasons. For your decisions. The truth."

Letting out a quiet sigh, Eli leaned back in her chair and tiredly rubbed her temple. "Everyone always asks for the truth, but when do they ever really want to hear it?"

"I am not everyone," Nozomi replied, defiant.

"I noticed," Eli said lowly, her eyes scanning Nozomi from forehead to chin. "I certainly underestimated you. You were able to cause a lot more trouble than I gave you credit for."

Nozomi raised her chin. That statement made her somewhat proud. But her moment of triumph didn't last long when a smirk appeared on Eli's face and the blonde said in amusement, "But you are still weak. Because you still care about what I think even when you already know you're better off ignoring me."

Opening and closing her mouth, Nozomi quickly turned her face to the side, silently cursing herself. She felt her cheeks heating up, the tip of her ears getting warm. What had she been doing? After all the steps she had forced herself to take to finally let go, she still hadn't gotten anywhere. She still cared too much about Eli who didn't care much about her.

"Never mind," Nozomi muttered, and she signed the budget request file from the badminton club after correcting the budget to half its amount.

When Eli saw that Nozomi had followed her order of cutting the badminton club's budget, she hummed neutrally but not quite in approval because that could have been finished a minute ago if Nozomi hadn't decided to argue with her.

Nozomi couldn't bear the smugness she felt radiating off Eli. "I didn't know that the student council could make these decisions so arbitrarily. What if the clubs complain?"

"Let that be my worry, Tojo," Eli muttered as she let her pen glide over the papers. "You just make sure you don't get ink on your hands."

Nozomi paused, head twitching slightly. Eli had just alluded to something, but she didn't understand what. "I'm the vice president. How will I not be blamed?"

"Because no one is going to complain," Eli answered calmly, putting a finished document aside. "They will accept the decision."

"How can you be so sure?" Nozomi asked warily.

Eli tilted her head, raising her eyebrows. "You certainly are talkative today, Tojo. Could it be that you missed me?"

Biting her tongue, Nozomi ducked her head and stared at the table. Was she embarrassed? Annoyed? Both, she realized, glancing at Eli whose lips were turned upward in a smirk. Never before did Nozomi want to resort to violence so much, just to wipe that expression off of Eli's face.

"Actually," Nozomi began quietly, "when you were gone, I was…relieved."

Just a split second, but Nozomi saw it – blue eyes widening, eyebrows twitching – and then nothing, a mask of stony features. Eli turned her attention back to her paper work, but her handwriting was less elegant now that her fingers had become stiff.

Nozomi knew she shouldn't be feeling any guilt, but she still felt her heart sinking and that made her feel even worse – her complete inability to cut herself off from Eli. If only she could care less about her. "That was out of line, I shouldn't have said that."

Eli didn't look up. But her voice was strained when she answered. "I don't see how that was out of line. I suppose you were telling the truth."

When Nozomi stayed silent, feeling guilt eating her up from the inside, Eli spared her a glance. "I find it more insulting that you think I can't take this little bit of criticism."

Was it that far off to assume an angry outburst when Eli had shown signs of aggressions in other cases before? Nozomi wasn't even sure how to behave around Eli anymore ever since the incident where Eli had forced herself to stop taking any calming pills.

"Say, Tojo, I only have one question for you and then you are free to leave if you want," Eli suddenly said, quiet and almost softly. She didn't look Nozomi in the eyes. "Do you hate me? And don't say you don't know. It's a yes or no."

Shocked, Nozomi speechlessly stared at Eli, who had her face angled away from her. Did Eli remember the things she had said in her half-conscious state, when Umi and Nozomi had been transporting her to the infirmary? And why did she want to know so badly?

"I really don't know," Nozomi hesitantly began, shaking her head but flinched when Eli suddenly stood up from her seat.

"Don't lie to me," Eli whispered, her bangs falling into her wild eyes when she stared down at Nozomi. "You either hate me or you don't. Which is it?"

Hate, Nozomi's mind screamed when her legs were twitching to run away. But it wasn't hate for Eli, it was hatred she held for herself – because she was a coward and her fears had always stopped her from getting what she really wanted. And this time, right now, what she really wanted was to stop feeling so helpless around Eli.

She stood up, much to Eli's surprise who instinctively took a step back even though Nozomi was far from reaching an intimidating height.

"I don't hate you," Nozomi said quietly, raising her chin to meet Eli's eyes. "Because I don't care enough to feel that strongly about you."

Eli's jaw tensed. "You may leave now," she whispered through tightly drawn lips.

"I'm not done with my work," Nozomi replied evenly, wondering where her courage was coming from. What exactly was she trying to achieve by pushing the line? Now that she had noticed that Eli wasn't as easily aggravated as before, was she trying to see how far she could push the blonde before breaking again?

"Why," Eli breathed, exhaling shakily, "why won't you just leave…" Her facial features twisted into a grimace. "Why won't you just leave me alone?" Her restless blue eyes roamed Nozomi's face as if she was desperately trying to read her expression. "Haven't you humiliated me enough already?"

"Humiliated _you_?" Nozomi almost exclaimed in disbelief, feeling a hot wave of anger welling up in her chest. She hated how she could already feel tears forming in the corners of her eyes. " _I'm_ the one humiliated, and I've been in that position ever since you decided to mock me for the fun of it." Her voice wavered, but she forced herself to press out, "But it's always about you, isn't it? Always about your own pain."

Looking like she had been slapped across the face, Eli remained silent, mouth opening and closing without uttering a word. As if paralyzed, the blonde just stared at Nozomi with wide eyes.

Nozomi used the sleeves of her blazer to dry her eyes, too tired to feel ashamed of showing tears in front of Eli. It was time for the blonde to see the consequence of her selfish actions and hurtful words.

"So if you have nothing else to say," Nozomi muttered, sitting down in her chair again, "I will continue with my work." She began looking through the files again, even if not as concentrated as before. But as long as she could pretend to be working, she could keep up her composure.

"Tojo," Eli murmured, and Nozomi's shoulders tensed up. For her, the conversation was over and she really didn't want to start another fight.

But the blonde didn't speak up again, quite the opposite – she quietly sat down. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the remaining files with unsteady hands and resumed her work.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Nozomi would secretly glance at Eli from time to time, wondering what was going through the blonde's mind as she mechanically filed out those documents. Was she feeling guilty? Ashamed even? Nozomi hoped that whatever it was, it would give Eli the same amount of self-doubt that Nozomi had come to feel because of her.

"I'm sorry."

It was just a chopped whisper, a faint mutter that fell over Eli's unmoving lips, but Nozomi reacted like she had been yelled at, accidentally dropping her pen and jerking her head towards the blonde.

Becoming uncomfortable under Nozomi's stare of disbelief, Eli put down her pen, avoiding green eyes as she murmured, "We're done for today. We'll wrap things up tomorrow."

Nozomi's mouth already moved on its own before she could consider the words coming out of it. "Did you mean it?"

Eli didn't reply, neither with words nor with a facial expression. She stacked all documents together and put them inside a drawer, then stood up and headed for the door. She was gone before Nozomi could throw another question at her back.

Nozomi sank down in her chair and buried her face in her hands.

Just one and a half week, and all this would be finally over.


	9. Healing Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been almost a month since Nozomi was forced into joining the student council, putting up with a ticking time bomb named Ayase Eli. But maybe, just maybe, if she stayed a little bit longer she can learn to defuse it.

 

## Otonokizaka Private Academy

* * *

 

“Nozomi.”

“Yes?”

“You get along with Maki, don’t you?”

Slowly looking up from her book with a frown, Nozomi stared at Nico for a few seconds before meekly replying, “Not according to Maki.”

“Pff,” Nico snorted, leaning back in her seat. “Well, she’s an idiot who doesn’t know what’s good for her.” Sighing, Nico absently played with one of her ribbons. “Anyway, I somehow have the feeling that she listens to you.”

“To me?” Nozomi said in disbelief. “She rejects everything I say.”

“That’s what she wants you to think,” Nico replied, “but she takes your words to heart.”

Doubtful of that, Nozomi shook her head. “I’m not so sure.”

“Just believe me,” Nico groaned, throwing up her hands. “I notice things. She’s become more careful about the things she says. Less offensive, more thoughtful. It’s a bit disconcerting, I admit, but it’s a nice change from the usual insults.”

Was it really Nozomi’s influence that had brought this change? She certainly wanted to believe it as it flattered her sense of pride, but Maki’s improved behavior was most likely explained by Nico’s growing presence in her life now.

“Anyway, that’s not what I wanted to talk about,” Nico cut in before Nozomi could remark anything else. “Since Maki seems to listen to you, I thought I could ask you for a favor?”

Nozomi’s initial reaction was to instantly decline because she had learned her fair share of mistakes from getting involved with other people’s businesses. Her short time in Otonokizaka had taught her more about the complexity of human relationships than all of her school career.

Seeing Nozomi’s reluctant expression, Nico decided to elaborate on her reason for asking Nozomi for a favor. “I know you know that Maki and I are trying to go back to how things were before all the bullshit happened. Well, not exactly back because things back then weren’t ideal either, but you know what I mean.” A lopsided smile appeared on her face. “And it’s going great. Now her smiles no longer look like she’s constipated and she talks about herself only in every third sentence, which is like less than half of before.”

Nozomi thought about commenting on the exaggeration of the statement for a second before she remembered that their subject was Nishikino Maki. She didn’t interrupt Nico, nodding instead.

“But the thing is, she only acts like that when we’re outside of school.” Nico’s grin faded. “I know we agreed not to be too public about it, but it feels like nothing has changed the moment we’re inside this godforsaken school. I don’t expect her to roll out a red carpet for me everywhere I go, but at least say ‘hi’ when we’re crossing each other’s path.”

“She’s ignoring you?” Nozomi said, frowning. 

“Well, not really ignoring,” Nico corrected in reluctance, “she just gives me this dumb look and then quickly walks away. I like to think it’s because I’m way too cute for her to handle, but it’s hard to feel flattered when her dumb look resembles her constipated look.”

Nozomi coughed into her hands. “Have you talked to her about it?”

“No, and I’m not really good at talking about things that are not me, so this is why I was hoping to get some help from you.” Nico flashed a cheesy grin to appease Nozomi. “Please?”

Sighing, Nozomi rubbed her temples. Not like she had much of a choice. “Okay.”

“You’re the best, Nozomi.”

Nozomi smiled to herself. Now she only needed to believe it herself.

* * *

 

When Nozomi knocked on the door of Maki’s private music room for the third time with no response, she turned her back to it with a sigh. Unusual, but not rare for the first year to not be inside that room during lunch break.

Since there was no point in searching for the first year as she could be anywhere on the large school grounds, Nozomi considered heading back to the cafeteria but lunch break was going to be over in a few minutes. There was no point in going back, her break would end by the time she got there.

Heaving a sigh, Nozomi decided to walk back to her classroom, her feet already picking up the pace. She didn’t like this particular area of the school much; it lacked windows and hosted few classrooms, it was a rarely visited part of the school. She could hear her footsteps echoing along the stone walls, making her feel uneasy. Had she always had such heavy footsteps? Had she always been stomping this loudly?

It bothered her so much that she stopped walking, just to get some silence again, wondering what was wrong with her feet. As she inspected her shoes, her ears suddenly picked up sharp whispers that traveled along the stone walls, coming from at least one person around the next corner.

“We’re done here.”

Tensing up, Nozomi instinctively sneaked into the next best room that seemed to be the club room for arts judging from the paintings and plastic models. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes.

“Oh, Umi, we’re far from done here. You owe me.”

Nozomi held her breath. Upon recognizing Ishikii’s voice, her stomach churned.

“I said we’re done here.”

“No, this is not how this works, you don’t get to walk away like this.” The voices were getting closer, clearer. “We had a deal.”

“And now we don’t. Past tense. It’s not a very difficult concept to grasp.”

“You used me, you fucking liar, and now you won’t even look at me –“

“I used you?” Umi’s voice lost its indifference and gained a dangerous edge. “I did everything you asked for, did every last ridiculous gesture that you wanted me to portray in front of your father, everything for your entertainment. You had your fun, Ishikii.”

“Don’t be like that, Umi, I needed you.”

“No, you never needed me. Your pride did.”

“So what? Do you think that Yasuda needed you? Or that Mitsui needed you? Who do you think you’re talking to, Umi? Because believe me, if your last name wasn’t Sonoda, none of us would ever touch you. So face it, Umi, you still need me.”

Nozomi’s hands had grabbed a fistful of her skirt, clenching the material tightly. She wanted to stop listening in on them, it physically hurt to listen to this, but she also couldn’t move away. Too strong did the curiosity burn inside of her.

“You’re wrong. I never needed you.” Deep and hollow, Umi’s voice caused Nozomi to shudder. “What I needed was your family’s wealth, your father’s power, his conglomerate’s influence – but you? I never needed you. You were the stairs I had to take to get to the top of your family. Inconvenient, but still a reliable asset.” 

Nozomi clamped her mouth shut to stifle the shocked gasp nearly escaping her lips. She suddenly felt nauseous.

“Fuck you, Umi.” Ishikii’s voice cracked. “Fuck you.”

The sound of footsteps stomping away was almost drowned out by the noise of the ringing bell, indicating that lunch break was over.

Unable to stand still any longer, Nozomi ripped the door open and stormed out, chasing after a tall figure with long blue hair billowing behind them. “Umi!”

The second year turned around, expression still dark from her previous conversation. “Tojo?”

Nozomi would have insisted on being called by her first name if the gut-wrenching feeling in her stomach didn’t make it so hard to talk. “You…why did you…”

A deep wrinkle formed between Umi’s eyebrows. “Why did I what?”

Mouth opening and closing without uttering a sound, Nozomi clenched her teeth, a surge of betrayal making her blood run cold. “I…I heard. What you said, to Ishikii.”

“What?” Umi hissed, eyes narrowing. “Eavesdropping seems to be a bad habit of yours.”

“No, you need to be more careful about the places you talk in,” Nozomi defended herself, looking to the side. That wasn’t what they should be talking about. How could she ignore and forget such cruel words said by someone she thought she could trust? “You…how could you say all those things…”

Students were beginning to fill the hallway, some of them eyeing Nozomi and Umi in curiosity, whispering and pointing at them.

Umi’s jaw tensed. “I don’t think I need to explain myself in front of you. So if you excuse me, I need to head back to the classroom now.”

“So I’m just inconvenient to you, aren’t I?” Nozomi burst out, angry and yet feeling defeated. She had made the mistake of placing Umi on a high pedestal only to be disappointed by the fact that Umi had never been standing on it to begin with.

“What? What are you tal-“ Umi cut herself off, pausing when she realized what Nozomi was getting at. She sighed, shortly closing her eyes. “I had no choice but to resort to that kind of rhetoric. It was the only way to get her to leave me alone.”

Nozomi wanted to believe her, very much so, but the way Umi had talked, so emotionless and cold, it had struck a nerve within her. She swallowed, fighting off another wave of nausea. “It sounded very…authentic.”

Students were crowding the hallway now, passing them with curious side glances.

Umi silently stared at Nozomi before she straightened herself, turning to leave.

“Things always sound more authentic when the person isn’t.”

Leaving Nozomi to wonder if she was ever going to know the real person behind the mask.

* * *

 

“Why are you surprised?” Nico muttered once Nozomi finished retelling her encounter with Umi. “That’s who she is. I warned you. But you still got stars in your eyes whenever you looked at her.”

“I didn’t-,” Nozomi sighed, knowing it was futile to argue right now. She just wanted to understand what she had witnessed. “I don’t think that’s who she really is.”

“Oh, come on, Nozomi,” Nico groaned, crossing her arms behind her head. “You heard her. She uses people, that’s what she does, that’s what everyone in this school does. Why did you think she would be different?”

Nozomi bit her bottom lip. “Because she helped me without ever expecting something in return.”

“That’s just what you think, of course she won’t make it obvious that her attention comes with a price.” Nico used a pen to point at Nozomi, squinting her eyes. “But one day she’ll be on your doorstep and ask you to donate your kidney. And knowing you, you probably even would.”

“That’s…an extreme example.”

“No, it’s reasonable. Did you forget about the kind of league they’re in? They don’t trade in ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’. It’s a game of always being careful to even out the score. If someone helps you, you better return that favor right away before it collects weight over time.”

Nozomi swallowed. What could Umi possibly want from Nozomi that was of any value? “So what do I do now?”

“I don’t know,” Nico mumbled, rubbing her forehead. “The question is: Is there even anything you can do? When she helped you out, she gave you social protection. But it’s not something you can return. You have to at least give her something similar of importance. Something that she needs that only you can give.”

There was no such thing, Nozomi thought with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

Nico suddenly clapped her hands together. “I got it. I know of something she wants.” Grinning, she nodded in satisfaction.

Nozomi didn’t dare to get her hopes up. “And that would be?”

Nico’s grin widened. “What do you think?”

* * *

 

They hadn’t left on the best note the last time they met, which made being alone in a room even more tense.

“Do I even want to know why I got blackmailed by Nico into stealing this for you?” Maki waved with a white handkerchief.

Nozomi shook her head, reaching out for the silk cloth, but Maki raised her arm higher. “You don’t really expect me to hand it over to you without any explanation, do you?”

“That was part of the deal,” Nozomi complained, stretching for the handkerchief again, but Maki simply held it higher.

“Yeah, it was, but I made that deal with Nico,” Maki said with a smirk. “Terms and conditions don’t apply to third parties. So what’s the deal with this thing that I had to steal like a pervert who likes sniffing these?”

“Just hand it over,” Nozomi pleaded, not wanting to explain anything because she herself didn’t quite understand nor believe in Nico’s plan.

“You know that’s not happening unless I get an explanation,” Maki sighed in a bored tone. She tucked the handkerchief back inside her blazer’s chest pocket, knowing that Nozomi wouldn’t dare to reach for it if her hands were going to touch Maki’s chest.

Nozomi gritted her teeth. “Nishikino.”

Shoulders tensing, Maki grunted, “Tojo.”

“Maki.”

“N-Noz –” Maki bit her tongue in her haste to stop talking. Pulling a painful grimace, she took a step back. “What the fuck are you trying to get me to do?”

Smiling, Nozomi raised her chin. “Maki.”

“Stop that,” Maki hissed, uncomfortable. “It’s freaking me out.”

“Maki.”

“Fine!” Maki shouted, pulling out the handkerchief and shoving it into Nozomi’s hands. “Just stop calling my name. I feel like we just hit second base.” Pausing, Maki’s eyes landed on Nozomi’s chest. “Which, to be fair, would probably not suck.”

Letting out an indignant gasp, Nozomi turned on her heels and started walking away, wondering why she ever thought that Maki was a decent person.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to be offensive,” Maki said once she had caught up with Nozomi, walking besides her rather casually in contrast to Nozomi’s hurried pacing, “okay, I know that was a lame excuse. I am offensive. But Tojo, I’m trying, really. It’s just, you’re so vulnerable and–”

“You get your kick out of exploiting that.”

Maki’s eyes widened. “I -”

“Save it,” Nozomi muttered, annoyed that her efforts to outpace Maki were no match for Maki’s longer legs that easily kept up with her. “It might be amusing to you, but it’s less fun on the other side.”

Falling silent, Maki quietly walked besides Nozomi, which made the latter one uneasy. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“I always have somewhere to be, someone to please,” Maki muttered, “but unlike you, I don’t let anyone or anything exploit me.”

Nozomi stopped walking. “So you say it’s my fault that I am the victim.”

“I’m just saying that if you didn’t seem so vulnerable, people wouldn’t try to exploit that -”

“How about we just teach people _not_ to exploit anyone?” Nozomi raised her voice, shaking in anger. “Why do _I_ have to change when _you’re_ the offender?”

Looking like she had been slapped across the face, Maki’s frozen expression was met with Nozomi’s furious eyes. “I – I didn’t…”

“You didn’t mean to, I know.” Nozomi sighed, tired. “No one means to. Because then, we’ll become responsible for our actions.” She let out a long breath. “Maki, I should be going.”

And Maki let her go without a word, staring after her even when she was long gone.

* * *

 

“You’re late.”

Nozomi closed the door of the student council room behind her. “I’m sorry. I got held up.”

Eli looked up from her paper work, raising her brow as if to silently ask her what could be so important that she didn’t make it on time to her student council duties.

But Nozomi didn’t feel like giving an explanation, not wanting to get agitated again at the thought of an ignorant Nishikino Maki. She sat down in a seat by the window, across from Eli.

“How am I going to explain to you how to file these documents with you sitting over there,” Eli said, folding her hands on the table.

Surprised, Nozomi remained frozen in her seat. She hadn’t expected that Eli would let her continue to work after last time she had disobeyed Eli’s orders and refused to cut the badminton club’s budget.

“I’m waiting,” Eli remarked, tapping on the desk with her knuckles. Her voice as well expression was neutral.

Nozomi slowly stood up and moved her belongings to the seat next to Eli. Were they going to do this every time? Just ignore everything that happened between them before?

“Tojo, pay attention.”

Nozomi blinked and looked up, realizing that Eli had been watching her face. “I am.”

Dodging Nozomi’s gaze, Eli’s eyes were focused on the files in front of them again. “I hope so. I don’t want to explain this twice.”

Eli’s instructions were fast but precise; Nozomi would have understood them the first time but her mind was too preoccupied with wondering why Eli insisted on pretending that they were two strangers every time they met.

“And that’s all,” Eli finished, scanning Nozomi’s expression. “You didn’t listen.”

“I’m sorry,” Nozomi muttered, expecting Eli to lash out any moment.

Sighing, Eli pulled the documents over to her side. “I’m going to file these and you’ll learn by watching.”

Nozomi stared at Eli’s profile, wondering what was going on.

Upon noticing the staring, Eli sighed. “If you’re thinking about speaking up, now’s the perfect time to suppress that urge.”

“What did I do?” Nozomi whispered.

“What did I just say about suppressing that urge,” Eli muttered.

“What did I do,” Nozomi repeated, tired of never getting answers. She no longer had the patience to deal with ignorance and arrogance, coming in the worst possible combination that was Eli. “What did I ever do to you? You keep asking me if I hate you but now I’m the one wondering – do you hate _me_?”

Body stiffening, Eli clenched her fist tightly around her pen. “I…”

Nothing more came.

“Don’t know,” Nozomi finished quietly. “It’s not always yes or no.”

Eli let her pen drop, then pressed the palm of her hands against her eyes, elbows resting on the table. “What do you want, Tojo.”

“What I want,” Nozomi began quietly, “is to be normal around you. I can’t do that if you keep making me feel like I’ve done you wrong by simply existing.”

Eli slowly looked up, her long bangs almost covered her eyes. “You…feel that way?”

The sight was so pitiful, Nozomi almost wanted to pretend that she hadn’t said anything. Blue, tired eyes were shining through strands of blonde hair, looking like they were hiding behind a flimsy curtain.

“I do. Every second that I am with you.”

“I…” Eli’s voice was hoarse. “That’s regretful.”

“Regretful?” Nozomi repeated in disbelief. “That’s all you have to say? After you lashed out at me and then ignored me? And all you have for me is ‘that’s regretful’?”

Eli squeezed her eyes shut. “It wasn’t for you. It was for me.”

“Hah?”

Nozomi watched Eli clenching and opening her fists like she was holding her shaky hands back from doing anything else.

“I’m going to need you to go,” Eli croaked out.

“No.” She wasn’t running away, not this time.

“You need to go, Tojo,” Eli pressed out between gritted teeth, slowly standing up on wobbly legs. “It’s not going to end well with you still here.”

“Why?” Nozomi said in desperation, standing up as well, “What is it about me that you can’t stand so much?”

“Don’t, just go,” Eli’s voice was losing strength, “please.”

“No, you can’t keep doing this,” Nozomi retorted, exasperated. “Don’t just push me away.”

Eli let out a frustrated shout and slammed her right hand on the table. “Go.”

But Nozomi didn’t budge from her position. Eli didn’t scare her anymore. Because she too was just a victim of something bigger than her. “Eli.”

“Don’t say my name,” Eli hissed, her head jerking in an abrupt motion like she had been struck with an unwanted thought.

“Let me help you, Eli,” Nozomi whispered gently.

“Stop saying my name!” Eli shouted, suddenly charging forward to grab Nozomi by her shoulders. “Just stop! And leave, just leave…”

“I won’t leave-“

“You’re going to leave,“ Eli kept shaking her head, eyes shut in a painful grimace. “You’re going to leave me…”

Nozomi’s eyes widened. Eli’s demons had just revealed themselves. And if she was right about them, then there was only one thing left to do.

“I won’t leave you, Eli.” She touched Eli’s hands that were on her shoulder. “Don’t you know that I’m just a fool who can’t leave you alone?”

“Please,” Eli’s voice broke. She hung her head and her fingers dug into Nozomi’s blazer, knuckles turning white. “Don’t…” Only a breathless whisper remained.

“Please don’t leave me.”

Speechless, Nozomi didn’t know what else to do other than squeeze Eli’s hands reassuringly. The blonde had just given up the fight against herself and against Nozomi. How long had she been leading this fight without ever close to showing signs of weakness? And now she had broken down when Nozomi had least expected it, completely without the use of force.

“Don’t leave…”

“I’m right here,” Nozomi whispered, feeling her heart aching.

Eli’s shoulders were shaking. “Don’t go.”

“I won’t.”

Eli didn’t release her grip on Nozomi’s shoulders.

“If I let go, will you stay?”

“I will.”

Eli’s hands carefully slid off Nozomi’s shoulder. When Nozomi didn’t move, Eli muttered, “You really stayed…”

“I said I would, didn’t I?” Nozomi began to realize that Eli was fighting much bigger demons than she had let on. It had never been about Nozomi or even the relaxing pills that were disturbing Eli so much. They just happened to get mixed up in a much larger battle that Eli was trying to fight.

Eli nodded dazedly.

This was the first time Nozomi had seen her so vulnerable. With all impenetrable walls torn down, Eli seemed smaller than she really was and so fragile.

Suddenly exhausted, Eli sank back down in a chair, shoulders slumped and head hanging. “What is it that makes you come back…what made you come back every time…”

Nozomi swallowed. “I’m not sure.”

Letting out an empty chuckle, Eli closed her eyes, barely opening her lips when she muttered, “Whatever it is, Director Minami saw it. I shouldn’t have questioned her…she is never wrong.” Her voice was getting quiet, her consciousness fading as sleep slowly took over.

“Wait, don’t,” Nozomi began before she stopped herself from keeping Eli awake. Maybe some peaceful sleep was exactly what the blonde needed right now. Who knew how long she hadn’t been able to allow herself that kind of luxury.

–

“Tojo.” Something warm was touching her shoulder, lightly shaking it. “Wake up, Tojo.”

Nozomi’s eyelids slowly fluttered open, blinking multiple times until her blurry vision cleared. It was dark, but with the little bit of moonlight shining into the room, she could still recognize the student council room. “What…”

“We fell asleep.”

Nozomi jolted at hearing Eli’s voice and then winced in pain because her entire upper body was stiff and hurting from sleeping with her head on the table for hours. When she sat up and straightened her back, she heard something slipping off her shoulders and dropping to the floor. She turned her head and looked down. An Otonokizaka school uniform blazer.

It wasn’t until Eli picked it up and put it on that Nozomi began to put things together. “When – when did you-,” Nozomi stuttered out, hoping that her burning ears couldn’t be seen in the dim moonlight.

“It’s late, we should go,” Eli said, her back already turned to Nozomi as she walked towards the door. “A car is already waiting for us.”

This cold reaction instantly sobered up Nozomi. Because Eli acted like nothing had changed between them. Like everything had reset and they were back at zero, back to treating each other like strangers.

With hurt and anger welling up inside her chest, Nozomi jumped to her feet and grabbed Eli’s wrist before the blonde could leave the room, forcing her to turn around. “Why do you still do this? Why do you still pretend that nothing’s changed?” Nozomi wanted to scream out all her frustration, but her voice failed her when she saw Eli’s expression.

“Because I’m afraid of you,” Eli whispered, weary eyes trying to dodge Nozomi’s gaze. “You make me question everything.”

Nozomi swallowed. She didn’t let go of Eli’s wrist, fearing that the other would try to walk away again. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

Eli’s lips curled up into an empty smile. “Not if you’re me. I wasn’t born to question things. I was born to keep the status quo.”

“What if I think,” Nozomi whispered, “that you’re born for more?”

Eli’s gaze slowly wandered up Nozomi’s face until they met her eyes. And Nozomi immediately understood. The blonde was baring herself, for the first time showing all her vulnerability, all her insecurities by letting Nozomi look into her unguarded eyes.

“Then you’re the only one who thinks so.”

“Maybe,” Nozomi muttered. Her hand loosened its grip on Eli’s wrist and slid down to touch Eli’s hand. “For now. But I can also be the first one of many.”

Eli looked down on their hands that were touching. She slowly closed her fingers around Nozomi’s hand. “It would be enough for me if you are the only one who thinks so.”

And Nozomi exhaled shakily, a small smile on her lips, but her heart was rapidly beating, pounding against her ribcage. “You shouldn’t aim so low.”

Eli let out a breathless chuckle. “I don’t think I’ve ever aimed so high.”

Ducking her head, Nozomi hid her reddening cheeks. She squeezed Eli’s hand. “Don’t miss then.”

Swallowing, Eli nodded once. And that was all Nozomi needed.

–

“You can let me out here. My apartment’s in that building.” Nozomi took a deep breath. “Goodnight, Eli.”

As she moved to get out of the car, she felt a hand touching hers, tentative and gentle. Nozomi looked back in surprise.

“Will you come back tomorrow? To the student council room?” Eli asked quietly, her eyes not quite meeting Nozomi’s.

Nozomi smiled. “Do you want me to?”

“I,” Eli’s jaw tensed. “It doesn’t matter what I want. Your obligatory one month of being the vice president is soon over and you’re the one who has to decide.”

“So far, I haven’t been a very useful vice president,” Nozomi said, and she felt Eli pulling her hand back so she chased it and took it. “But I’m willing to become better if you teach me.”

Eli stared at Nozomi’s hand closing around hers. “I think I can do that.”

* * *

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Nico exclaimed in disbelief, almost knocking her juice box off the table. “Why would you do that to yourself? Are you a masochist?”

“Nico,” Hanayo tried to calm her friend down, “people are looking.”

“Besides, I feel like that’s a personal question you shouldn’t be shouting across the table,” Honoka remarked with a full mouth, chewing on a steak bit that she hadn’t bothered to cut.

“Honoka,” Kotori sighed, “should you really be lecturing Nico on manners?”

“I mean, she’s got a point,” Rin interjected, pointing with her knife at Honoka, “you can’t shout that kind of question out loud.”

“Rin! Don’t point with your knife at people,” Hanayo said in exasperation.

“Come on, guys, Nozomi just said that she’s going to stay in the student council, voluntarily.” Nico rubbed her forehead. “I just don’t get it, why would you stay? There’s literally nothing rewarding about it _and_ you have to be around Ayase.”

“She isn’t the monster you think she is,” Nozomi said quietly, staring at her plate as she used her fork to listlessly dig in the vegetables. Five pairs of eyes landed on her, the intensity of their gazes forcing her to look up. “What?”

“Something must have happened between you two,” Nico slowly said, “it feels like you know something about her that we don’t.”

She did. A whole lot more than most people in this school. “I’m not in a position to talk about it.” She also wanted that whatever she and Eli had to remain between them.

Nico took a deep breath. “I understand. But if you ever need someone to vent to, you know who to talk to.”

“Yeah, same goes for us,” Honoka said with a grin. “It’s not healthy keeping all the bad stuff in.”

Nozomi smiled. “Thank you, I really appreciate that.”

“But I’m glad,” Kotori spoke up gently, “that you get along with Eli now.”

‘Getting along’ wasn’t quite the exact word for it, but Nozomi was willing to take it. “Me too.”

“You really have a way with people.” Kotori looked at her with a gaze that seemed to know too much, and Nozomi faced her plate again.

“Yeah, speaking of that,” Nico cleared her throat, “did you already talk to Maki? About you-know-what?”

Nozomi’s eyes widened, she had completely forgotten it. She nervously shook her head. “I’m sorry, it slipped my mind.” She did remember wanting to talk about it the last time she had met Maki, but the latter one had cut their conversation short by offending Nozomi. “She…was being difficult to talk to.”

“I know that feeling too well,” Nico grumbled. “Maybe I should confront her now.”

They all looked over to a table that was in the center of the room, only occupied by two people. The third person that usually belonged to this group hadn’t showed up yet.

“I should try to talk to her now before Ayase comes. At least Sonoda knows to respect a private conversation.” Nico stood up.

“Wait,” Hanayo held her back. “They’re not alone.”

A group of three people walked towards the center table, nearing Maki and Umi from behind.

“This doesn’t look good,” Rin mumbled.

“Aren’t they part of the badminton team?” Honoka asked, furrowing her brows. “I heard they’re really angry about getting their budget cut in half.”

Nozomi’s mouth opened in shock. She recognized those girls, they belonged to the group of ex-vice presidents that had tried threatening her into exchanging Eli’s pills. So that was the reason Eli had cut their school club’s budget in half even when the club itself had done fairly well.

“What the hell are they doing?” Nico muttered.

Arguing, it seemed, but Nozomi wasn’t too sure. Umi was completely calm and looked quite disinterested while Maki talked with agitation and gestured furiously. It might be just a simple conversation. Whatever it was that they were talking about, it was over after a few minutes, and the badminton members left.

“I’m going over there now,” Nico said, “wish me luck.”

A round of “good luck” echoed back, ranging from amused to genuine.

Once Nico arrived at the table in the center, it didn’t take long until Umi stood up and left, giving them some privacy. Nozomi’s eyes widened when she realized the opportunity that had just presented itself.

Turning to Kotori, Nozomi pulled out a white handkerchief and held it in front of the second year, who stiffened upon recognizing it. “Umi dropped this in the hallways. Could you give it back to her?”

Kotori eyed Nozomi in suspicion. “Why not give it back to her yourself?”

“It’s better if no one sees us together, she already has enough on her plate.” Nozomi smiled sadly. “If I’m seen around her, it makes both of us a target.”

Far from being convinced, Kotori scanned Nozomi’s expression. “She wouldn’t care about that. But she does care about you.”

For a second, Nozomi forgot her task and felt tempted to ask how Kotori knew. But this wasn’t about her right now. “That might be. But I care about her too and don’t want her to be burdened with more than she already has to deal with. Please?”

“I…” Kotori lowered her gaze. “I really don’t feel like talking to her right now.”

“I see,” Nozomi said dejectedly. “I thought it would be different now.”

“What made you think that?”

Nozomi swallowed. At this point, she was just guessing, using the little bit of information she had overheard. But if her gut feeling was right, then her following words were no lie. “Umi cut off all contact to Ishikii and the rest. She’s stopped playing this game.”

Speechless, Kotori stared at Nozomi in silence. Then, “How…how do you know?”

“I heard them. Umi wanted nothing to do with Ishikii anymore. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation.” She felt goosebumps forming on her skin at the memory. The scathing coldness in Umi’s voice was something Nozomi hoped to never hear again because she had never heard of an uglier and scarier sound.

Nozomi’s expression finally convinced Kotori. “I want to hear this for myself.” The second year took the handkerchief and stood up. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Where are you going?” Honoka asked when she noticed that Kotori had stood up. Rin and Hanayo looked at her in curiosity as well.  

“Bathroom,” Kotori replied with a smile. 

Nozomi was amazed by it every time, wondering how such a small smile could convey so much kindness even though the person behind it was hurting.

* * *

 

“How pathetic you’ve become.”

Umi stopped walking. “That’s a bold accusation,” she said indifferently, not turning around to the speaker.

“Not as much as an accusation, more of an observation.”

“What do you want, Ishikii,” Umi said with a sigh. “I don’t think I could have said it clearer last time.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, I got your message.” Ishikii clenched her teeth together. “But I still haven’t gotten to say mine.”

Umi finally turned around, eyebrows furrowing when she realized that Ishikii wasn’t alone. She had brought some friends who didn’t look too pleasant. “Do you need this many people to deliver a message?”

“I sure do,” Ishikii said, “because who’s going to carry all the paint I’m going to dump on you?”

Tensing up, Umi finally noticed the cans of liquid paint that they were holding. She narrowed her eyes.

“Oh my, being speechless doesn’t look good on you,” Ishikii mockingly said. “But then again, you never did look good. Dead eyes aren’t really attractive, you know.”

One corner of Umi’s mouth curled up. “It’s like looking into a mirror, isn’t it?”

Clenching her teeth, Ishikii just held out a hand to the side and someone behind her handed her an opened paint can that was filled with a thick, red liquid. And without a second of hesitation, she threw the content at Umi’s face, who hadn’t moved to dodge, only closing her eyes like she had accepted what was coming next.

Half of the paint missed her head, but enough of it splashed across Umi’s face, painting a sea of red. She spat out any liquid that had gotten on her lips so she could breathe, the paint was clogging her nostrils.  

“Red has always been my favorite color. Though I did like blue for a short time.”

Umi couldn’t open her eyes, but she could guess what was happening next. 

A new load of paint was being poured over her head this time, she could feel the cool sticky liquid running down her neck and into her shirt. So this was what regret felt like.

“Hm, blue doesn’t seem to mix with red too well. But you said you prefer green anyway, so why don’t we give you what we want?”

More paint was poured onto her shoulders, running down her entire body and into her shoes.

“Oi, why is there no reaction at all,” Umi heard someone whisper.

“Hey,” Ishikii’s voice was angry. “Say something.”

Umi wiped away some paint off her mouth. “It’s a shame you had to ruin a perfectly fine set of clothes. I could have taken them off before you started.”

“Now you’re just pissing me off,” Ishikii hissed. “Give me another can.”

“Stop!” A high voice screamed out. “What are you doing? You have to stop!”

“Kotori?” Umi whispered, tilting her head. Her eyes were covered by two layers of thick paint that were beginning to dry on her face, so she was unable to open her eyes unless she would risk getting toxic chemicals in them.

“Shit, it’s Minami,” one of Ishikii’s friends cursed. “Let’s get out of here.”

Umi felt the draft of several bodies running past her. 

“Kotori?”

“Oh, Umi,” Kotori’s voice was very close, almost right in front of her face, gentle and worried. It made Umi instantly forget the discomfort of being doused in paint. How she wished she could see the other girl right now.

“Hey,” Umi found herself smiling until she tasted some of the paint flowing into her mouth, breaking out into a coughing fit. “Could you – could you help me get rid of the paint around my eyes?” Because she really wanted to see Kotori.

She startled when she felt a hand touching hers, almost instinctively pulling away until she realized that it was Kotori who was trying to lead her to the next bathroom. “I’m sorry.” Umi stretched out a hand in the direction where she assumed Kotori was standing. “Please, help me.”

Slender fingers slipped between her own and Umi was suddenly thankful for the paint that was covering her face’s true color.

With Kotori leading her by the hand, Umi knew no fear or insecurity, walking confidently despite her temporary blindness.

“Careful, door frame to the left.”

Umi took a step to the right before she followed Kotori into the bathroom.

“Stand still.”

Umi just nodded. She heard the sink running and paper towels rustling.

“Why didn’t you run away?” Kotori whispered as she carefully started wiping away the paint from Umi’s left eye. “With your reflexes, you could have easily dodged them.”

Umi slightly bent forward to make it easier for Kotori. “I felt like I deserved it.”

Silence fell around them as Kotori slowly but surely removed all the paint from Umi’s eyes. Umi wished the paint on her eyes would have been thicker, just so she could feel Kotori’s hands on her face for a little bit longer.

“There, all gone.”

Umi blinked in hesitation, taking a few seconds to adjust to the light. Her eyes opened to the most pleasant sight she had seen in days. She couldn’t nor did she want to stop the smile spreading on her face that was getting stiff due to the drying paint. “Kotori.”

“Hey,” Kotori breathed, returning Umi’s smile. She pointed to the splashes of red paint on her face and jokingly added, “Your face is all red, are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” Umi whispered, unable to tear her eyes off Kotori’s face. How she had missed that smile directed at her. “But I admit, I did feel blue for a while.” And she scraped some of the blue paint off her hair to show it to Kotori.

Giggling, Kotori used a finger to scratch some paint off Umi’s shoulder and held it up. “Maybe you do need to see a doctor, you’re looking a bit green too.”

“It’s fine,” Umi breathed, subconsciously leaning in towards Kotori, “green is my favorite color.”

“Is it?” Kotori’s eye lashes fluttered at the proximity. “Why?”

“Because…” Umi carefully touched Kotori’s hands. “It’s warm.” She looked Kotori in the eyes. “It’s bright.” Umi felt her heart skipping a few beats. “It means happiness to me.”

“Umi.” Kotori shakily inhaled. “How long has it been your favorite color?”

Umi swallowed. “Longer than I can remember.”

Letting out a breathless chuckle, Kotori slowly shook her head. “I was wrong. You haven’t changed at all.” Tears began rolling over cheeks, alarming Umi. “You are still as horrible as I remember.”

Feeling like she had been punched in the stomach, Umi was speechless, helplessly stretching out one hand after Kotori. “K-Kotori…”

“I hate how you can say all these things with a straight face,” Kotori sniffled, wiping at her eyes, “I hate how much it still affects me when you do that. It’s like I haven’t learned at all.” She met Umi’s shocked gaze. “How can I become a stronger person if some sweet words from you are all it takes to make me want to forget and forgive everything? Because this is just how I get hurt again, this is how you get away with hurting me.”

“No,” Umi choked out, “this is not what I want - I don’t want you to forget or forgive easily. I accept any punishment you deem as fair, but please, allow me to be in your life-”

“Umi, just stop!” Kotori burst out in exasperation. “You didn’t want me in your life for two years, and now you’re begging to be in mine again? Why do you think would I do that to myself?”

“Because –“ A tortured expression twisted Umi’s features into a grimace. “Because…” Umi lowered her head. “I don’t know why.”

Stunned, Kotori simply stared at her.

“I don’t get to decide why. And there is no good reason for you to trust me again. So I can only hope you will give me another chance.”

Kotori exhaled shakily. “What if I don’t?”

Umi’s mouth formed a sad smile. “Then I guess I’m getting what I deserve.”

Clenching her fist, Kotori looked down on the floor. “You’re horrible…just horrible…”

“I know-“

“No, you don’t!” Kotori exclaimed, looking up with furious eyes and she pounded with her hands on Umi’s chest, whose breath was literally knocked out of her windpipes. But she didn’t falter nor did she defend herself from the hits. “You’re horrible because you’re not even trying to fight for another chance.” Both of her hands were now dirty with paint that had gotten muddy after blue, red and green had been mixed together. “You’re horrible because despite everything, I still believe in you.”

By now, Kotori had stopped hitting Umi’s chest, her hands weakly sliding down the paint-smeared blazer. “So if you really mean any of the things you’ve said to me, then prove it to me.”

“I will,” Umi croaked out, clenching her teeth in a desperate attempt to stop herself from crying.

Mistakes didn’t exist to be erased, they served as a reminder to not be repeated. Umi wasn’t going to be able to make things right again, but from now on, she intended to go the right path from the start.

“I will, I promise.”

* * *

 


End file.
